for Anger12/10/2005 c1 
39SliversofSilverPain
wow. well done! very interesting! I love the concepts and the words used to almost spit this in their face. amazing.this poem is dark, almost trapped, but also free, full of contempt for those below it
39SliversofSilverPainwow. well done! very interesting! I love the concepts and the words used to almost spit this in their face. amazing.this poem is dark, almost trapped, but also free, full of contempt for those below it
12/6/2005 c1 879Moondog Dozier
imagery is evident in several places. you do delve into the theme well. the only constructive advice I can give is to be more descriptive as in specifics rather than generalities. like,"their dirty hands", this elicits an image that is universal. Otherwise it far exceeds most first attempts.
879Moondog Dozierimagery is evident in several places. you do delve into the theme well. the only constructive advice I can give is to be more descriptive as in specifics rather than generalities. like,"their dirty hands", this elicits an image that is universal. Otherwise it far exceeds most first attempts.
12/6/2005 c1 Aslam
personally if this is your 1st attempt at poetry i think your headed in the right direction, im yet to read your other stuff so i will see if it gets better.
For this poem i think it needed more of a rhythm, you seemed to have a choppy pattern goin on but i found it a bit hard to follow, on a good note, you had good imagery!
-aslam
personally if this is your 1st attempt at poetry i think your headed in the right direction, im yet to read your other stuff so i will see if it gets better.
For this poem i think it needed more of a rhythm, you seemed to have a choppy pattern goin on but i found it a bit hard to follow, on a good note, you had good imagery!
-aslam