for Deoman: Revised, Edited and Tweaked2/26/2006 c3 
26PNEK MEKS
I still love Perry. He is the best flippin werewolf character in the world. Hell he's the best character in the world! I can't wait to read more and keep writing!
26PNEK MEKSI still love Perry. He is the best flippin werewolf character in the world. Hell he's the best character in the world! I can't wait to read more and keep writing!
1/11/2006 c2 PNEK MEKS
WO! Your right...this is deffeniatly better the second time around. Keep going!
PNEK MEKS
WO! Your right...this is deffeniatly better the second time around. Keep going!
PNEK MEKS
12/23/2005 c1 PNEK MEKS
Hm...yes...deffinetly much better then the original, but, thank goodness it didn't loose it's original spark.
Keep writing
PNEK MEKS
Hm...yes...deffinetly much better then the original, but, thank goodness it didn't loose it's original spark.
Keep writing
PNEK MEKS
12/22/2005 c1 Only-A-Daydream
Well, this has certainly caught my attention. It's well-written with a clear mastership of the language (a rare event on this site, but sh, don't tell anyone) with a nice emphasis on detail and witty humor. I can't see anything blatantly wrong with it. Great job! I like it alot and will continue to read.
~Arelle
Well, this has certainly caught my attention. It's well-written with a clear mastership of the language (a rare event on this site, but sh, don't tell anyone) with a nice emphasis on detail and witty humor. I can't see anything blatantly wrong with it. Great job! I like it alot and will continue to read.
~Arelle
12/19/2005 c1 2AuthorMan
After reading through a sizable portion of your first version (it always seems awkward to me to review a story that has been completed for over a year,) and finding that it was already above many of the others on this site, I decided to read this chapter you've now written. The improvement is clear. And now for the actual review: I'm going to do this as if I didn't already know what was going to happen. The first thing I would note would be the use of a mysterious character with an unidentifiable past shoruded in a large cloak, capable of wielding magic and already presenting a much more appealing personality than any other character presented thus far. Then I would remind myself of the eyebrow comment, and realize that this is most likely not a self-insertion. I would then (I am now) commend you. This is no small feat, apparently, for those who write in the fantasy genre. After that, I would settle into a thoughtful debate on your choice of narrative and how it reminds me (in a good way,) of the same reasons that I enjoy Douglas Adams. Following that, I would ask myself where I thought this was going, because it has obviously left itself open for any number of directions. And now back to reality. Your grammar has improved significantly, and any mistakes that anyone short of an english major would've caught were most obviously typos. The only real critique I could offer would be concerning one aspect of your narrative style. I realize that much of the humor can be found here, and I wouldn't ask you to change it. However, keep in mind the length of every sentence and how much of it is really needed to be funny. Other than that, I liked this a lot. You lifted out a lot of the trite expressions from before and used to oppurtunity to introduce some more foreshadowing. I'm referring to the term 'mooners,'specifically. There's not much left to say really, other than 'keep up the good work' and that I look forward to your next update. Peace out.
-Authorman
-P.S.I certaintly hope this falls into the category of constructive criticism, because if you didn't like the review I'm liable to sulk in my closet for several days and refuse my vegetables.
2AuthorManAfter reading through a sizable portion of your first version (it always seems awkward to me to review a story that has been completed for over a year,) and finding that it was already above many of the others on this site, I decided to read this chapter you've now written. The improvement is clear. And now for the actual review: I'm going to do this as if I didn't already know what was going to happen. The first thing I would note would be the use of a mysterious character with an unidentifiable past shoruded in a large cloak, capable of wielding magic and already presenting a much more appealing personality than any other character presented thus far. Then I would remind myself of the eyebrow comment, and realize that this is most likely not a self-insertion. I would then (I am now) commend you. This is no small feat, apparently, for those who write in the fantasy genre. After that, I would settle into a thoughtful debate on your choice of narrative and how it reminds me (in a good way,) of the same reasons that I enjoy Douglas Adams. Following that, I would ask myself where I thought this was going, because it has obviously left itself open for any number of directions. And now back to reality. Your grammar has improved significantly, and any mistakes that anyone short of an english major would've caught were most obviously typos. The only real critique I could offer would be concerning one aspect of your narrative style. I realize that much of the humor can be found here, and I wouldn't ask you to change it. However, keep in mind the length of every sentence and how much of it is really needed to be funny. Other than that, I liked this a lot. You lifted out a lot of the trite expressions from before and used to oppurtunity to introduce some more foreshadowing. I'm referring to the term 'mooners,'specifically. There's not much left to say really, other than 'keep up the good work' and that I look forward to your next update. Peace out.
-Authorman
-P.S.I certaintly hope this falls into the category of constructive criticism, because if you didn't like the review I'm liable to sulk in my closet for several days and refuse my vegetables.
12/19/2005 c1 theangelofnothingness
I love it. "Life is unfair. Try to change this, and life will cheat" there is a lot more I could quote but why? anyway.This story is brilliant. I skim read the first chapter of the old version and this is much better. I can't wait for the next. cool.
I love it. "Life is unfair. Try to change this, and life will cheat" there is a lot more I could quote but why? anyway.This story is brilliant. I skim read the first chapter of the old version and this is much better. I can't wait for the next. cool.