for Pros and Cons of the Trombone12/14/2014 c1 Guest
I thought this was about the trombone
I thought this was about the trombone
8/17/2013 c8 
1my princess ending
Great. You're fucking amazing for leaving it at that. Note the sarcasm.
After what Jordan just said about Mikey and how she would feel if he did like her, I think it's pretty clear that if you do continue with this story, Tommy will end up with Jordan. When that happens, I'll probably continue reading but I'll be irked; just like I was with Damage Control. Why do you make the third wheel seem like my ideal guy? I swear, you do it on purpose and it's not cute. I'm struggling to like Tommy more than Mikey but honestly, I think it's the name that irritates me. I once knew a Tommy and he was a cunt. Let's just leave it at that. I don't think I can ever like boys named Tommy again.
As far as your writing goes, I haven't found any mistakes. At least I can't remember finding any. There is a difference on how you write Pros and Cons of the Trombone and Damage Control. Damage Control seemed to be written a bit more professionally and in a way better. I'm not sure how that works but this story, it just seems like how I write, like an amateur. This isn't an insult in any way, I'm just pointing out that your writing has improved.
The dialogue, narration, etc. I think you beat around the bush in a way. I wasn't sure if this was what you were going for but I didn't understand what the hell got her kicked out of her home until Jordan said it, actually explained it. I have so much trouble catching on to every thing because once I get a theory, something happens that makes me doubt that theory.
I found it really adorable when you introduced Ian, Mikey, and I think it was Matt(?) the first time in the bad room. It was cute how Jordan was seating in front of them and apparently, the three of them played the trombone. I don't know what's wrong with me. It was just so cute, like the three musketeers. The way Jordan said it, in the "believe it or not" manner.
I'm trying to think of any other topics I should touch because I'm not sure if you noticed, I'm trying to get you to continue this story; edit it, then start writing again. Jordan's personality.
She's that girl that wants to change everything and those people really irritate me but Jordan doesn't. She has that "I won't judge anyone" attitude, not because she's a goody-goody but because she's learned it through experience and that's something I can relate to. Everything she does is reasonable and I can understand in some way. But she's also that girl that you don't want to be because once you become her, you feel like you won't be able to be flawless like she was before. I'm literally rambling right now so I'll just end it here.
With love,
my princess ending
1my princess endingGreat. You're fucking amazing for leaving it at that. Note the sarcasm.
After what Jordan just said about Mikey and how she would feel if he did like her, I think it's pretty clear that if you do continue with this story, Tommy will end up with Jordan. When that happens, I'll probably continue reading but I'll be irked; just like I was with Damage Control. Why do you make the third wheel seem like my ideal guy? I swear, you do it on purpose and it's not cute. I'm struggling to like Tommy more than Mikey but honestly, I think it's the name that irritates me. I once knew a Tommy and he was a cunt. Let's just leave it at that. I don't think I can ever like boys named Tommy again.
As far as your writing goes, I haven't found any mistakes. At least I can't remember finding any. There is a difference on how you write Pros and Cons of the Trombone and Damage Control. Damage Control seemed to be written a bit more professionally and in a way better. I'm not sure how that works but this story, it just seems like how I write, like an amateur. This isn't an insult in any way, I'm just pointing out that your writing has improved.
The dialogue, narration, etc. I think you beat around the bush in a way. I wasn't sure if this was what you were going for but I didn't understand what the hell got her kicked out of her home until Jordan said it, actually explained it. I have so much trouble catching on to every thing because once I get a theory, something happens that makes me doubt that theory.
I found it really adorable when you introduced Ian, Mikey, and I think it was Matt(?) the first time in the bad room. It was cute how Jordan was seating in front of them and apparently, the three of them played the trombone. I don't know what's wrong with me. It was just so cute, like the three musketeers. The way Jordan said it, in the "believe it or not" manner.
I'm trying to think of any other topics I should touch because I'm not sure if you noticed, I'm trying to get you to continue this story; edit it, then start writing again. Jordan's personality.
