Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for The Mainframe of Zen: A Web of Connections

1/2/2007 c14 PinkTwix
OMG! Like, that's the end of teh story! O wait...u said there'll be another 1? That's cool. I uber like this story! And now there's a virus they're looking 4! OMG! I think Alikz sounds cute...and he's only 16. Sweet! I like, can't wait for the next book to come out! Later girl! ttyl!
7/19/2006 c10 20Sythiro
I decide to read all the chapters before I reviewed! Well, well, well! This is brilliant keep it up! Sythiro
5/4/2006 c8 19TW HEART
Wow this story is brilliant so far! Keep it up! I am totally captivated!
5/4/2006 c6 TW HEART
Keep it like this setup and it will be a great story
5/4/2006 c5 TW HEART
Brill
5/4/2006 c4 TW HEART
Nice use of language and set up!
5/4/2006 c3 TW HEART
Fantastic!
5/4/2006 c2 TW HEART
This is fantastic! I don't like many books only J.K Rowling and Tamora Pierce, but this has captivated me! Keep it up! :-)
4/20/2006 c7 dreamshell
Hmm...while the journal entry does create tension...hmm, I think it could be a tad better written. The whole 'some people might think I'm crazy' thing, well, it's kinda old, you know what I mean?

I like the little hissy-fit Dawn throws when Wood asks why she can't just stay on the ship. Very sassy. "I have a *name*, mister."

Like the dialogue about Jet's homeworld. The "something like that" line seems to allude to a lot more than we're aware of. Jet's past is teh angst, yeah?

I find it endlessly amusing that people still use actual maps in the bagillionith century or whenever this is taking place in. :)

Rack 12 seems very Neo New York-y.

"Dawn gave an electronic sigh..." Ha. I love that.

I find it ironic that Mr. Sells His Body (Wood) has a difficult time comprehending "the big city". And that he seems to be claustrophobic. Who *would* want to rub up against an fat alien with five pink eyes?

"Okay, now *this* position I like". Of course. Funny, you'd think his promiscuity would get old, but the truth is; it doesn't. It really doesn't. :)

"Someone on this elevator will die." Ha. That was Jet, yes? She's got quite the 'tude.

"Just try to relax. It'll be over soon enough." "Do you know how wrong that sounds?" "Yeah." Man, these characters were made for each other. Really great and witty dialogue. Keeps the interest high.

...Jeez. At this point I might as well quote the whole freakin' chapter. Good stuff!

Heh heh. Alien waddling. That should be some kind of galactic-Olympic sport. Or something.

"Father says you have no understanding of women, Oro believes he is correct in saying so." I imagine that just totally deadpan and serious. And that's hilarious.

Ooh, holographic skies? Someone is good at not forgetting she's writing sci-fi. :)

Hmm. I find it strange/comical that Jet - who I am supposing has been to Rack 12 before - doesn't know where to go. And how she seems very intent on asking some random bystander directions after thinking something's not right.

Ooh, they can do anything to the prisoners? Kinda reminscent of the public shacklings of jolly ol' England.

Not sure the green of his eyes needs to be referenced twice. In my opinion, take out the first green, the jade discs thing sounds cooler.

"Oh, very ferocious." Ha.

I like the ambiguity of the end. All in all, though, I wouldn't say this chapter's *especially* more intense or pivotal than the rest. It's certainly entertaining to read, though, but as far as I see it, there's no big dramatic turn yet or anything. Still, great to read.

On another note, for future reference, blah blah, I think that if whatever happen in the next chapter, it should be referred to only vaguely in the journal entry, if there is one. Because, obviously, if it tells too much, it gives away the chapter the reader is just about to read.

Okay. That's all for now. ;)
4/5/2006 c7 TW HEART
Brill keep it up! Will enjoy reading it when you finish.
4/5/2006 c7 1Talionis
Ah! Holy shit I did not see that coming! Yeah, keep the ending the way it is. Even if the chapter was sorta short, but that's cool. Wood and Jet? That would be an interesting couple.
3/17/2006 c6 dreamshell
Haha - the "bridge". Makes me think the Celsius is kind of like a flying one-room apartment. :P

Gamish...Millnix..Tarsh...Nilx...Dia. All very cool words.

Darth Vader: "Where are those stolen data tapes?" Heh, sorry couldn't help myself. Jacking the history of the galaxy, eh? Our Jet's got spunk, for sure.

"Humans aren't cannibals, Dawn...plus, that'll only happen if I'm caught." Haha.

"I am sexy and macho." Running gag, anyone? ;)

Forget Trading Spaces. Want more room in your home? Terraform, biatch!

"A sexy and crazy love interest?" "A bad guy plotting universal conquest!" Hmm, that fourth wall of yours seems to be on the verge of breaking. ;) Haha, but have fun. Things like that make a story more...well, yeah, fun.

"You missed the temple again?" "I'll get that kick perfected, you just watch!" That made me laugh a good full minute.

"Embezzle sounds much cooler." Yep. She's right.

Htrae. I like.

"The planet seem(ed) to just hang in space and it slowly rotated on it axis, like a dead body floating through water." Nice description. :)

A city-ring? Sounds neat!

Another fun, enjoyable chapter. Minor typos sporadically, but I only really consciously caught one. I am eager for the next chapter.
3/16/2006 c1 19TW HEART
Wow this is good! I'll review the rest
3/16/2006 c2 2RazielRedel
Hey great story. I like it. But since you did ask how you are doing I thought I actually answer. Isn’t that weird? Anyway, you are doing fine but on the first chapter I did find a few sentences that need a little editing.

Most worlds are just run-of-the-mill plants (should this be planets?)

Jet quite sure the old geezer can find better ways to spend his time. (how about Jet was quite sure the old geezer could find better ways to spend his time.)

She moved across the room to her desk and pulled out her ADV Amber Pistol and slung it on the right side of her hip, next getting (she got) out her Moonblade and stowing (stowed) the knife in her left boot.

This had better be good or Sky was in for it (I could be wrong but if this is a thought shouldn’t it say Sky is in for it?)

The busiest and most bustling part of Cameel, December Square stretched from one end of the mammoth city to the other. It was lined with executive office buildings, strip malls, auto shops, gas stations, restaurants, corner stores, parks . . . you name it, it was found on December Square. Currently, Jet was standing at the Cameel Docking Bay Station (okay… but what does Jet standing at the docking bay have to do with December Square? Is it close? Is it far away? Or is it a part of December Square?)

…stop by Anaske Oliverkai’s house there and say hello to the greatest Zenologist… (this may be answered somewhere in the story or maybe I just haven’t gotten out of my cave often enough, but what in the hell is a Zenologist?)

His body language reminding you of a fallen angle (angel maybe?)

Jet said and the computerized head peeked into view and shot a dirty glare and Sky. (shot a dirty glare at sky?)

I know that seems like a lot but it really isn't. My only real problem with this is because of all those little errors it seems like you might have either rushed this or simply not revised it after writing it. Anyway it sounds like a great story and I'm looking forward to getting a chance to read the rest of it.

P.S. Please don't be offended by any of my comments. They come off sounding much more harsh on the computer. And also feel free to at anytime e-mail me and tell me to shut the hell up and leave you alone. I won't fell bad about it ;)
3/16/2006 c6 9forsaken-atlantis
NO! NOO! NO! Where is chapter 7? I believe it should be here but it's not! Come on! Oh man, you have got to post the next chapter soon! What part is Eion going to play? Is Jet actually going to get caught? Will Wood be infertile by the time it's all over and done with? Oh man, you have no idea how good this story is. I can't wait for more. Please post soon!
30 Page 1 2 Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service