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for The Tempest Team: Times Of Trial

12/31/2005 c2 2SSSSS
It's only the first chapter and Rik is already arguing with William. I don't see any problems aside from punctutaion; but it doesn't matter so much. It's only the introduction chapter, so there isn't really anything much else to say.


P.S. Thanks for yet another review. I do actually proof read, and use a spell check. But there are somethings that slip by-either from my eye, or because I simply used the wrong word. (Ex: Loose is a word, so the spell check didn't pick up the mistake.)
12/31/2005 c1 SSSSS
Since this prologue explains the previous issue, I will just use this space to say thanks. Thank you for those great reviews and for plucking out anything that confused you. I will be planning on fixing up the whole thing, for I am aware of a bunch of tense and spelling errors. Sometimes I tend to rush, but I try not to. Anyways, thanks again.

12/30/2005 c6 33WyrdWolf
Great installment. The dialouge was greatly improved, too. Nice! Ah, I wanna know what happens next! :)

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

12/26/2005 c5 Ryustorm
the enemy appears! i really like the different superpowers, and division within the group was great and much needed. Mirror sounds really good. and the characters are all really starting to develope. great update, more soon pls
12/23/2005 c5 1Anters
Yeah, a new chapter! Awesome!

Finally seeing some revelation to Chrone’s plans (or, well, at least the bombs) is a nice little set-up. I know I can’t help feel a bit sorry for the team against Mirror, but, what awesome powers! They were not what I was expecting as her powers! Davidson… meh, we really didn’t see too much with him, thus he didn’t interest me much.

For me, its all about Rik and Helen! They are my favorite characters, followed closely by Oanna. But all characters are kewl, and I find them interesting in their own ways.

As for errors, there were mainly three distinctive types of errors I noticed in this chapter. First one was minute, and your comma usage (or, rather lack-of) in the second sentence of the chapter. ‘Instead’ should be surrounded with commas.

Second was a common mistake many people make when using computers. In your sentence “Sometimes I just miss it so much that –“ your second set of quotations actually doesn’t close the saying (see how they are pointing in the wrong direction?) You just got to make sure to get the right closing quotations, not like it really is dramatic or anything, lol.

Thirdly, I felt that when William was speaking about the lady’s paining, it was brutally hard to decipher who was actually saying what. I gathered that the old man said most of it, but perhaps use more dialogue possessions.

Other then that, awesome chapter, I truly can’t wait for more! This whole Chrone thing has me curious, and nice to see the team back together.

PS: Thanks so much for those reviews on my story; I really appreciate your time on that. I know the chapters are viciously long (a mistake I will fix in the sequel) and I’m happy you actually sat down to read it. Means so much! And I know I’m horrible at my tenses, being a country boy doesn’t help me learn written English well (damn those “then” and “than’s”!)

12/23/2005 c5 33WyrdWolf
Hey! Another great chapter! However, it would help if you did some dialogue designation. Unless it is just two people talking, it can be kinda hard to distinguish.

Now that the CC part is over: Mirror's power is way cool. Upon hearing her name, I assumed maybe she could make copies of herself or something. But this makes her seem omnipotent. It's awesome!

As for Davidson, does he actually have powers, or is it just his tech? That part confused me a tad.

I await the next chapter with bated breath!

12/19/2005 c4 1Anters
Oh man, this is getting good. This little story is doing much better then your other in my eyes! The while situation with Rik is keeping me on the edge of my seat as it is! I really can't wait for the next chapter! The only constructive critism I can leave is the speaking roles were a little confusing with no direct owner of diolouge. But, other then that, this story is really good!

12/19/2005 c2 Darket
I like how its starting to build up, but it's nice so far. A good bit of dialogue (I mean that in a good way) because I write with good ammounts of dialogue as long as it turns the story and speeds up. Anyway, nice job.
12/19/2005 c4 33WyrdWolf
Great addition. It would be cool if Rik actually did turn against the team, but then again, he can get beat by William. This was awesome. The anticipation is killing me!

12/14/2005 c3 WyrdWolf
That was great! The whole fight kept my heart in my throat, and I loved the dues ex machina. Can't wwait for more!

12/13/2005 c2 Ryustorm
The uniforms are hilarious, i am so glad that rik doesn't approve. i thought william falling out of the sky was very apt too. sometimes when you write poeple talking you tend to leave out the 'said ...' it can a be just a little confusing, because i have to go back to check who is doing the speaking. although its clear when william is speaking, its not so clear which one of the boys it is talking to him sometimes.great update and write more.
12/13/2005 c2 WyrdWolf
I love it. This is really professionally written. Can't wait for more! :)

12/12/2005 c2 9Kesslyn Rosewood
Very nice :) The uniforms were amusing, and I can't wait to read more!
12/10/2005 c2 dark672
it's good
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