for Vodka and Roses3/11/2006 c2 
1fallinghard
i think the story is really good so far, has captured my interest, lol. All the characters are really interesting, like how Douglas was dating the most popular girl, yet hes really pretty normal on the social ladder. And how Dave doesn't even know if hes gay or not, lol. Most of the girls so far seem really bitchy, i think you should add at least one or two nice ones, or else you know, everyone is going to start hating girls, lol.
1fallinghardi think the story is really good so far, has captured my interest, lol. All the characters are really interesting, like how Douglas was dating the most popular girl, yet hes really pretty normal on the social ladder. And how Dave doesn't even know if hes gay or not, lol. Most of the girls so far seem really bitchy, i think you should add at least one or two nice ones, or else you know, everyone is going to start hating girls, lol.
2/23/2006 c2 1i-rite-gud
This story is very interesting and I can't wait until you update again!
Why did you stop writing The Seventh Sin? That was a really good story and I'm curious as to why you would want to stop writing it.
1i-rite-gudThis story is very interesting and I can't wait until you update again!
Why did you stop writing The Seventh Sin? That was a really good story and I'm curious as to why you would want to stop writing it.
2/23/2006 c1 i-rite-gud
Unless Denise, Douglas, Alex, and Jill all failed 2 grades they shouldn't be in high school. Without failing any grades the maximum age you can be when you graduate would be 18.Just thought that I'd point that out to you. The usual age for 12th graders is around 17.
Awesome chapter! I can't wait to read the next chapter and find out if their dad is okay!
Unless Denise, Douglas, Alex, and Jill all failed 2 grades they shouldn't be in high school. Without failing any grades the maximum age you can be when you graduate would be 18.Just thought that I'd point that out to you. The usual age for 12th graders is around 17.
Awesome chapter! I can't wait to read the next chapter and find out if their dad is okay!
2/21/2006 c2 7sketchingaCYNiC
i liked how this story started. :D and dougie is a cool bean. ^_^ yes, i'm lame. anyway, i like how you develop denise and slowly develop alex, but it's a bit confusing at intervals. like that "dave's dream girl" and who's dave and terrance and jane? zuh? my attention span/memory is very limited. ^^;;
i also have a question. why is douglas nineteen and in high school? i thought people usually graduate at 18. are they seniors? is this the summer? @_@ so confused.
7sketchingaCYNiCi liked how this story started. :D and dougie is a cool bean. ^_^ yes, i'm lame. anyway, i like how you develop denise and slowly develop alex, but it's a bit confusing at intervals. like that "dave's dream girl" and who's dave and terrance and jane? zuh? my attention span/memory is very limited. ^^;;
i also have a question. why is douglas nineteen and in high school? i thought people usually graduate at 18. are they seniors? is this the summer? @_@ so confused.
1/28/2006 c2 13jennycraig10
I reallie like this story it's funny and unique in its own way. Can't wait to see what happens later on. Update soon.
13jennycraig10I reallie like this story it's funny and unique in its own way. Can't wait to see what happens later on. Update soon.
1/24/2006 c2 theeighthhouse
ai yai yai.yet..she seems like noelle from all against odds & everybody hates logan..but not as cool & collected.
ai yai yai.yet..she seems like noelle from all against odds & everybody hates logan..but not as cool & collected.
1/24/2006 c2 7Anne Christy
Umm one thing to say, though you've gotten down the guys point of view pretty well, just one thing,
its a major guy rule- i've learned from my guy friends- you don't wacth porn with other guys. its sick
Besides that, it was pretty sweet. Its got me thinkng, and intregued. which is always good. congrats...
7Anne ChristyUmm one thing to say, though you've gotten down the guys point of view pretty well, just one thing,
its a major guy rule- i've learned from my guy friends- you don't wacth porn with other guys. its sick
Besides that, it was pretty sweet. Its got me thinkng, and intregued. which is always good. congrats...
1/24/2006 c2 8aurora borealis
Very interesting story. I like the fact that Douglas *is* a typical 19-year old male - he isn't at the top of the social ladder or a rebel, like so many other main characters in romance stories. I like his sister. Alex seems rather bitchy (to put it mildly) - at least towards selective people...Can't wait to read more. This story is promising. :)
8aurora borealisVery interesting story. I like the fact that Douglas *is* a typical 19-year old male - he isn't at the top of the social ladder or a rebel, like so many other main characters in romance stories. I like his sister. Alex seems rather bitchy (to put it mildly) - at least towards selective people...Can't wait to read more. This story is promising. :)
1/23/2006 c1 xxTibbyxx NOT SIGNED IN
Hello! I just bumped into your story by looking at someone's favorites list. I think it might have been Secretive's... and I absolutely loved it! It was awesome and I loved how at the end you had the FAQ. Good thinking. Lol.
