for Perfect6/11/2006 c1 Bloodsinger
I like how this comes full circle and repeats the first and last lines. the short, one-word lines flow very nicely. There is one porblem in these lines:
"Because right here,
I can’t think
I can’t remember the way
That everyone but you-
You!"
They're a bit confusing, and choppier than the rest of the poem. The use of an exclamation point and the seperation of "you" kind of stops the flow of the poem briefly, and while it's a nice technique, as a reader, I feel the sudden jolt doesn't suit the rest of the poem. Other than that, good poem.
I like how this comes full circle and repeats the first and last lines. the short, one-word lines flow very nicely. There is one porblem in these lines:
"Because right here,
I can’t think
I can’t remember the way
That everyone but you-
You!"
They're a bit confusing, and choppier than the rest of the poem. The use of an exclamation point and the seperation of "you" kind of stops the flow of the poem briefly, and while it's a nice technique, as a reader, I feel the sudden jolt doesn't suit the rest of the poem. Other than that, good poem.
12/17/2005 c1 
32Dewi
Have you ever seen a performance of The Vagina Monologues? This reminded me of the 'Reclaiming Cunt' monologue; you should try and see it sometime. Anyway, I really love the flow of this - it brings slam poetry to mind, if you read it how I imagined it being read. Nice.
32DewiHave you ever seen a performance of The Vagina Monologues? This reminded me of the 'Reclaiming Cunt' monologue; you should try and see it sometime. Anyway, I really love the flow of this - it brings slam poetry to mind, if you read it how I imagined it being read. Nice.
12/9/2005 c1 90poetic abortion
your words just flow beautifully, the writing itself is gorgeous but seemed...stinted? it just didn't thrill me as much as I regularly would by a poem of this calibur. the romantic aspect of this has been done (the 'curtain' line mostly). then again, most Love poems are the same in some way so I will not linger on that thought. I really like the imagery, it just added such a pretty image to the whole thing. lovely, lovely poem.
~* noelle
90poetic abortionyour words just flow beautifully, the writing itself is gorgeous but seemed...stinted? it just didn't thrill me as much as I regularly would by a poem of this calibur. the romantic aspect of this has been done (the 'curtain' line mostly). then again, most Love poems are the same in some way so I will not linger on that thought. I really like the imagery, it just added such a pretty image to the whole thing. lovely, lovely poem.
~* noelle