for Beelzebub's Rhapsody12/16/2006 c5 
10Eternity's Voice
Hmm. It's an interesting character introduction, I suppose. I just find myself thinking that this is too short as that's all it is: an introduction.
My previous thoughts about this piece are under the name Mercenary Childe.
Keep Working,
-Eternity
10Eternity's VoiceHmm. It's an interesting character introduction, I suppose. I just find myself thinking that this is too short as that's all it is: an introduction.
My previous thoughts about this piece are under the name Mercenary Childe.
Keep Working,
-Eternity
12/14/2006 c5 48El Delfo
Heehee, took you long enough!
I'm not sure if I like Azazeal or not- I'll need to see more of him.
48El DelfoHeehee, took you long enough!
I'm not sure if I like Azazeal or not- I'll need to see more of him.
12/13/2006 c5 Impuls
A good start, it's rare to find decent writing here.
Just a few notes:
1. The plot has potential, but if you arn't careful it could also become imncredibly cliche.
2. The characters need a bit more development. One of the first things a reader will notice are strong and well-rounded characters. It's alright to leave a bit of mystery around them, but they also need some three-dimensionality. (Yes, that's a word. Or it is now anyway!)
The last thing I want to mention (and I only say this becasue I have the same problem) is that your writing comes off a little stiff. You might want to play around with diffrent styles a little bit just to see if you can find a way to make it flow a little smoother.
Over all, though, an excellent start.
A good start, it's rare to find decent writing here.
Just a few notes:
1. The plot has potential, but if you arn't careful it could also become imncredibly cliche.
2. The characters need a bit more development. One of the first things a reader will notice are strong and well-rounded characters. It's alright to leave a bit of mystery around them, but they also need some three-dimensionality. (Yes, that's a word. Or it is now anyway!)
The last thing I want to mention (and I only say this becasue I have the same problem) is that your writing comes off a little stiff. You might want to play around with diffrent styles a little bit just to see if you can find a way to make it flow a little smoother.
Over all, though, an excellent start.
12/13/2006 c5 3The Ferrett
Decent, decent. Will look at thiss some more when more substance is up although with initial lookings, it seems that I do like Beelzebub's character although Beelze is a strange name if you want them to blend in.
3The FerrettDecent, decent. Will look at thiss some more when more substance is up although with initial lookings, it seems that I do like Beelzebub's character although Beelze is a strange name if you want them to blend in.
3/16/2006 c4 48El Delfo
E, I love Beelze. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to, but I do. D
Keep updating!
48El DelfoE, I love Beelze. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to, but I do. D
Keep updating!
2/21/2006 c3 liz
I hope you haven't given up on this story. I was surprised to find it, especially since there aren't many good writer on this site. The story line, although a bit chiched, seems well written, and your a good author. I'm hoping you continue it.
I hope you haven't given up on this story. I was surprised to find it, especially since there aren't many good writer on this site. The story line, although a bit chiched, seems well written, and your a good author. I'm hoping you continue it.
1/20/2006 c3 Teh Katie
Haha, you booger. I wish you'd continue with this story, I'm actually liking it.
Haha, you booger. I wish you'd continue with this story, I'm actually liking it.
12/30/2005 c3 10Nonlinear
Nice. It's good to see something original and interesting.
You've put in just enough mysteries without leaving the reader confused. I like the deliberate feel of that.
This 3rd Ch. answered my questions about why Gabriel and Lucifer seem more like co-workers from two rival branches of a company than like...well, the normal human notion.
It still took me a minute to figure out Anael wasn't a nickname for Nathanael.
Oh, and I have to ask: romance, grudging friendship, brother-bond, or the always interesting opposite-sides of-a-war-fiasco? I could care less as long as there's a plot that doesn't revolve around love lives.
10NonlinearNice. It's good to see something original and interesting.
You've put in just enough mysteries without leaving the reader confused. I like the deliberate feel of that.
This 3rd Ch. answered my questions about why Gabriel and Lucifer seem more like co-workers from two rival branches of a company than like...well, the normal human notion.
It still took me a minute to figure out Anael wasn't a nickname for Nathanael.
Oh, and I have to ask: romance, grudging friendship, brother-bond, or the always interesting opposite-sides of-a-war-fiasco? I could care less as long as there's a plot that doesn't revolve around love lives.
12/6/2005 c1 YouKnowWhoThisIs.again
here I am, with a decent review this time.
Yes, I actually really like this story, and I'm wondering when in the heck you're going to get more out. Tis amazing, intiresting, and holds my intrest for more than five mintues (BIG accomplishment)
Tell me when you get out more ^_-
here I am, with a decent review this time.
Yes, I actually really like this story, and I'm wondering when in the heck you're going to get more out. Tis amazing, intiresting, and holds my intrest for more than five mintues (BIG accomplishment)
Tell me when you get out more ^_-
12/6/2005 c2 YouKnowWhoThisIs
Well, you already know what I think of this story... but I shall say it agian...
WONDERFUL!...
um.. yeah that's really all I got.. haha
xoxoxo any way!
Well, you already know what I think of this story... but I shall say it agian...
WONDERFUL!...
um.. yeah that's really all I got.. haha
xoxoxo any way!
11/24/2005 c2 DCXX
Hey, hey again. Naw, I don't really know much about demonology, or, for that fact, about angels either. All I learned I learned pretty much from the Evangalion and Full Metal Alcehmist animes...Anime rules!lol. Btw, do you know where I could find a guide on the net about angels and demons, what they represent and stuff? You seem to be the type to know. It would be great if you could. Honestly, I have never even heard of Nathanael and Kemuel, or even Anael...*blushes*...uh...yeah...hehe...Great chapter though, I'm intested to see what happens...hehe Beelzy's gotta act german...that should be greatly hilarious. Anael seems nice enough though, wonder what kind of 'mistake' he made? Well, I'll just have to wait and see, won't I?
Hey, hey again. Naw, I don't really know much about demonology, or, for that fact, about angels either. All I learned I learned pretty much from the Evangalion and Full Metal Alcehmist animes...Anime rules!lol. Btw, do you know where I could find a guide on the net about angels and demons, what they represent and stuff? You seem to be the type to know. It would be great if you could. Honestly, I have never even heard of Nathanael and Kemuel, or even Anael...*blushes*...uh...yeah...hehe...Great chapter though, I'm intested to see what happens...hehe Beelzy's gotta act german...that should be greatly hilarious. Anael seems nice enough though, wonder what kind of 'mistake' he made? Well, I'll just have to wait and see, won't I?
11/24/2005 c2 straykitty
Hee hee... definately getting interesting!
Very good, so far.
Hee hee... definately getting interesting!
Very good, so far.
11/22/2005 c1 DCXX
Ohy, Beelzebub, demon of gluttony, and Luifer, demon of pride? Gabriel...erm, i always forget...Angel of healing or something, ain't he? Sweet. Can't wait to read who Beelzy is paired up with. Maybe Michael, or an unknown such as Tabris or Ramiel? Who knows, but im waiting to find out!
Ohy, Beelzebub, demon of gluttony, and Luifer, demon of pride? Gabriel...erm, i always forget...Angel of healing or something, ain't he? Sweet. Can't wait to read who Beelzy is paired up with. Maybe Michael, or an unknown such as Tabris or Ramiel? Who knows, but im waiting to find out!