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for A Moment to Remember

11/27/2005 c2 4Mechanical Dolls
*dies*

Ok, anyway, reviewing.

The story is promising. I liked the way it flowed, especially the rape bit.

I run. I run as fast as possible in the direction I am led. Somebody is being hurt – their body is being destroyed by another. Visions of murder, rape, torture run through my mind.

Without even realizing it, I come upon the cause. A man is on top of a woman, holding her down. Confused, I do nothing.

Then she speaks. “Help me,” she sobs, and immediately I know what this man's intentions are. I calmly walk over to him.

Yes. That's my favorite bit. The present tense really works with the story.

Keep it up!

~MD
11/25/2005 c1 1Wat Sri-lan
Your writing style is very fluid and clear. You have a sophisticated choice of words.

The content is rather cryptic, without a clear, specific meaning.

Kudos especially to the rape scene, where you succeeded to disturb me.
11/19/2005 c2 CircleStream
Wow. This is a little twist. I think I'm getting this damnatiom Hm. This character is interesting though, I'm certainly caught up into him. I will say though, that the paragraph where you talk about boiling the water-it was mechanical sounding. Even little things can throw a story off track, that paragraph needs a little more grace into it that'll make better. Like transitions and more phrases that don't make the paragraph so choppy. Also, the scene where the man is hurting that woman, you should explain more about it, because since this seems to be the "breaking point" of the story, it needs to be more directed and longer.

Hope I helped. :-D Thanks for reviewing my work. I appreciate it.
11/19/2005 c1 CircleStream
You have a unique writing style, or perhaps it's the story that is so...different. It's mysterious in a way actually, but it is an interesting beginning. This...being (I wouldn't even call it human) seems intellectual, like he notices different things than the average person, or is a complete outcast. I don't know where this is going really, so I'll have to read the next chapter...
11/18/2005 c2 11Awekid
It's in the point of view of a.. SUPAMAN! =OWowie.. that's soo wicked it's not even funny...I love the stlye you used to write it.. radtacular \m/
11/18/2005 c1 Awekid
=O Awekid... *thumbs up*I'm the first to review the first chapter of the first story. YEAH! I RULE!Anyhoo... so exciting! This should be as angst... colDo I get my cookie now? =D

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