for Snowflake6/5/2006 c1 
4Kelenariel Khelekkir
First of all, I have to thank you for reviewing my story. Constructive criticism is hard to find sometimes, and I'm very grateful that you gave it to me. I never even considered Payback being cliche until I read your review. Now I can edit him a bit when I redo my story. Thank you also for the bits about Kel-I know I have some bumps to smooth over with her. I do want to point out that more things will get uncovered that will (I hope) abolish the clicheness in some things. It's my way of demonstrating one of the themes: not to judge from first glance.
Now on to your work. I really like this piece because poem actually sounds like a snowflake when read. Each line is short and sweet, but it has its own message and fits together with the other lines. I also like the organization. Since snowflakes are symmetrical, having a symmetrical poem puts the idea of a snowflake more clearly into the reader's mind. The rhyming helps that too. There are two lines in the first stanza that are kind of ironic: flickering in lamplight/dying of the same.
Another thing I just noticed now: four lines per stanza and four stanzas. The whole symmetry thing keeps catching my eye. Nice work.
4Kelenariel KhelekkirFirst of all, I have to thank you for reviewing my story. Constructive criticism is hard to find sometimes, and I'm very grateful that you gave it to me. I never even considered Payback being cliche until I read your review. Now I can edit him a bit when I redo my story. Thank you also for the bits about Kel-I know I have some bumps to smooth over with her. I do want to point out that more things will get uncovered that will (I hope) abolish the clicheness in some things. It's my way of demonstrating one of the themes: not to judge from first glance.
Now on to your work. I really like this piece because poem actually sounds like a snowflake when read. Each line is short and sweet, but it has its own message and fits together with the other lines. I also like the organization. Since snowflakes are symmetrical, having a symmetrical poem puts the idea of a snowflake more clearly into the reader's mind. The rhyming helps that too. There are two lines in the first stanza that are kind of ironic: flickering in lamplight/dying of the same.
Another thing I just noticed now: four lines per stanza and four stanzas. The whole symmetry thing keeps catching my eye. Nice work.
4/12/2006 c1 24Limited Edition
Heh I love metaphors, hence why I chose to read this work of yours. You've made it rhyme, but it doesn't look silly, which many make it sound. It's picturesque though there aren't many words. Some of the sentences sound a bit strained, as if you spontaneously thought of the first bit but couldn't come up with the second. Also some of the parts don't quite fit in, they disturb the image, which I percieved to be rather serene, but that's just me. Ah well, good work!
24Limited EditionHeh I love metaphors, hence why I chose to read this work of yours. You've made it rhyme, but it doesn't look silly, which many make it sound. It's picturesque though there aren't many words. Some of the sentences sound a bit strained, as if you spontaneously thought of the first bit but couldn't come up with the second. Also some of the parts don't quite fit in, they disturb the image, which I percieved to be rather serene, but that's just me. Ah well, good work!
3/15/2006 c1 hoowdoideletethisaccount
Oh, this was adorable. I so love the snow. (Being Canadian, some people would say that's not surprising- you either have to love, or go nuts. haha) We've had such a warm winter here, that the snow only finally came a few weeks ago, and so was delighted when it snowed and snowed and snowed for days. Getting stuck in my driveway was worth it- hey, anything worth having is worth paying for, right? ;)
-Vanishing in ether / Tumbling in the air / Floating as a feather / Hanging over there- I think this stanza was my favourite. It's so airy, so weightless; I could just see a tiny flake floating, drifting, surfing on the air currents. And I adore the final line. "Hanging over there" I can't say why, exactly, I just love it.
Oh, this was adorable. I so love the snow. (Being Canadian, some people would say that's not surprising- you either have to love, or go nuts. haha) We've had such a warm winter here, that the snow only finally came a few weeks ago, and so was delighted when it snowed and snowed and snowed for days. Getting stuck in my driveway was worth it- hey, anything worth having is worth paying for, right? ;)
-Vanishing in ether / Tumbling in the air / Floating as a feather / Hanging over there- I think this stanza was my favourite. It's so airy, so weightless; I could just see a tiny flake floating, drifting, surfing on the air currents. And I adore the final line. "Hanging over there" I can't say why, exactly, I just love it.
3/7/2006 c1 21Lady Lucia
Nice! It had a comfortable flow, giving the subject a pure vibe...Ha! didn't make sense but I'm trying my best to describe the impact it had on me. ^-^
I really liked the whole "...ing" words that each line began with. They gave the poem a powerful voice and added to that nice flow.
Good job!
21Lady LuciaNice! It had a comfortable flow, giving the subject a pure vibe...Ha! didn't make sense but I'm trying my best to describe the impact it had on me. ^-^
I really liked the whole "...ing" words that each line began with. They gave the poem a powerful voice and added to that nice flow.
Good job!