for Parentheses of toxic sugar sweetness8/4/2006 c1 
29Katterree Fengari
hm...I like all the parentheses in the poem. Sugar and sweetness are some of those overused adjective, but sometimes it's worth it to try and rewrite the sayings...I like the line "(Like I would so willing drown in your illusory eyes)". The part about bottles- assuming glass- don't splinter, they shatter, though splintering works better for "like heartbreak does". And I really liked the "But the shards are welcome/ (Almost as much as you are)/ Because they pierce my soul/ (Almost as much as you do)"You might want to look over the last lines again, because I don't think that metaphor makes sense. -Seeing as how sugar and water do mix, and if you're drownining in their eyes, that kind of makes me think that they are the water in the relationship and you the sugar, except you've been calling him/her honey and sugar the entire time. I mean, the lines sound good on their own, but they clash too much together.
29Katterree Fengarihm...I like all the parentheses in the poem. Sugar and sweetness are some of those overused adjective, but sometimes it's worth it to try and rewrite the sayings...I like the line "(Like I would so willing drown in your illusory eyes)". The part about bottles- assuming glass- don't splinter, they shatter, though splintering works better for "like heartbreak does". And I really liked the "But the shards are welcome/ (Almost as much as you are)/ Because they pierce my soul/ (Almost as much as you do)"You might want to look over the last lines again, because I don't think that metaphor makes sense. -Seeing as how sugar and water do mix, and if you're drownining in their eyes, that kind of makes me think that they are the water in the relationship and you the sugar, except you've been calling him/her honey and sugar the entire time. I mean, the lines sound good on their own, but they clash too much together.
6/19/2006 c1 4skylines
Wow. Thats what comes out. I actually said it out-loud too. This is a sticky-sweet, sad, and pretty poem, I don't want to ruin its beauty with my reviews.
4skylinesWow. Thats what comes out. I actually said it out-loud too. This is a sticky-sweet, sad, and pretty poem, I don't want to ruin its beauty with my reviews.
4/9/2006 c1 3x-breakme
shootshootshootim in lovevery much in lovecan i put this on my lj if i give you credit?
-Rosa
3x-breakmeshootshootshootim in lovevery much in lovecan i put this on my lj if i give you credit?
-Rosa
3/1/2006 c1 9Rachel Peterson
I love the first bit.."The happy songs don’t make senseAny moreAnd the sad songs hurt (I can’t playany more)"
Beautiful. : )
9Rachel PetersonI love the first bit.."The happy songs don’t make senseAny moreAnd the sad songs hurt (I can’t playany more)"
Beautiful. : )
2/27/2006 c1 1Spork Sisters
Wow. I really like this poem. The words, the style...it's beautiful. I can't think of anything to say other than that. It's just beautiful.
~*Spoon*~
1Spork SistersWow. I really like this poem. The words, the style...it's beautiful. I can't think of anything to say other than that. It's just beautiful.
~*Spoon*~
2/19/2006 c1 197the Stranger in the moonlight
This is shamful if it is true. *tuts* Interesting and deep. This was really good. And so well written you are getting really dark though. Email soon.
Sincerely,
the Stranger in the moonlight.
197the Stranger in the moonlightThis is shamful if it is true. *tuts* Interesting and deep. This was really good. And so well written you are getting really dark though. Email soon.
Sincerely,
the Stranger in the moonlight.
2/14/2006 c1 132mizu no kokoro
sugar and sweetness... it gives me the chills nowXD~ i liked the meaning in this piece~ quite interesting
keep writing!
132mizu no kokorosugar and sweetness... it gives me the chills nowXD~ i liked the meaning in this piece~ quite interesting
keep writing!
2/9/2006 c1 2callmebelle
wowzers! (yes, i realize that's a funny/dorky word...) this poem is incindiary (is that spelled correctly?) AMAZING job!
2callmebellewowzers! (yes, i realize that's a funny/dorky word...) this poem is incindiary (is that spelled correctly?) AMAZING job!
1/2/2006 c1 20Autumn Dance
Aw baby doll- I've been meaning to review this for ages, and forgot. Baby dol! This is so nice and "sticky" I think it's the sweetness of it. It's deliciously wrapped in descrition and verse and playful aromatics. Ugh thinking of chocolate lol!I know the feeling this is going through and I know who it's about. It's really...hard to explain. I like the bracket comments they add a bit more to the poem. It's really good though I love it."A Shelf of unfinished bottles...(You were SO drunk, sugar.) It's the repetition of Sugar that makes me adore this because it's almost as if you're trying to justify his actions.I don't know what else to say really other than the last line works perfectly...Love and huggles, Autumn x
20Autumn DanceAw baby doll- I've been meaning to review this for ages, and forgot. Baby dol! This is so nice and "sticky" I think it's the sweetness of it. It's deliciously wrapped in descrition and verse and playful aromatics. Ugh thinking of chocolate lol!I know the feeling this is going through and I know who it's about. It's really...hard to explain. I like the bracket comments they add a bit more to the poem. It's really good though I love it."A Shelf of unfinished bottles...(You were SO drunk, sugar.) It's the repetition of Sugar that makes me adore this because it's almost as if you're trying to justify his actions.I don't know what else to say really other than the last line works perfectly...Love and huggles, Autumn x
1/1/2006 c1 70elvenstorm
No that last line was beautiful! It's so strong. Love all the phrases in brackets, works wonderfully.
70elvenstormNo that last line was beautiful! It's so strong. Love all the phrases in brackets, works wonderfully.
12/30/2005 c1 58White Tea and Ginger
I love this. A lot. This is EXACTLY how I felt yesterday.
Don't change any of it. Poems are so much better when they're left raw.
Keep writing.
58White Tea and GingerI love this. A lot. This is EXACTLY how I felt yesterday.
Don't change any of it. Poems are so much better when they're left raw.
Keep writing.
12/26/2005 c1 31bjw
Whoa! The emotions! Such excellent writing..I don't know how to CC this.
"They smash to the ground and splinterAround us (Like heartbreak doesLike I’m longing to do)"
Where did you get the inspiration? There are so many similar poems like this on fp, but wow, you managed to come up with one startlingly original. Very good writing!
31bjwWhoa! The emotions! Such excellent writing..I don't know how to CC this.
"They smash to the ground and splinterAround us (Like heartbreak doesLike I’m longing to do)"
Where did you get the inspiration? There are so many similar poems like this on fp, but wow, you managed to come up with one startlingly original. Very good writing!