for Nobody1/17/2009 c1 
50GirlWithTheBrokenSmile
Wait for it, wait for it...I get it! Funny and sad at the same time.
Write on!
50GirlWithTheBrokenSmileWait for it, wait for it...I get it! Funny and sad at the same time.
Write on!
12/8/2007 c1 6SilverTwilight
I don't have much to add that other people before me haven't already. But I just wanted to say that I loved this. It's creepy and twisted, in the best of ways. The use of pronouns make it possible as a story, if you had added names it wouldn't have worked. I wish I had been able to read it before you editted, just to see the difference, but either way I'm blown-away. Good job, and keep writing!
~
Dx
6SilverTwilightI don't have much to add that other people before me haven't already. But I just wanted to say that I loved this. It's creepy and twisted, in the best of ways. The use of pronouns make it possible as a story, if you had added names it wouldn't have worked. I wish I had been able to read it before you editted, just to see the difference, but either way I'm blown-away. Good job, and keep writing!
~
Dx
12/2/2007 c1 4GrannyP
I read this before, but I can't remember why I didn't review. I thought I had... hm...
Anyway, I thought this was a well-written story. The use of the pronouns was really good because you could interpret it in different ways.
Great job.
4GrannyPI read this before, but I can't remember why I didn't review. I thought I had... hm...
Anyway, I thought this was a well-written story. The use of the pronouns was really good because you could interpret it in different ways.
Great job.
11/21/2007 c1 69adsaige
I'm sorry, but I'm a bit confused on this particualar thing. Is it herself...well as she sees herself? I'm wondering if this is open for interpetation, but I would like to know your views on this and to tell me what you were thinking when you wrote this. What was it that inspired this? Anyway, it was good, and good job.
69adsaigeI'm sorry, but I'm a bit confused on this particualar thing. Is it herself...well as she sees herself? I'm wondering if this is open for interpetation, but I would like to know your views on this and to tell me what you were thinking when you wrote this. What was it that inspired this? Anyway, it was good, and good job.
6/30/2006 c1 15Banshee Junior
Him. Somebody. Me. Nobody.
I love this.
I love the full circle it makes - the couple being followed by the narrator being followed by an entity called Nobody. At first, obviously, I thought she was paranoid, and that there really *wasn't* anybody following her...but once the repitition of Somebody became frequent, I finally got to see Nobody as a person (I may still be wrong...but that's another thing I love about this story: you can interpret it either way).
*This* was a personal favourite:
"His face was a mixture of emotions-disbelief, incomprehension, and anger.
Somebody’s cheeks were delicately tinged scarlet from embarrassment.
My face joined my red eyes in their depths of crimson."
You not only bind the three together, but add her "red eyes" in. It's almost as if those shadows and her red eyes are as much living breathing characters in the story as the people. Beautiful.
15Banshee JuniorHim. Somebody. Me. Nobody.
I love this.
I love the full circle it makes - the couple being followed by the narrator being followed by an entity called Nobody. At first, obviously, I thought she was paranoid, and that there really *wasn't* anybody following her...but once the repitition of Somebody became frequent, I finally got to see Nobody as a person (I may still be wrong...but that's another thing I love about this story: you can interpret it either way).
*This* was a personal favourite:
"His face was a mixture of emotions-disbelief, incomprehension, and anger.
Somebody’s cheeks were delicately tinged scarlet from embarrassment.
My face joined my red eyes in their depths of crimson."
You not only bind the three together, but add her "red eyes" in. It's almost as if those shadows and her red eyes are as much living breathing characters in the story as the people. Beautiful.
5/21/2006 c1 21tawnyfawn
Nicely done. I like how nobody in the story ever gets named... Not the narrator, or Him, or Somebody... It adds a nice touch, maybe the lack of names made it more accessibile?
The constant repitition of nobody was behind me kept it all tied together, but I especially loved it the last time at the end. It was just such an eerie kind of ending. Not because I was convinced of the supernatural or anyhting (I didn't miss the point of your story THAT completely) but it just kind of gave me tingles. ^^;
Your description throughout was good, too. I really liked 'They were holding hands, fingers entwined like the vines of a honeysuckle around an old tree." I think because (for me at least) it drove home that these two people had been seeing each other for quite a while. I'm not sure why, maybe because planmts are the kind of things that have to grow and mature over time? In any case, I still liked the imagery.
