6/17/2006 c1 4skylines
Beautiful. I'd like to have seen a bit more developing, and more intro, to get a sense of what was going on in Aimyee's life. This was a wonderful, powerful piece of work. Brilliant job. Keep on writing!

1/6/2006 c1 5FlowingOfWords
You know, the good thing about one-shots is that not everything -has- to be clear. So I think that's not something to worry about, as long as we understand what and how Aimyee is feeling (that's the main point, no?)

Anyway, that out of the way, this was stunning - wonderful descriptions on both the surroundings and on who Aimyee is. I have the feeling that I know her, and sometimes I don't have that with characters even after twenty chapters, so thumbs up for that! =D

One little CC is that too many sentences start with 'the' or 'she' or another noun. Try to vary with openers, that's always good.

"She looked back to the sun."

Ehr.. where was she looking at before? I seemed to have missed it, and couldn't find it clearly. Might want to clear that up for the nitpickers like me ^^

For some reason, I completely love the finger-to-thumb detail. And I don't know for sure what it is. Somehow it seems to give extra depth to the already deep story, or maybe it gives more character to Aimyee or maybe I just like rituals for warding off demons, or maybe.. Alright, I'll shut up. Ehe - rambling-mood.

"And her angel caught her."

Beau-ti-ful.

12/19/2005 c1 31bjw
I think it's a wonderful character portrayal. The way you write here is excellent! The descriptions..."thin voice, stretched in the wind", "wide expanse of pearly plane", "torn away by the jealous wind". Wow. Oh, and I liked that part about the sun bringing no colour with it when it rose..it was unexpected, and really poignant..it's so hard to imagine a world without colour; a sunrise bleaching all its colour away from it...

I wasn't too sure what happened before Aimyee's time though... was the peace movement some kind of terrorist group? Or something that brought violence to Aeven? But if they were hated then why was violence accepted as a universal truth? Oh! Was it because Aimyee's people hated it, but HAD to accept it because it was through it that they, the "true strength", pulled through? And is Verity something about violence? Hahaha. So many new terms here! Oh what did he give Aimyee? Was he her brother?

The way she died was beautiful..it was a pretty nice conclusion.:) Though I still have that feeling I didn't get all of what happened here.o.O Hmm. Oh well. Wonderful writing!:P

12/19/2005 c1 25Taintless
It wasn't unclear. somethings kind of went over my head, but it didn't matter. There was something very beautiful about this story. Perhaps it was your writing. Good work!

12/14/2005 c1 sieved fish
Riight... *cracks knuckles* brace yourself, this may take some time:

First n foremost, well... not really.. but first thing i can remember is: "An ancient spell to warn off evil spirits." I think 'ward off' works better than 'warn off." And also I think you need a comma when you say: "Before Aeven had been the dark ages, a time of darkness and confusion." You need a comma after "Before," otherwise it doesn't make much sense to me... but then again i tend to over-use commas and semi-colons, so you may want to ignore that. You may not. *shrugs*Adise from that, grammer n spelling is fine.

Well, I tell a lie, its WAY better than fine, its bloody awesome! I got goosebumps readin it! Especially towards the end! I LOVE the repititions in here. Wow. Not quite woomf... wow. Almost woah, but not quite...oO

To me... i dunno about you or anyone else, but to me this feels more... like... an end chappie, no, an epilogue - the end of some great fantasy story... yeh... with the story being the people's progression through all the ages you talked about, some quest, perhaps, or following a singular character or group of characters...

I think... i dunno, it's great, but i think it's a little too deep, a little too good to stand on its own as a one-shot... i dunno... because it's exactly that fact, that deepness, that makes it a great one-shot.

I think it's because you brush too lightly on the characters, the angels, her brother, the villages codes and rules and religions... it just ... scratching the surface almost... i feel like saying: "yeh, that it? tell me more!" kinda thing...?

I'm probably not making much sense, but thats what it feels like to me. Sorry if i'm sounding harsh!

Okay.. in answer to your own question, it is a tad confusing, proabably because you only touch on what is obviously a fascinating, interesting, deep, dark history. The way you say it makes it seem really important, which it is... but you just... don't go into quite enough depth for my liking... i dunno. That's why i feel it should be part of a story, rather than a one-shot.

I dunno... *shrugs*

I'm goin round in circles, i know, and i've probably contradicted myself a hundred times... i'm not sure...

All in all, it was a great read, the descriptions.. wow... don't even get me started. They're AWESOME. End of.

I really hope you continue with this, or to a prologue... or somethin... but i recommend finishing QT and LFTF first, otherwise all 3 will suffer your divided time, y'know?

Anywhoo, i'll stop taking up so much of your time, OV WA XP

~sieved fish (11.35)

12/11/2005 c1 6Scratching of my quill 1835
hey! great job. I really liked the description, you really made the sun rise feel divine, no easy feat. As for you last few ine-liner paragraphg, you didn't make them sound melodramatic, which is really really good.

ps. but is "he" her brother?