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for Kaleidoscope Eyes

1/8/2006 c1 NO LONGER USING
wow...this is really god, i love especially they way you wrote it...it's very interesting, love it...and the tone, perfect setting...oh btw the title seems perfect for this...r.r. one of my fics when you want
12/10/2005 c1 GreyFable
I actually liked it. You make excellent use of your minimalistic language and the confessional tone in this piece. Readign it, I get the sense of an artist painting a picture in quick dashes - an adjective here, a simile there, a starkly stated emotion here - and when you add them all up, you get a solid sense of who the narrator is, and how she feels her feelings. I like the twist at the end. In the build up to this moment, it seems very much like Sienna is in love with the person she is meeting, and the agony she feels is longing and anticipation. We assume she wants the fangirl dream, as I call: to kiss, and then to be happy ever after. Instead, she wants to be destroyed. How very mordern. :-) It reminds me of Gudrun and Gerald from Women in Love. My two complaints are these. 1) I think the dialogue needs to be a bit more formal, especially "Hi" and the spoken line immediately after. I don't like the obviously insightful final thought. That really cheapened the piece, to me. I think you could make it stronger by not telling, let Sienna experience (she's so good at it).
11/17/2005 c1 2Jada.Black
Intense o.0 Keep writing this, i'm intrigued.

Review my story sometime, id love to hear your opinion.

*Jada Black*

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