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for A Haiku Is

12/11/2005 c1 freedman121
Nice, original theme!

I would exchange the word breve for brief.
12/11/2005 c1 sylvia's syndrome
This review consists mostly of corrections and suggestions, so if you don’t want any constructive criticism, don’t read this review. Please keep in mind that everything I say is meant to be helpful, not hurtful. I only review works that I enjoyed reading, so I’m writing this because I believe your poems are worth the time. You’ve obviously got talent- I’m just trying to help you proofread and improve.

My first suggestion to you is to utilize your summary and title. You summary is a free chance to hook readers (and reviewers) – don’t waste it with something as bland as “the title says it all” even if that’s the truth. Even just putting something like “a haiku on haiku” sounds a bit more interesting. I think the same goes for a title. Sure, this is about a haiku so that’s exactly what you put… but as a writer, surely you can think of something a little more abstract or catchy. Leaving everything so blunt makes your writing feel generic and dull. Don’t discredit yourself!

Now down to the actual writing. In the first line, you need an apostrophe in the word “its”. In the second line, you have the word “breve”… and I’m not really sure what you meant, as that isn’t a word. Perhaps it’s just a typo and you were going for brief? That’s all I’ve got to suggest in the writing department. :-)

I realize I’ve kind of picked apart this piece, and I hope you realize I’ve only taken the time to write this because I enjoyed your writing and see a lot of potential in you. You’ve obviously got skill, and we can all use honing. Before I finish this up I want to say that your topic is really quite original. I’ve never read a haiku about haiku. It’s a clever idea and I feel like you’re letting it go unnoticed! Keep writing!
12/11/2005 c1 1k+Faithless Juliet
I like how you wrote a haiku, about a haiku, it seems weird but I don't think I've ever seen that done before.


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