Overall, really nice. ^^
And thanks for your review on my short story 'Ten Rides.' It was constructive, and totally made my day. I wish I could give you a review nearly as good. ^^
21tawnyfawnNicely done. I like how nobody in the story ever gets named... Not the narrator, or Him, or Somebody... It adds a nice touch, maybe the lack of names made it more accessibile?
The constant repitition of nobody was behind me kept it all tied together, but I especially loved it the last time at the end. It was just such an eerie kind of ending. Not because I was convinced of the supernatural or anyhting (I didn't miss the point of your story THAT completely) but it just kind of gave me tingles. ^^;
Your description throughout was good, too. I really liked 'They were holding hands, fingers entwined like the vines of a honeysuckle around an old tree." I think because (for me at least) it drove home that these two people had been seeing each other for quite a while. I'm not sure why, maybe because planmts are the kind of things that have to grow and mature over time? In any case, I still liked the imagery.
Overall, really nice. ^^
And thanks for your review on my short story 'Ten Rides.' It was constructive, and totally made my day. I wish I could give you a review nearly as good. ^^
5/15/2006 c1 1DuchessYappingDog
What? Her shadow? _ You're going to have to explain this one to me...
1DuchessYappingDogWhat? Her shadow? _ You're going to have to explain this one to me...
5/6/2006 c1 LuthienBlack
Wow. I don't give really long or exciting reviews, but I just wanted to say that, that was one of the most awesome things I have ever read! I don't even know what else to say. It was just cool.
Wow. I don't give really long or exciting reviews, but I just wanted to say that, that was one of the most awesome things I have ever read! I don't even know what else to say. It was just cool.
1/19/2006 c1 6Gilee7
-But I had to this morning. And will have to in the near future too- The second sentence here is just a little bit awkward. I think it could sound much better.
-I’m sure I was the most attractive girl on campus this morning. Red eyes, limp hair, feet dragging on the pavement.- Odd description. When I first read it I saw an image of the girl like passed out from whatever it is that happened last night; some wild party or something perhaps. I'm trying to tie in this beginning with the ending and if this is like a major clue to it perhaps.
-I saw somebody this afternoon. She was coming out of the library (where else?) and was waving to him.- I like the way you refer to the girl as "somebody" throughout the piece, but I think it'd be especially cool if you capitalized it, as if perhaps that was her name. "Hey, my name is Somebody; nice to meet you!" I don't think we need the extra little part in parenthesis here, though. I think you were trying to be cute or something, but it seems out of place. You never add anything else in parenthesis throughout the rest of this piece. So it's unnecessary. Cut it.
-Somebody was “…bright, vivacious, charming, and sweet…”- I really like that. How you add the quotation marks for her description, allowing the guy's words to describe her for us.
-I glanced around surreptitiously, intending to give whoever was following me a bit of a scare.- "Surreptitiously" is too big a word for a piece like this.
-I glanced around surreptitiously, intending to give whoever was following me a bit of a scare. Nobody was behind me.- I know you want to keep repeating the "nobody was behind me" line, but really, since she's looking AROUND her this time, shouldn't it be "Nobody was around me?"
-They were holding hands, fingers entwined like the vines of a honeysuckle around an old tree.- I like that.
-I stumbled on the narrow ledge of my vantage point and stubbed my toe, pitching forward into the bright street light.- I think "falling" or another word like that would work much better than "pitching."
-My face joined my red eyes in their depths of crimson.- I really like this sentence, too.
-I turned around to confront her. Nobody was behind me.- Really cool ending. I had no idea who/what it was going to be, and I found this to be a major surprise. I see the stalker (of the stalker) as the girl's conscience. Nobody was ever behind her. She only saw herself.
I liked this piece. I like the short, quick sentences. They add to the nature of the piece. It moves along very smoothly. The piece is kinda creepy, especially with the ending, which makes it all the better.
This was a nice little read. I really enjoyed it.
6Gilee7-But I had to this morning. And will have to in the near future too- The second sentence here is just a little bit awkward. I think it could sound much better.
-I’m sure I was the most attractive girl on campus this morning. Red eyes, limp hair, feet dragging on the pavement.- Odd description. When I first read it I saw an image of the girl like passed out from whatever it is that happened last night; some wild party or something perhaps. I'm trying to tie in this beginning with the ending and if this is like a major clue to it perhaps.