If u could, could u review one of my stories? Doensn't matter which one though.
K, bye!
Hello! I just bumped into your story by looking at someone's favorites list. I think it might have been Secretive's... and I absolutely loved it! It was awesome and I loved how at the end you had the FAQ. Good thinking. Lol.
If u could, could u review one of my stories? Doensn't matter which one though.
K, bye!
1/22/2006 c2 crossed Ts
i like Douglas's character. writing from his point of view add interest to your plot. great stuff so far, and good luck on your exams. :)
i like Douglas's character. writing from his point of view add interest to your plot. great stuff so far, and good luck on your exams. :)
1/21/2006 c2 Miz Em
Lmao Denise is hilarious. I like how all your female characters are witty, great come backs and such. I'm trying to figure out why Douglas has friends, he's a jerk, No offence intended. Guys got some issue I guess is all. Anywho, lookin forward to more, I like this chap. ^^
Lmao Denise is hilarious. I like how all your female characters are witty, great come backs and such. I'm trying to figure out why Douglas has friends, he's a jerk, No offence intended. Guys got some issue I guess is all. Anywho, lookin forward to more, I like this chap. ^^
1/20/2006 c2 radha
i love this story! it's so creative - i love the way you're keeping us in the dark about jill's reasons for the break-up. please continue soon! douglas is so funny... hehe i'm still laughing at the way he described the dream girl - 'mail order human ice popsicles'!
i love this story! it's so creative - i love the way you're keeping us in the dark about jill's reasons for the break-up. please continue soon! douglas is so funny... hehe i'm still laughing at the way he described the dream girl - 'mail order human ice popsicles'!
1/20/2006 c2 twistedFAerieTALes
:)
:)
1/20/2006 c1 5Maroon
You have a really good plot line for this story. Your a good writer in the sense that your story can flow well and your dialogue iss very realistic.
However just a few minor criticisms... I didn't really get the impression that Douglas was that bothered about Jill, he just seems a litle upset and thats that. The detail (although i know its meant to be lacking as I'm sure all will be revealed later) about the break up was not particulary realistic. The story is disjointed and jumps around to different places. Yes i know this is the first chapter but your characters have not been established particulary well. I suppose from your summary I thought Alex would be more of an Ice queen but is instead rather bland there is also not much differentiation between her and Jill. The first chapter should be to establish at least the first character and make him strong. Although the chapter is long, it brushes too much on the surface and needs to be meatier...i.e more description, not complete development of character because that will come with the story, but something to make your main character stand out. To be honest it does not really come across that he cares about Jill all that much.
The character that has the most impact and is a fully fledged 3-d person is Denise.
Sorry if my comments seem harsh, but its just that this story could be so much better. This chapter could easily be cut into two and both parts fluffed out to give a better story. Anyway I shall continue to read...and hope you don't get too offended and take my comments on board!
Keep writing Love Maroon
5MaroonYou have a really good plot line for this story. Your a good writer in the sense that your story can flow well and your dialogue iss very realistic.
However just a few minor criticisms... I didn't really get the impression that Douglas was that bothered about Jill, he just seems a litle upset and thats that. The detail (although i know its meant to be lacking as I'm sure all will be revealed later) about the break up was not particulary realistic. The story is disjointed and jumps around to different places. Yes i know this is the first chapter but your characters have not been established particulary well. I suppose from your summary I thought Alex would be more of an Ice queen but is instead rather bland there is also not much differentiation between her and Jill. The first chapter should be to establish at least the first character and make him strong. Although the chapter is long, it brushes too much on the surface and needs to be meatier...i.e more description, not complete development of character because that will come with the story, but something to make your main character stand out. To be honest it does not really come across that he cares about Jill all that much.
The character that has the most impact and is a fully fledged 3-d person is Denise.
Sorry if my comments seem harsh, but its just that this story could be so much better. This chapter could easily be cut into two and both parts fluffed out to give a better story. Anyway I shall continue to read...and hope you don't get too offended and take my comments on board!
Keep writing Love Maroon