for If I Were Invisible10/12/2014 c1 
16Aretice N. Treader
That was really well-written. I'm very interested while also a little confused, which pretty much guarantees that I will read on. This prologue was a very good way to capture your readers.
16Aretice N. TreaderThat was really well-written. I'm very interested while also a little confused, which pretty much guarantees that I will read on. This prologue was a very good way to capture your readers.
7/21/2007 c8 bansira
Ah! I love the humour in this!
And the way it's not too focused on romance, but more on rivalry and the different girls.
I like it, quite a lot! Hope you continue
Ah! I love the humour in this!
And the way it's not too focused on romance, but more on rivalry and the different girls.
I like it, quite a lot! Hope you continue
11/28/2006 c2 Crossing the Rubicon
I just reviewed this chapter, but the review didn't go through. =Sigh= Oh well. I just wanted to say that this chapter made me laugh. You have a good sense of humor. :)
I just reviewed this chapter, but the review didn't go through. =Sigh= Oh well. I just wanted to say that this chapter made me laugh. You have a good sense of humor. :)
11/28/2006 c1 4the small print
I must say, the summary made me laugh at the pointedness and irony of the protagonist wanting a cliché to happen.
Nice prologue, and great use of rhetorical questions regarding whether the Cinderella fairytale can be applicable to her predicament.
Just a few minor things:
Unfortunately they forgot me very soon after that. = Unfortunately, they forgot me very soon after that.
If you have no chance not even in a million or even two, would you still try? = If you have no chance, not even in a million or even two, would you still try?
Answer me one more question = Answer me one more question:
Once again, great start!
4the small printI must say, the summary made me laugh at the pointedness and irony of the protagonist wanting a cliché to happen.
Nice prologue, and great use of rhetorical questions regarding whether the Cinderella fairytale can be applicable to her predicament.
Just a few minor things:
Unfortunately they forgot me very soon after that. = Unfortunately, they forgot me very soon after that.
If you have no chance not even in a million or even two, would you still try? = If you have no chance, not even in a million or even two, would you still try?
Answer me one more question = Answer me one more question:
Once again, great start!
11/25/2006 c1 Crossing the Rubicon
I actually like the idea of a Cinderella remake, but then again, I have a thing for Cinderella stories. Most of this flowed well. I just have a couple suggestions.
"The one person who did remember my name has decided that I was not worth her time. She was my one friend, who talked to me while I sipped my juice nodding and agreeing at everything. I was thrilled at the thought of an actual friend. So thrilled that I overlooked the fact that she was using me when there was no other for her." This paragraph does connect to the one before it, but it doesn't connect so well to the one after it. It might be better in the next chapter instead of the intro.
Also, the narrator says, "Answer me one more question," and then it asks a few more. It might be better to move that line right before "Would you still risk it as Cinderella?" (which is a great question to end a prologue, by the way).
P.S. Am I being helpful or hurtful? I always feel weird about making suggestions because there seems to be a fine line between constructive criticism and flames. I hope it doesn't sound like a flame because I review only things that I like, so my reviews are never intended as flames.
I actually like the idea of a Cinderella remake, but then again, I have a thing for Cinderella stories. Most of this flowed well. I just have a couple suggestions.
"The one person who did remember my name has decided that I was not worth her time. She was my one friend, who talked to me while I sipped my juice nodding and agreeing at everything. I was thrilled at the thought of an actual friend. So thrilled that I overlooked the fact that she was using me when there was no other for her." This paragraph does connect to the one before it, but it doesn't connect so well to the one after it. It might be better in the next chapter instead of the intro.
Also, the narrator says, "Answer me one more question," and then it asks a few more. It might be better to move that line right before "Would you still risk it as Cinderella?" (which is a great question to end a prologue, by the way).
P.S. Am I being helpful or hurtful? I always feel weird about making suggestions because there seems to be a fine line between constructive criticism and flames. I hope it doesn't sound like a flame because I review only things that I like, so my reviews are never intended as flames.
