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3/22/2006 c1 173sunshineofyourlife
oh my goodness. i don't know if you've read my story entitled 'american mormon,' but this is exactly whats going on. i can definately relate.

-sunshine
2/7/2006 c1 Please Deactivate
oh my...you poor boy. i'm sorry that there are foolish girls like that out there in the ocean that is high school, but in truth, it never ends, when someone refuses to believe that anything is going wrong, or even right, they just can't be taken out of their reverie...im sorry

~Single Black Rose
1/6/2006 c1 a lonely september
loved the last two lines, wrapped it up great. nice job. : )
12/28/2005 c1 33sleepeaze
Woah, I can so relate.

I love the way you rhymed.I love the words.I love the title.I love its depth.

Good job.
12/26/2005 c1 24Tr APeze-sWiNGer
alright, i'm going to be completely honest. i like it; i do. however, it seems to me that the first four lines are more trite than you meant them to be. the last two: "ignoring what's real/ordered what to feel" are really well done. i think that overall, you took a potentially angsty, messy, overdone subject and changed it into artwork. the last two lines redeem the triteness of the beginning.
12/26/2005 c1 8Bridget Mae
It saddens me. But it's very real and that's what you're aiming at I suppose. Good.
12/26/2005 c1 hey maria
A bittersweet poem - this person obviously loves the girl very much to push aside his own feelings for her, just so she can be happy. However, a very small small critique - the rhyming seems a bit off. It doesn't flow very well; work on that. Otherwise, I really enjoyed this; you conveyed your feelings well.

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