for The Tempest Team: Times Of Trial2/11/2008 c9 
4Sadwyn
First off, this has quickly become one of my favourite stories ever. I like your writing style, the plot, and your characters are amazing. I apologize for not contributing much constructive criticism, but I was far too drawn into the tale to think much about it, perhaps I will with the next bit. As to the character of William...I think Red Pheonix is mad. William isn't at all arrogant, a touch proud at times perhaps, but with his background I think that's to be expected, and I don't blame him for it. He is definitely my favourite character as well. I like the others also, of course. Well, except Rik. I mean, I like him alright, but he frequently irritates me. I like Oanna and Helen, and I am always impressed by Alicia. I like Zach too, he always makes me grin. But I am hopelessly in love with William. Everything about him. (If you could send me a picture when you get a chance, I would be thrilled!) Please, please upload more soon.
4SadwynFirst off, this has quickly become one of my favourite stories ever. I like your writing style, the plot, and your characters are amazing. I apologize for not contributing much constructive criticism, but I was far too drawn into the tale to think much about it, perhaps I will with the next bit. As to the character of William...I think Red Pheonix is mad. William isn't at all arrogant, a touch proud at times perhaps, but with his background I think that's to be expected, and I don't blame him for it. He is definitely my favourite character as well. I like the others also, of course. Well, except Rik. I mean, I like him alright, but he frequently irritates me. I like Oanna and Helen, and I am always impressed by Alicia. I like Zach too, he always makes me grin. But I am hopelessly in love with William. Everything about him. (If you could send me a picture when you get a chance, I would be thrilled!) Please, please upload more soon.
6/13/2007 c8 Tori
I really liked this story, but I guessed from quite early on that Crowe was a baddie. Perhaps you should introduce more characters to give more options as to who Chrone was. Other than that, it was brilliant. I like William's character - definitely very heroic. Also, is there anything between Rik-without-a-C and Helena, or am I just seeing what I want to see? Lastly, I thought that the self doubts of the heroes was a nice touch, because it gave some depth to the characters.
I really liked this story, but I guessed from quite early on that Crowe was a baddie. Perhaps you should introduce more characters to give more options as to who Chrone was. Other than that, it was brilliant. I like William's character - definitely very heroic. Also, is there anything between Rik-without-a-C and Helena, or am I just seeing what I want to see? Lastly, I thought that the self doubts of the heroes was a nice touch, because it gave some depth to the characters.
6/9/2007 c9 Vardaman
Alright, I read issues 1 and 2 and i think it's about time to give you a review. The story is really cool (I love superhero stories) and the situations (missions) you think up are engaging and well used. I'm also impressed with your characters; mainly that you didn't turn Zach into some mindless comic-relief character. I would, however, like it if you explored Rik's character as a bit more than just a devil's advocate sort, which I can see you are already making an effort to do. As for your survey, I love William's power, and the idea that he comes from a post-modern dimension and doesn't really get nowadays inventions always provides some worthwhile humor, but I have to say, I think he would be a much better character if you cut down on the melodrama a bit. For instance, that line that goes something along the wayss of "I will kill you! I swear it!" feels unoriginal. And maybe if you could give him some flaws besides a quick temper, such as struggling with his leadership duties, that would be awesome. Now, while i've tried to be as constructive as possible, i know you can't send me that full color picture because i'm not a user, but do you think you could maybe post it on deviantart or something, and then put your username on your profile so I could check up and admire it. THanks a billion.
Alright, I read issues 1 and 2 and i think it's about time to give you a review. The story is really cool (I love superhero stories) and the situations (missions) you think up are engaging and well used. I'm also impressed with your characters; mainly that you didn't turn Zach into some mindless comic-relief character. I would, however, like it if you explored Rik's character as a bit more than just a devil's advocate sort, which I can see you are already making an effort to do. As for your survey, I love William's power, and the idea that he comes from a post-modern dimension and doesn't really get nowadays inventions always provides some worthwhile humor, but I have to say, I think he would be a much better character if you cut down on the melodrama a bit. For instance, that line that goes something along the wayss of "I will kill you! I swear it!" feels unoriginal. And maybe if you could give him some flaws besides a quick temper, such as struggling with his leadership duties, that would be awesome. Now, while i've tried to be as constructive as possible, i know you can't send me that full color picture because i'm not a user, but do you think you could maybe post it on deviantart or something, and then put your username on your profile so I could check up and admire it. THanks a billion.