11/25/2006 c8 1Dots Mgeez
this is a kinda funny story. I can't wait to read what happens next in the story. This story reminds me of the movie you said in one of the chapters "A cinderella story" which i love. I hope Ian is a better prince charming.
1Dots Mgeezthis is a kinda funny story. I can't wait to read what happens next in the story. This story reminds me of the movie you said in one of the chapters "A cinderella story" which i love. I hope Ian is a better prince charming.
11/25/2006 c8 17angels and effects
Haha, this is a really hilarious story. The main character just makes me laugh so much, and not many stories can do that. I have a rather high standard when it comes to humor and I guess the only thing I have to criticize is that this is just a little unrealistic. The dialogues are a little far-fetched but I still like them all the same. The way you describe the scenes she imagines in her mind is very funny :) I think my favourite phrase will have to be 'I wonder what they will call themselves. FMG? FGM? MGF? MFG? GFM? GMF? It could stand for Flirty, Meddlesome Girls or something.' I don't know why I like it but it just gets to me.
So nice job for making me laugh so much, I definitely will like more chapters! The Cinderella kind of storyline is kind of cliched though, I agree. Anyhow, Simone is a very interesting character too so I hope to see more of her... :)
Louisa
reviewers_found
17angels and effectsHaha, this is a really hilarious story. The main character just makes me laugh so much, and not many stories can do that. I have a rather high standard when it comes to humor and I guess the only thing I have to criticize is that this is just a little unrealistic. The dialogues are a little far-fetched but I still like them all the same. The way you describe the scenes she imagines in her mind is very funny :) I think my favourite phrase will have to be 'I wonder what they will call themselves. FMG? FGM? MGF? MFG? GFM? GMF? It could stand for Flirty, Meddlesome Girls or something.' I don't know why I like it but it just gets to me.
So nice job for making me laugh so much, I definitely will like more chapters! The Cinderella kind of storyline is kind of cliched though, I agree. Anyhow, Simone is a very interesting character too so I hope to see more of her... :)
Louisa
reviewers_found
11/19/2006 c8 M.D.Irvine
i dont think Simone would connect the dots . Ian has been looking for her rite? Im curious to knoe more bout Ian
i dont think Simone would connect the dots . Ian has been looking for her rite? Im curious to knoe more bout Ian
11/19/2006 c6 M.D.Irvine
i thot i was cute when she asked whether she could still play cinderella and no one recognised her lol.
i thot i was cute when she asked whether she could still play cinderella and no one recognised her lol.
11/19/2006 c5 M.D.Irvine
interesting conversation with Miss Abbott, wonder if Maddie does have any other relatives? cant wait to c what happens at the costume party.
interesting conversation with Miss Abbott, wonder if Maddie does have any other relatives? cant wait to c what happens at the costume party.
11/19/2006 c4 M.D.Irvine
y do they all think that Madison standing beside them would make them look prettier? she has a maids costume? sighs wonder if shell find out who Adam George Matt Kyle or Steve(wow thats a lot of names at a go) are?
y do they all think that Madison standing beside them would make them look prettier? she has a maids costume? sighs wonder if shell find out who Adam George Matt Kyle or Steve(wow thats a lot of names at a go) are?
11/19/2006 c2 M.D.Irvine
yay! so more on Madison! good chapter i feel that her thoughts are everywhere, dunno if thats what u wanted.
so what accident? i didnt get the bit bout her mother's cranium either
yay! so more on Madison! good chapter i feel that her thoughts are everywhere, dunno if thats what u wanted.
so what accident? i didnt get the bit bout her mother's cranium either
11/19/2006 c1 M.D.Irvine
suspenseful intro. makes me want to know more bout ur main character esp her name lol
suspenseful intro. makes me want to know more bout ur main character esp her name lol
10/19/2006 c8 7heart shaped lies
hehe, Simone and Fiona paired up to kill Maddie...it amuses me! ^_^ cant wait for more, update!
7heart shaped lieshehe, Simone and Fiona paired up to kill Maddie...it amuses me! ^_^ cant wait for more, update!