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10/4/2006 c1 73ten pts above average
wow...I dont even know WHAT to say...yeah it was THAT amazing! :) I loved the repetition 'dont make me worry'...little things like "and for godsakes, button up!" and "you'll end up losing that great metabolism and end up looking like me"...all I can say is bravo...I loved the imagery and its beautifully written...for sure going on my favorites! :)
12/20/2005 c1 24she's not breathing
kind of like a litany of what a mother would say. that's what it read like to me. & i actually don't get the point of you writing this at all. it didn't really end, either. it's a neat concept, but i'm not sure you really tied it in together enough to let it stand as a poem. sorry if i offended. =)


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