11/12/2006 c9 8Nightfoot
I read both Issues 1 & 2 in one sitting. They are awsome! SOme of my favorite superhero stories I've ever read (although I haven't really read that many...). One thing: when somebody quotes another in their dialogue, the quoted text should be in ' ' not " ". AT least I think that's how it supposed to be. Ok, actualy two things: I was just wondering the origins of their superhero names. I understand Siren, but what about Maulkin or Venin? Do those names have a meaning? And on William, he's my favorite character. Your friend must just be jealous, because William is really cool! I love his ignorance of modern society. So awsome!
8NightfootI read both Issues 1 & 2 in one sitting. They are awsome! SOme of my favorite superhero stories I've ever read (although I haven't really read that many...). One thing: when somebody quotes another in their dialogue, the quoted text should be in ' ' not " ". AT least I think that's how it supposed to be. Ok, actualy two things: I was just wondering the origins of their superhero names. I understand Siren, but what about Maulkin or Venin? Do those names have a meaning? And on William, he's my favorite character. Your friend must just be jealous, because William is really cool! I love his ignorance of modern society. So awsome!
9/15/2006 c9 132samwise606
Yay! The conclusion! After accidentally deleting everything I wrote the first time right before sending review, I am going to recap once again all of the stuff I liked, in a review that will be sufficiently longer than most of mine.It's good that you had the conflict between the heroes and the government. Even though they're supposed to be on the same side, that's always an interesting predicament because following govt. regulations often restricts the heroes from doing what they need to in order to stop the bad guy. Also the part about Helen and not being cut out for heroing; a lot of heroes have been known to feel like this, and it's kind of ironic how even after she ported everyone away and saved all their lives she still thinks she's a damsel in distress. Glad to see that Rik isn't a total jerk though, and that Helen will be staying with the team, and that her fight skills will be improving via training with William. Good job with these plot elements.Good resourcefulness in hacking the computer to trace the email. I thought that maybe Alicia would mind-read Munroe to find out if she knew anything, but your idea was good too.So Chrone is Crowe, eh? Interesting. I might've guessed...but I didn't. I liked seeing the classic villain monologue, in which the bad guy reveals all his plans and secrets, not thinking the good guys will be alive long enough to make any use of them. Cool how you kinda tied it in to more fantasy-like things, with the ancient power source (will there be more about that in the History of Odipan?) And I noticed the power crystal wasn't destroyed after all. Just as I thought. And we finally learn how William came to this dimension! Nice how you tied that in with everything. I was really excited at the end, with the climax and the portal and all of that. And of course, the cliffhanger ending adds a nice touch.There were a few lines/parts that I found funny. A lot of them were just small things, but it's not hard to get me to laugh, so I found them funny. William sparing Helen from Zach's cooking; asking if 'cool' was used in the correct context; Zach's reference to mad ninja skills (which, used in conjunction with computer hacking skills, made me think of a certain flippin' sweet movie); William trying to rationalize disobdience of orders, saying that Zach was only teaching him skills necessary for life; Mrs. Millston not understanding the pop culture references; Rik yelling at Crowe/Chrone about how his name was spelled.In reply to your author's note, I think William might be my favorite as well (either him or Zach, though I'm kinda leaning toward the former). Unlike Rik, he is not an arrogant drip, and I actually like him. No, Rik is okay, and has proven himself to be not totally a jerk in this issue, but still isn't as cool as William. There's my opinion; can I have a full-color Seraph picture to add to the one I've already seen of Maulkin?Nice advertisements at the end. I might look at some of them eventually (though you know how long it takes me to get around to those things). But they sound good. I really, really liked this chapter, and look forward to the continuation in Tazlandor. Also, when can we expect a guest appearance from Jev, Guardian of the Source? :-)Keep up the good work, and God bless!-Samwise