-I saw somebody this afternoon. She was coming out of the library (where else?) and was waving to him.- I like the way you refer to the girl as "somebody" throughout the piece, but I think it'd be especially cool if you capitalized it, as if perhaps that was her name. "Hey, my name is Somebody; nice to meet you!" I don't think we need the extra little part in parenthesis here, though. I think you were trying to be cute or something, but it seems out of place. You never add anything else in parenthesis throughout the rest of this piece. So it's unnecessary. Cut it.
-Somebody was “…bright, vivacious, charming, and sweet…”- I really like that. How you add the quotation marks for her description, allowing the guy's words to describe her for us.
-I glanced around surreptitiously, intending to give whoever was following me a bit of a scare.- "Surreptitiously" is too big a word for a piece like this.
-I glanced around surreptitiously, intending to give whoever was following me a bit of a scare. Nobody was behind me.- I know you want to keep repeating the "nobody was behind me" line, but really, since she's looking AROUND her this time, shouldn't it be "Nobody was around me?"
-They were holding hands, fingers entwined like the vines of a honeysuckle around an old tree.- I like that.
-I stumbled on the narrow ledge of my vantage point and stubbed my toe, pitching forward into the bright street light.- I think "falling" or another word like that would work much better than "pitching."
-My face joined my red eyes in their depths of crimson.- I really like this sentence, too.
-I turned around to confront her. Nobody was behind me.- Really cool ending. I had no idea who/what it was going to be, and I found this to be a major surprise. I see the stalker (of the stalker) as the girl's conscience. Nobody was ever behind her. She only saw herself.
I liked this piece. I like the short, quick sentences. They add to the nature of the piece. It moves along very smoothly. The piece is kinda creepy, especially with the ending, which makes it all the better.
This was a nice little read. I really enjoyed it.
1/6/2006 c1 3Black Hellebore
"Woah. So freakin' awesome."
First impression. I find it important to preserve them, somehow.
I like the repetition, I like the anger, I like the green flame of envy that enlightens so many (and you did such a nice job describing it, too) and I really like the narrator. Overall, a nice little ficcy. Cheers!
Ciao, muchachos!
3Black Hellebore"Woah. So freakin' awesome."
First impression. I find it important to preserve them, somehow.
I like the repetition, I like the anger, I like the green flame of envy that enlightens so many (and you did such a nice job describing it, too) and I really like the narrator. Overall, a nice little ficcy. Cheers!
Ciao, muchachos!
1/6/2006 c1 19my dangerous angel baby
I love this! Ah, how envy can become so ugly and obsessed. And I like the repetition of "I turned around" and "Nobody was behind me." Great job!
19my dangerous angel babyI love this! Ah, how envy can become so ugly and obsessed. And I like the repetition of "I turned around" and "Nobody was behind me." Great job!
12/31/2005 c1 3Geistjaeger
Okay... Here's my interpretation. Maybe I'm reading this. Maybe I missed something. Maybe I'm a Chinese Jet Pilot. Is she following herself, and the person behind her is the ghost of who she has yet to become? If so, I get this story. If I'm wrong, I still like it. I don't know why, but it has a kind of subliminal creepiness to it that I'm attracted to like a moth to flame.
3GeistjaegerOkay... Here's my interpretation. Maybe I'm reading this. Maybe I missed something. Maybe I'm a Chinese Jet Pilot. Is she following herself, and the person behind her is the ghost of who she has yet to become? If so, I get this story. If I'm wrong, I still like it. I don't know why, but it has a kind of subliminal creepiness to it that I'm attracted to like a moth to flame.
12/31/2005 c1 Arcadia Lynch
Ahh, guilt and paranoia. I like this piece, it has a very creepy disjointed feel. The only thing that really bothers me is they way you have so many one line paragraphs. Just a little nit-pick. It is an interesting piece though.
Also, I LOVE your profile it's very cute. And Thanks for the reviews you left me. I'm happy someone noticed the parallelism I was using in 'Honesty'.
~D
Ahh, guilt and paranoia. I like this piece, it has a very creepy disjointed feel. The only thing that really bothers me is they way you have so many one line paragraphs. Just a little nit-pick. It is an interesting piece though.
Also, I LOVE your profile it's very cute. And Thanks for the reviews you left me. I'm happy someone noticed the parallelism I was using in 'Honesty'.
~D
11/23/2005 c1 11les petits bateaux
Scary and a very mystical and enigmatic ending. Beautiful, yet somehow realistic, little piece. Good job.
~~Trinity
11les petits bateauxScary and a very mystical and enigmatic ending. Beautiful, yet somehow realistic, little piece. Good job.
~~Trinity