She's that girl that wants to change everything and those people really irritate me but Jordan doesn't. She has that "I won't judge anyone" attitude, not because she's a goody-goody but because she's learned it through experience and that's something I can relate to. Everything she does is reasonable and I can understand in some way. But she's also that girl that you don't want to be because once you become her, you feel like you won't be able to be flawless like she was before. I'm literally rambling right now so I'll just end it here.
With love,
my princess ending
8/17/2013 c5 my princess ending
I promise there is nothing wrong with your writing or your story ideas. It's just me that's weird as fuck. I usually go for the bad boy but there's something about Mikey that I can't resist. I'm literally torn. Tommy seems interesting but I feel as if Mikey "deserves" Jordan more. But I can already freaking tell that Jordan and Mikey won't work out. They're just that one couple that isn't made for each other but they will like each other. I don't even know why I'm stressing out over this because it's discontinued. It makes no sense whatsoever.
With love,
my princess ending
I promise there is nothing wrong with your writing or your story ideas. It's just me that's weird as fuck. I usually go for the bad boy but there's something about Mikey that I can't resist. I'm literally torn. Tommy seems interesting but I feel as if Mikey "deserves" Jordan more. But I can already freaking tell that Jordan and Mikey won't work out. They're just that one couple that isn't made for each other but they will like each other. I don't even know why I'm stressing out over this because it's discontinued. It makes no sense whatsoever.
With love,
my princess ending
8/17/2013 c4 my princess ending
I can really relate to Jordan on some sort of level because I actually hate my mom too. I don't exactly like her in any way but I can relate to the "I don't care about her" feeling. The feeling of getting "kicked out", the disgrace/disappointment, and definitely the feeling of not wanting to tell anyone anything.
With love,
my princess ending
I can really relate to Jordan on some sort of level because I actually hate my mom too. I don't exactly like her in any way but I can relate to the "I don't care about her" feeling. The feeling of getting "kicked out", the disgrace/disappointment, and definitely the feeling of not wanting to tell anyone anything.
With love,
my princess ending
8/17/2013 c2 my princess ending
Oh My Gosh. These chapters are too short. I'll probably finish this by morning.
With love,
my princess ending
Oh My Gosh. These chapters are too short. I'll probably finish this by morning.
With love,
my princess ending
8/17/2013 c1 my princess ending
Call me weird, whatever. I am aware of the fact that this is discontinued. Let me explain, I was reading all the summaries and they all seemed so interesting it irked me that I didn't know where to start. So I thought to myself, why not from the beginning? I went to the story that you have not updated in forever and this happened to be it. I was going to skip this since it's discontinued but...it just seemed interesting.
I'm crazy, trust me, I am. I am so weird that you probably won't even like me but it annoyed me how different Jordan sees things in SF differently from how regular people see things in SF. I have lived here my whole life and I promise you that everyone here, that is a teen and has lived here since forever will agree with me that the Bay isn't all that pretty since you get used to seeing it everyday. I don't know, maybe just me. It's just that she seems to see things from a tourist's eyes. SF is nothing special, the weather is so bad. I don't know how someone can miss this place but then again, Jordan looks at it as a place where she feels at home. I'm weird, crazy, and insane. But don't worry, it's not a big problem. It's just a me thing.
It's a really nice start. I'm intrigued to know what Jordan did to make her parents send her away. I'm hoping it's something really bad, bad enough to make me turn in my grave. Probably won't be that bad though. I hope we find out before the end of this story though. I would be devastated if not. On with chapter two.
With love,
my princess ending
Call me weird, whatever. I am aware of the fact that this is discontinued. Let me explain, I was reading all the summaries and they all seemed so interesting it irked me that I didn't know where to start. So I thought to myself, why not from the beginning? I went to the story that you have not updated in forever and this happened to be it. I was going to skip this since it's discontinued but...it just seemed interesting.