132samwise606Yay! The conclusion! After accidentally deleting everything I wrote the first time right before sending review, I am going to recap once again all of the stuff I liked, in a review that will be sufficiently longer than most of mine.It's good that you had the conflict between the heroes and the government. Even though they're supposed to be on the same side, that's always an interesting predicament because following govt. regulations often restricts the heroes from doing what they need to in order to stop the bad guy. Also the part about Helen and not being cut out for heroing; a lot of heroes have been known to feel like this, and it's kind of ironic how even after she ported everyone away and saved all their lives she still thinks she's a damsel in distress. Glad to see that Rik isn't a total jerk though, and that Helen will be staying with the team, and that her fight skills will be improving via training with William. Good job with these plot elements.Good resourcefulness in hacking the computer to trace the email. I thought that maybe Alicia would mind-read Munroe to find out if she knew anything, but your idea was good too.So Chrone is Crowe, eh? Interesting. I might've guessed...but I didn't. I liked seeing the classic villain monologue, in which the bad guy reveals all his plans and secrets, not thinking the good guys will be alive long enough to make any use of them. Cool how you kinda tied it in to more fantasy-like things, with the ancient power source (will there be more about that in the History of Odipan?) And I noticed the power crystal wasn't destroyed after all. Just as I thought. And we finally learn how William came to this dimension! Nice how you tied that in with everything. I was really excited at the end, with the climax and the portal and all of that. And of course, the cliffhanger ending adds a nice touch.There were a few lines/parts that I found funny. A lot of them were just small things, but it's not hard to get me to laugh, so I found them funny. William sparing Helen from Zach's cooking; asking if 'cool' was used in the correct context; Zach's reference to mad ninja skills (which, used in conjunction with computer hacking skills, made me think of a certain flippin' sweet movie); William trying to rationalize disobdience of orders, saying that Zach was only teaching him skills necessary for life; Mrs. Millston not understanding the pop culture references; Rik yelling at Crowe/Chrone about how his name was spelled.In reply to your author's note, I think William might be my favorite as well (either him or Zach, though I'm kinda leaning toward the former). Unlike Rik, he is not an arrogant drip, and I actually like him. No, Rik is okay, and has proven himself to be not totally a jerk in this issue, but still isn't as cool as William. There's my opinion; can I have a full-color Seraph picture to add to the one I've already seen of Maulkin?Nice advertisements at the end. I might look at some of them eventually (though you know how long it takes me to get around to those things). But they sound good. I really, really liked this chapter, and look forward to the continuation in Tazlandor. Also, when can we expect a guest appearance from Jev, Guardian of the Source? :-)Keep up the good work, and God bless!-Samwise
9/10/2006 c8 samwise606
I think we've reached the climax of the story. Sorry this one will be short, I have to get off soon. But I like how the chapter ended. They've finally encountered Chrone-or his voice, at least-and have to deal with his final trap. Very suspenseful. I'll try to finish it up within a few days. Just one more thing I wanted to comment on: "The tunnel was caved in completely, completely burying Venin beneath the rubble." Maybe reword that a little bit. Sounds awkward to have 'completely' twice in a row. Other than that, great job!-Samwise
I think we've reached the climax of the story. Sorry this one will be short, I have to get off soon. But I like how the chapter ended. They've finally encountered Chrone-or his voice, at least-and have to deal with his final trap. Very suspenseful. I'll try to finish it up within a few days. Just one more thing I wanted to comment on: "The tunnel was caved in completely, completely burying Venin beneath the rubble." Maybe reword that a little bit. Sounds awkward to have 'completely' twice in a row. Other than that, great job!-Samwise
8/6/2006 c7 samwise606
I liked this one. Glad that Zach didn't die. Good plot, and some good ideas. The thing about Maulkin contacting the bomb guy through a song was clever. I also thought you had some really cool lines, like Nimbus's "Cool calm, confident, good at aliiteration...", that was funny. And the irony of knocking someone out with a first-aid kit. Good job. I'll try to read the next chapter soon, though I know I keep saying that and haven't gotten to it yet. I'll do it some time, though.-Samwise
I liked this one. Glad that Zach didn't die. Good plot, and some good ideas. The thing about Maulkin contacting the bomb guy through a song was clever. I also thought you had some really cool lines, like Nimbus's "Cool calm, confident, good at aliiteration...", that was funny. And the irony of knocking someone out with a first-aid kit. Good job. I'll try to read the next chapter soon, though I know I keep saying that and haven't gotten to it yet. I'll do it some time, though.-Samwise
7/20/2006 c9 festivus
Looking forward to Issue 3! This is an awesome story so far.
