
4/24/2008 c1
22Starleaf
Just returning a review, since you reviewed one of my works. :)
I did like this, but I felt that the inconsistent rhyming kind of made it a bit choppy. I'm not one for rhyming, myself; it's nice if you can really master it, but often it just makes things awkward and sing-song-ish.
Other than that, I don't really find much, if any, faults. Like I said, it just doesn't flow all that well, but I think the content of the poem and some of the lines (such as "And to this day, I could never part / With her empty, loveless... / whisper.") are good. I think in those particular lines it would sound better if whisper was a part of the previous line (With her empty, loveless whisper), but that might not be how you intended it.
All in all, good work, I'm just picky. :P

Just returning a review, since you reviewed one of my works. :)
I did like this, but I felt that the inconsistent rhyming kind of made it a bit choppy. I'm not one for rhyming, myself; it's nice if you can really master it, but often it just makes things awkward and sing-song-ish.
Other than that, I don't really find much, if any, faults. Like I said, it just doesn't flow all that well, but I think the content of the poem and some of the lines (such as "And to this day, I could never part / With her empty, loveless... / whisper.") are good. I think in those particular lines it would sound better if whisper was a part of the previous line (With her empty, loveless whisper), but that might not be how you intended it.
All in all, good work, I'm just picky. :P
11/2/2006 c1
4autumnmurder
Beautiful, and so heartwrenching at the same time. "I'm touching the darkness/ to hear your dead song" amazing line. Caught my eye automatically. Thank you so much for reviewing my work.

Beautiful, and so heartwrenching at the same time. "I'm touching the darkness/ to hear your dead song" amazing line. Caught my eye automatically. Thank you so much for reviewing my work.
10/12/2006 c1
3SunFlower737
this poem was really haunting and i like the intensity of it! you choose words that somehow sound great together. Keep up the good work!

this poem was really haunting and i like the intensity of it! you choose words that somehow sound great together. Keep up the good work!
8/18/2006 c1 Halcyon Impulsion
You have some great lines in this. The first couple especially pack quite a punch. I'm rarely a fan of poetry that rhymes purposely but that said, I think this is a good piece. I hope you post more poetry.
You have some great lines in this. The first couple especially pack quite a punch. I'm rarely a fan of poetry that rhymes purposely but that said, I think this is a good piece. I hope you post more poetry.
8/13/2006 c1 I Have Moved
That was fucking awesome!LolWell doneReally well written peice.I enjoyed reading it very muchly!
Much LoveAshleigh
p.s Shine Brightly(although I think you already are)
That was fucking awesome!LolWell doneReally well written peice.I enjoyed reading it very muchly!
Much LoveAshleigh
p.s Shine Brightly(although I think you already are)
8/12/2006 c1
123Black and White Dreams
Ouch 0.0
Very deep. The emotion... very powerful. Lovely.
*::~Cat~::*

Ouch 0.0
Very deep. The emotion... very powerful. Lovely.
*::~Cat~::*
7/19/2006 c1 a lonely september
i know you're gonna think i'm pathetic cos i didn't read your fiction stuff & i skipped right to the poetry but i'm slow and it would take me an eternity. there, my explanation & now onto the poem...this was really nice. i dont have too much to say about it, but it was good 'i'm touching the darkness/to hear your dead song' i like that. . . so many other really nice lines in this. it's good. : )
i know you're gonna think i'm pathetic cos i didn't read your fiction stuff & i skipped right to the poetry but i'm slow and it would take me an eternity. there, my explanation & now onto the poem...this was really nice. i dont have too much to say about it, but it was good 'i'm touching the darkness/to hear your dead song' i like that. . . so many other really nice lines in this. it's good. : )
11/26/2005 c1
26ak-stoner-pride
i liked it alot. it has a lot of feeling...and you dont really find alot of guys with the talent of writing a good poem. keep up the good work. (oh...and if this isnt a guy...then im sorry lol it came off as being a guy. hehe)

i liked it alot. it has a lot of feeling...and you dont really find alot of guys with the talent of writing a good poem. keep up the good work. (oh...and if this isnt a guy...then im sorry lol it came off as being a guy. hehe)