I'm crazy, trust me, I am. I am so weird that you probably won't even like me but it annoyed me how different Jordan sees things in SF differently from how regular people see things in SF. I have lived here my whole life and I promise you that everyone here, that is a teen and has lived here since forever will agree with me that the Bay isn't all that pretty since you get used to seeing it everyday. I don't know, maybe just me. It's just that she seems to see things from a tourist's eyes. SF is nothing special, the weather is so bad. I don't know how someone can miss this place but then again, Jordan looks at it as a place where she feels at home. I'm weird, crazy, and insane. But don't worry, it's not a big problem. It's just a me thing.
It's a really nice start. I'm intrigued to know what Jordan did to make her parents send her away. I'm hoping it's something really bad, bad enough to make me turn in my grave. Probably won't be that bad though. I hope we find out before the end of this story though. I would be devastated if not. On with chapter two.
With love,
my princess ending
1/27/2009 c8 hyagbandgrl
I'm really sad you've discontinued. But the concert scene made me uber happy, so I forgive you. ^_^
I'm really sad you've discontinued. But the concert scene made me uber happy, so I forgive you. ^_^
8/17/2007 c8 aww
Srsly sad that this has been discontinued. I'm a lurker, and I love your stories (...sniff... don't hate me for not reviewing) and it's really depressing that such an awesome story's been blown out like... like a candle in the wind... like a ship from its mooring... and yeah you get it.
But it's freaking genius writing and hopefully we'll see more of it in the future.
Srsly sad that this has been discontinued. I'm a lurker, and I love your stories (...sniff... don't hate me for not reviewing) and it's really depressing that such an awesome story's been blown out like... like a candle in the wind... like a ship from its mooring... and yeah you get it.
But it's freaking genius writing and hopefully we'll see more of it in the future.
4/21/2007 c8 andrea
I LOVE MIKEY! I LOVE MIKEY!
ok. :P
well tommy's okay, but i LOVE mikey. HAHAHAHA.
continue the story already! wait, no.
continue all the stories already!
ok, kidding. just take your time. :P but just so you know, i think i love this one and mastercard theory the most. hehe. :)
I LOVE MIKEY! I LOVE MIKEY!
ok. :P
well tommy's okay, but i LOVE mikey. HAHAHAHA.
continue the story already! wait, no.
continue all the stories already!
ok, kidding. just take your time. :P but just so you know, i think i love this one and mastercard theory the most. hehe. :)
1/23/2007 c8 consecotaleophobia
It's dissapointing to see this is the last chapter you have up in half a year. Almost seven months.
This chapter appeared to be a filler as well. The Six Flags trip was more of a filler to build up to next chapter's actions. I don't know what's up Mikey's ass, but he better get it out.
Fast.
I'm looking forward to the next chapter. Now, I'll be reading your other stories. I hope they're just as well written as this one is.
It's dissapointing to see this is the last chapter you have up in half a year. Almost seven months.
This chapter appeared to be a filler as well. The Six Flags trip was more of a filler to build up to next chapter's actions. I don't know what's up Mikey's ass, but he better get it out.
Fast.
I'm looking forward to the next chapter. Now, I'll be reading your other stories. I hope they're just as well written as this one is.
1/23/2007 c7 consecotaleophobia
You have no idea how much I'm hating Jordan's mom as of this moment. She thinks she can do anything she wants, minus the consequences. I think you should have Jordan beat her up one day, or get her to tell Tommy to do it.
That'd be a scene worth reading.
You have no idea how much I'm hating Jordan's mom as of this moment. She thinks she can do anything she wants, minus the consequences. I think you should have Jordan beat her up one day, or get her to tell Tommy to do it.
That'd be a scene worth reading.
1/23/2007 c6 consecotaleophobia
Eighth graders can get on the nerves of everyone. I've discovered that for myself.
Julie reminds me of the stone cold bitch that everyone learns to like because she's the only one left with some sort of common sense. Amy is the ditzy blonde who thinks the world revolves around her. Am I correct?
I liked how Tommy completely shut down Amy.
Eighth graders can get on the nerves of everyone. I've discovered that for myself.
Julie reminds me of the stone cold bitch that everyone learns to like because she's the only one left with some sort of common sense. Amy is the ditzy blonde who thinks the world revolves around her. Am I correct?
I liked how Tommy completely shut down Amy.