for Genetic Tampering2/10/2014 c15 Guest
"I really wanted to give her [Alyson] more than a background role in this chapter because she's been catatonic for so much of the story." You did right. It did seem like she had too minor a role for most of the story.
"I really wanted to give her [Alyson] more than a background role in this chapter because she's been catatonic for so much of the story." You did right. It did seem like she had too minor a role for most of the story.
1/24/2012 c20 Guest
Pfft planning the details. Amature
Pfft planning the details. Amature
1/23/2012 c17 Guest
Wtf wheres the cliffhangrr
Wtf wheres the cliffhangrr
1/23/2012 c17 Guest
Wtf wheres the cliffhangrr
Wtf wheres the cliffhangrr
1/23/2012 c16 Guest
Florida has no basments. If you dig into florida sand
you only get a few inches and thhen the hole fills with water. Also a house on the ever glades would have to be very large in order to keep it afloat.
Florida has no basments. If you dig into florida sand
you only get a few inches and thhen the hole fills with water. Also a house on the ever glades would have to be very large in order to keep it afloat.
1/23/2012 c9 Guest
Only two complaints
The prop planes john is probably licenced to fly are radically different from any jet
Second an empty tank does not last an hour in a jeep. They get worse gas milage than my car and probably have smaller tanks so any hour is more tan a quarter tank
Only two complaints
The prop planes john is probably licenced to fly are radically different from any jet
Second an empty tank does not last an hour in a jeep. They get worse gas milage than my car and probably have smaller tanks so any hour is more tan a quarter tank
2/22/2010 c19 
1ImmortalDreams
Firstly I want to say that I LOVE YOUR STORY! You should definitely publish it if you already haven't.
I wondered for a long time how being super smart would help them. Emily just proved how useful it is. I admire all of these characters in their own way EXCEPT for Derrik and Burt. They're awful!
1ImmortalDreamsFirstly I want to say that I LOVE YOUR STORY! You should definitely publish it if you already haven't.
I wondered for a long time how being super smart would help them. Emily just proved how useful it is. I admire all of these characters in their own way EXCEPT for Derrik and Burt. They're awful!
12/21/2009 c25 spenny
i liked it. I know it's been 3 going on 4 years since you've finished, but i thought that it was still too brief and could've been fleshed out at parts, like how Ron&Alyson die. It was just too random/sudden and quickly done with I thought. If you've still thought about publishing, I think you'd really need more in here.
Also, I think Carl Samuels was a little too much. After all, omniscience and omnipotence are a lot... I do like how he started out, but I think you gave him too much. I mean, the guy pretty much nudges everyone and gives Jack M a conscience too? it was a good plot device to have as a reason for their actions, but again, a little too powerful. What's his moral compass? what's to stop him from working it the way Samuels wants it?
You also had 10 characters to work on, which is a lot so it would've been nicer to see more development. Like, when/how did Burt get so conniving? And why does he have such exemplary vocabulary at certain points? He hardly uses his power too. That was disappointing.
The whole pairing up of different GTs (genetic tamperees :P) was nice, but there's a lot more potential there I thought. I didn't feel like I knew them that well and it was a bit confusing for me sometimes.. and I read it all in one go. So maybe make their names more distinctive and/or give them more background? Not sure how you'd work that in ..
oh, random thought: Leslie&John M reconnecting so quickly at your "emotional" chapter? so lame. and as if. no offense dude. but it was such an obviously ploy and they're adults, I'm sure they would've seen that and had more barriers to opening up so easily, and then reconnecting so quickly... culminating in sex. lol I think they'd be a little more secretive. they ARE much older so I'd think they'd be a little more aware of having wild sex where the teenagers could hear it. although Jen being aware was a nice touch lol
and just for me, I would've liked to have one of them with a physical manifestation other than just a change in eye colour like Burt, but real, proportional swan wings or something. :P but that's because I'd want that. lol or something with sound manipulation.
anyhow, a little longer than I meant to, and on the whole, it was good, definitely better than the run of the mill crap you can get on here :)
i liked it. I know it's been 3 going on 4 years since you've finished, but i thought that it was still too brief and could've been fleshed out at parts, like how Ron&Alyson die. It was just too random/sudden and quickly done with I thought. If you've still thought about publishing, I think you'd really need more in here.
Also, I think Carl Samuels was a little too much. After all, omniscience and omnipotence are a lot... I do like how he started out, but I think you gave him too much. I mean, the guy pretty much nudges everyone and gives Jack M a conscience too? it was a good plot device to have as a reason for their actions, but again, a little too powerful. What's his moral compass? what's to stop him from working it the way Samuels wants it?
You also had 10 characters to work on, which is a lot so it would've been nicer to see more development. Like, when/how did Burt get so conniving? And why does he have such exemplary vocabulary at certain points? He hardly uses his power too. That was disappointing.