What can I say about William.. Well by Chapter 8 I expected him to have gotten used to Rik a lot more than he was. He isn't really the kickass character I thought he was going to be, but he comes close to it. He still seems a bit out of touch with this dimension, and I expected him to have gotten used to it faster than he has..just seems his personality would have implied that. I love the ending though, and I look forward to seeing him in this next dimension!
One thing that annoyed me a bit was sometimes you don't know who was talking, and more often than not, who was thinking something. Just something to keep in mind for Issue 3 :)
Love what you've got so far. Keep it up!
Looking forward to Issue 3! This is an awesome story so far.
What can I say about William.. Well by Chapter 8 I expected him to have gotten used to Rik a lot more than he was. He isn't really the kickass character I thought he was going to be, but he comes close to it. He still seems a bit out of touch with this dimension, and I expected him to have gotten used to it faster than he has..just seems his personality would have implied that. I love the ending though, and I look forward to seeing him in this next dimension!
One thing that annoyed me a bit was sometimes you don't know who was talking, and more often than not, who was thinking something. Just something to keep in mind for Issue 3 :)
Love what you've got so far. Keep it up!
7/20/2006 c5 festivus
You know, I've realized something. The main reason I like this story is because you elaborate on the weaknesses of each character and don't simply revolve around the many strengths the heroes might have. Disappointment and sadness happens in your stories, and it's not always a happy trek to the finish line. I really enjoy that about this piece.
I do have a few questions..how does William hide those wings of his? Is his suit that nifty as to hide his wings and make him seem normal to the old man with the painting girl beside him?
Another thing I'm wondering...where are all the normal cops in this whole situation? I mean, where were they during the bank robbing? Does the police force just say "Okay, we'll let the heroes handle it"?
Still love this story. Time to read the rest!
You know, I've realized something. The main reason I like this story is because you elaborate on the weaknesses of each character and don't simply revolve around the many strengths the heroes might have. Disappointment and sadness happens in your stories, and it's not always a happy trek to the finish line. I really enjoy that about this piece.
I do have a few questions..how does William hide those wings of his? Is his suit that nifty as to hide his wings and make him seem normal to the old man with the painting girl beside him?
Another thing I'm wondering...where are all the normal cops in this whole situation? I mean, where were they during the bank robbing? Does the police force just say "Okay, we'll let the heroes handle it"?
Still love this story. Time to read the rest!
7/11/2006 c6 samwise606
Still an intriguing story. Very fun to read. I liked their random conversation about the car and writing on itself and starfish...that was good. Zach is still a funny character, and seeing him interact with the serious, mature, battle-hardened William produces interesting reading. Now, will they find the bomb in time...? I'll be sure to read the next chapter soon, maybe I can finish it soon. It's getting to the climax so I really want to see what happens. Til then,Samwise
Still an intriguing story. Very fun to read. I liked their random conversation about the car and writing on itself and starfish...that was good. Zach is still a funny character, and seeing him interact with the serious, mature, battle-hardened William produces interesting reading. Now, will they find the bomb in time...? I'll be sure to read the next chapter soon, maybe I can finish it soon. It's getting to the climax so I really want to see what happens. Til then,Samwise
7/2/2006 c5 samwise606
I really enjoyed this chapter. They finally meet their enemies in combat! Mirror's powers are cool-the abilitiy to copy an opponents' power. I bet that comes in handy. And "special shoes" was cool too. I'm actually glad to see that Rik is back, but I hope he and the others can get to the next bomb in time. Suspense is building...I'll be back soon!-Samwise
I really enjoyed this chapter. They finally meet their enemies in combat! Mirror's powers are cool-the abilitiy to copy an opponents' power. I bet that comes in handy. And "special shoes" was cool too. I'm actually glad to see that Rik is back, but I hope he and the others can get to the next bomb in time. Suspense is building...I'll be back soon!-Samwise
6/3/2006 c4 samwise606
