Just In
for Just Words

4/19/2006 c1 4A. J. Weyler
Okay. It's a relatively good start. Could use some polishing up, though. I have to say, I don't like how you use 'ya' 'instead of 'you'. I know it's just dialect, but it irritates me a little. It doesn't seem like she talking naturally. Every time I come across a 'ya' I think, "Woah, where'd that come from?" and I have to read the sentence over again.

This sentence was a little confusing: "I mean I’m always glad when you come but I’m really glad that you came now it’s just that it seems like you would have a reason to come and see me now so I was just wondering and ya know what? I’m gonna shut up and let you talk." I know she's supposed to be babbling, but add a few commas here or there to make it more understandable.
4/1/2006 c1 13shutupcharlotte
i really love this story. it's the perfect length & it fits so much emotion in it.

i like the end, how it leaves his change open-ended.

i don't know, but it's good.
12/22/2005 c1 7Illastic
The way that you write seems almost effortless - like the whole thing, the whole life-changing encounter was just a day-by-day thing. But then you read about her reactions, and she seems so real and genuine that you can't help but relate to her.

The ending is like a slap of harsh reality. Just words... yeah, I've met guys like that.

Great short story! =} I wish I could write as well as you.

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service