The whole pairing up of different GTs (genetic tamperees :P) was nice, but there's a lot more potential there I thought. I didn't feel like I knew them that well and it was a bit confusing for me sometimes.. and I read it all in one go. So maybe make their names more distinctive and/or give them more background? Not sure how you'd work that in ..
oh, random thought: Leslie&John M reconnecting so quickly at your "emotional" chapter? so lame. and as if. no offense dude. but it was such an obviously ploy and they're adults, I'm sure they would've seen that and had more barriers to opening up so easily, and then reconnecting so quickly... culminating in sex. lol I think they'd be a little more secretive. they ARE much older so I'd think they'd be a little more aware of having wild sex where the teenagers could hear it. although Jen being aware was a nice touch lol
and just for me, I would've liked to have one of them with a physical manifestation other than just a change in eye colour like Burt, but real, proportional swan wings or something. :P but that's because I'd want that. lol or something with sound manipulation.
anyhow, a little longer than I meant to, and on the whole, it was good, definitely better than the run of the mill crap you can get on here :)
6/16/2009 c25 Crytyk
Freaking amazing, dude. This could so easily be publishable. I love everything about this. A lot of the stories on this site center around one particular individual-one that stands out among his or her allies. Here, Greg wasn't really the main character, but more of a . . . storyteller. It was realistic-well, if you dismiss those superpowers.
I'll be reading your others stories, that's for sure.
Freaking amazing, dude. This could so easily be publishable. I love everything about this. A lot of the stories on this site center around one particular individual-one that stands out among his or her allies. Here, Greg wasn't really the main character, but more of a . . . storyteller. It was realistic-well, if you dismiss those superpowers.
I'll be reading your others stories, that's for sure.
1/7/2007 c1 Anonymousy
wow... this is scary... i've been doodling a story EXACTLY like yours, and here it is... on the internet...
well, there are a lot of differences between your fiction and the one i wrote,
1. Your's is well written
2. You've apparently gotten past chapter 1
Keep up the good work!
wow... this is scary... i've been doodling a story EXACTLY like yours, and here it is... on the internet...
well, there are a lot of differences between your fiction and the one i wrote,
1. Your's is well written
2. You've apparently gotten past chapter 1
Keep up the good work!
12/10/2006 c25 4Badger250
It's over? You did a fantastic job. I will definitely be watching for more of your work.
4Badger250It's over? You did a fantastic job. I will definitely be watching for more of your work.
12/10/2006 c22 Badger250
Hooray!
I was really hoping you'd bring Carl back. A great chapter, by the way. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the screen.
Hooray!
I was really hoping you'd bring Carl back. A great chapter, by the way. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the screen.
11/17/2006 c25 Danielle Thamasa
This is one of those stories that ends nice enough for the story to stand alone but also leaves the reader wondering if there will be a sequel...which there probably could be sometime down the line. After all, the characters are all very interesting and there are so many different routes you can take with them. It would also be nice to see how the country rebounds after the whole Triad situation. Excellent work. I will definitely be looking out for more of your works.
Danielle Thamasa
This is one of those stories that ends nice enough for the story to stand alone but also leaves the reader wondering if there will be a sequel...which there probably could be sometime down the line. After all, the characters are all very interesting and there are so many different routes you can take with them. It would also be nice to see how the country rebounds after the whole Triad situation. Excellent work. I will definitely be looking out for more of your works.
Danielle Thamasa
11/17/2006 c24 Danielle Thamasa
Well, I've reviewed almost every chapter (I think I may have missed one) so I'll keep with that tradition and review this one as well. It will be interesting to see how you wrap this up because this story feels like it could go for several more chapters because there are so many different variables. I'm going to move on to the Epilogue now though. I love this story.
Danielle Thamasa
Well, I've reviewed almost every chapter (I think I may have missed one) so I'll keep with that tradition and review this one as well. It will be interesting to see how you wrap this up because this story feels like it could go for several more chapters because there are so many different variables. I'm going to move on to the Epilogue now though. I love this story.
Danielle Thamasa
11/16/2006 c25 LuNa7ic
Well I have to say I'm not such a fan of the last too chapters. You left a lot of questions unanswered. What did David Hernandez do to help them? How was the chaos in New York linked to the Triad? How did they get to Europe? What became of potential issues due to their powers? What happened to Jack Mellany? Why didn't Q know that the triad was falling apart? What were the consequences of so many dead police officers?
Congratulations on finally getting your story finished though. A decent conclusion must be the hardest part of writing a story. Good luck on your next Fci!
Well I have to say I'm not such a fan of the last too chapters. You left a lot of questions unanswered. What did David Hernandez do to help them? How was the chaos in New York linked to the Triad? How did they get to Europe? What became of potential issues due to their powers? What happened to Jack Mellany? Why didn't Q know that the triad was falling apart? What were the consequences of so many dead police officers?
Congratulations on finally getting your story finished though. A decent conclusion must be the hardest part of writing a story. Good luck on your next Fci!