Aside from a small handful of grammatical errors, this chapter was good. Rik is still mean, but I'm glad to see that he's not TOTALLY evil, not to the point of joining with Chrone and them...and it was cool to see him with his siblings, a nice picture of family/home. 'Twas funny when William said, "With all due respect, you're an idiot", or whatever. I imagine we'll be seeing more of Mirror later...though her powers haven't been revealed in this chapter, can I make a guess? Maybe she can shapeshift to look like other people...I guess I'll see soon enough. Good job, I hope to read more soon! And in shorter intervals than I have been...ok, bye!-Samwise
Aside from a small handful of grammatical errors, this chapter was good. Rik is still mean, but I'm glad to see that he's not TOTALLY evil, not to the point of joining with Chrone and them...and it was cool to see him with his siblings, a nice picture of family/home. 'Twas funny when William said, "With all due respect, you're an idiot", or whatever. I imagine we'll be seeing more of Mirror later...though her powers haven't been revealed in this chapter, can I make a guess? Maybe she can shapeshift to look like other people...I guess I'll see soon enough. Good job, I hope to read more soon! And in shorter intervals than I have been...ok, bye!-Samwise
5/19/2006 c3 samwise606
Power struggle...nice! There is often internal conflict within a superhero team, so I'm glad you thought to incorporate that here. I'm glad William won-I don't like Rik. I mean, I like him as a character, 'cause a story needs a variety of characters, I just don't like his personality and that he's always mean to Will. And the spit power is pretty gross...It's funny how Zach always thinks everything is awesome. :-)So is Rik like permanantly leaving the team now? Is that what he meant @ the end? I guess there's only one way for me to find out...-SamwiseP.S. Just out of curiosity, what country does this take place in? I inititally pictured everything as American, since I'm American, but I know you're Scottish so I wasn't sure...or is Odipan just a whole separate country unto itself?
Power struggle...nice! There is often internal conflict within a superhero team, so I'm glad you thought to incorporate that here. I'm glad William won-I don't like Rik. I mean, I like him as a character, 'cause a story needs a variety of characters, I just don't like his personality and that he's always mean to Will. And the spit power is pretty gross...It's funny how Zach always thinks everything is awesome. :-)So is Rik like permanantly leaving the team now? Is that what he meant @ the end? I guess there's only one way for me to find out...-SamwiseP.S. Just out of curiosity, what country does this take place in? I inititally pictured everything as American, since I'm American, but I know you're Scottish so I wasn't sure...or is Odipan just a whole separate country unto itself?
4/27/2006 c2 samwise606
Uniforms! Yay! Now with their codenames and uniforms, they really are real superheroes! Coolness. I liked how Alicia made the delivery guy crack, that was funny. And then how the clothes company sent them uniforms as a thankyou for rescue, a novel idea there. Sometimes those minor details can be hard to work out, but you did it quite well.
And thanks for explaining the codenames to me. I recognized Seraph and Nimbus soon after I originally saw them, but the others were hard to get. Well chosen though. It's cool that you used stuff from the Bible and from Shakespeare. And by the way, I know you liked chapter one of my Guardians story, so incase you're wondering, chapter two is up now. I'll read more soon, keep up the good work!-Samwise
Uniforms! Yay! Now with their codenames and uniforms, they really are real superheroes! Coolness. I liked how Alicia made the delivery guy crack, that was funny. And then how the clothes company sent them uniforms as a thankyou for rescue, a novel idea there. Sometimes those minor details can be hard to work out, but you did it quite well.
And thanks for explaining the codenames to me. I recognized Seraph and Nimbus soon after I originally saw them, but the others were hard to get. Well chosen though. It's cool that you used stuff from the Bible and from Shakespeare. And by the way, I know you liked chapter one of my Guardians story, so incase you're wondering, chapter two is up now. I'll read more soon, keep up the good work!-Samwise
4/12/2006 c1 Luciferian
my dear, womderful, i am sorry it took so long, i found no problems following the charactures, and on the bit were they are on the third mission, page 8? is there more after this? xxJp
my dear, womderful, i am sorry it took so long, i found no problems following the charactures, and on the bit were they are on the third mission, page 8? is there more after this? xxJp