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3/11/2006 c4 mastifo
they are in school...they are secret agents...and they have a car...cukocuko

issues
3/11/2006 c2 mastifo
"blah blah blah" said blah"blah blah BLAH" scremed blah number2

well, i am just gonna pull out my colt.45 with a barrel 45 mm long and a kick back of 50 newtons WHOLLY CRAP, NO ONE CARES WHAT THE GUN IS CALLED! it is a hand gun
3/11/2006 c1 mastifo
wow, you talk way to much for an action story. and man, no one really cares what the name of a gun is, all people wanna here, is what they hell happend to the person who got shot.
3/7/2006 c3 Relix
Sorry! I was receiving my author alerts in my Spam Box, sorry about the long delay on the reviews!

Well anyway, in the last review I gave you I meant to say AWESOME CHAPTER, not character. Ok, now that I settled that let's move on. I found it funny that Dichnicov's gun was locked, though maybe you could explain the nanomachines bit (a Deus Ex Machina I guess! [hope you know what that is]) because I don't remember anything about nanomachines.

Well anyway, I think it is time to deal with the story a bit more and leave the gore and violence for later on (though I love the details!). It's starting to feel a little empty, but still I love the characters (Chip and Skywolf) and the incredible gory details. Anyway, going to read the next chappie! Good work!
2/16/2006 c3 Darket
I like this, It gets more and more bad ass. It's almost mystical that the guy was struck in the chest and didn't die. This is like one of those cool anime stories really.

Keep up the good work.
2/16/2006 c4 ash
more detile to where they are. like if there in a room or not . it might also build up the suspense
2/15/2006 c4 2Oni Starwind
U FINALLY UPDATED! CHOP AND SKYWORLF ARE BACK ON the map good job! I'll be waiting for the next update some time soon i hope.
1/31/2006 c3 Oni Starwind
LOL this chapter was great and hillarous. Dichniocov shot his gun! clicK! lol update soon man! u gotta tell me these things when you update cuz my e-mail dont work no more buti should check you out more often now.
12/20/2005 c2 Relix
Ok, let me tell you I LOVED this character. I am growing fond of Skywolf, nice, cool, rude guy =). Also Chip has grown some guts out of nowhere it seems. Its quite violent and descriptive, but it rules man! I believed every single second of it! Good job (also loved when Chip took his Katana out from the sheath... how nice). Excellent! Gonna read Chapter 3 now!
12/20/2005 c1 Relix
Hey, nice stuff, has a good potential. Lots of action, I love that =P. Two small things though:

I was looking at reviews on the Prequel and let me tell you something: Action is an integral part, but you must develop the characters throughtly. Dialogue is necessary for any story to develop., and for action scenes to have an impact on the reader.

2) Maybe it would be better if you described how the gun looks, etc. I myself, don't know much about guns (maybe swords... but not guns!). Still, it was a nice bloodbath in the 1st chapter. Now to read ths second one!

PS: By the way, do not read Omen of Chaos as I stopped work on that. It's interesting and that, but I think i focused a little too much in action and not on story. I will see how I can fix that later, but maybe you should read my new work, Ishiro. Leaps and bounds better!
12/19/2005 c1 Darket
Looks good. I'm impressed because the action in this is pretty fucking good. I give you my best of luck, nice fucking job. Hell yes. Keep writing.
12/14/2005 c2 6Anya Tempest
I think perhaps you put too much emphasis in the action and not enough on the characters. Although action is good, it needs to be balanced out with description of setting and building of characterisation, otherwise it's just a mindless bloodbath.

The characteristaion in this story was better than in the other one, but it could still do with a little more depth added. (I also don't have a very big knowledge of guns, so terms like "glock" and ".45 Magnum" don't mean very much to me =/ )

But, like I said, an improvement over before, so well done. I'll keep an eye out for updates =D
12/14/2005 c2 sasuke-kun
Yea man this is way better than the prequeal, Chip is my favorite charecter! Man darn that Dichnicov guy i wonder how he'd survied! update soon man. ANd its his wife at first it was his mother but i changed it thank you for pointing that out.
12/8/2005 c1 2Sambo2612
Well, compared to your other story, this is a much better one, more action. So, it was action packed, except a little too pacy, and still, a little bit more character development is needed. But still, excellent, update soon!

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