for Zora Ink: Vampress of the Night12/21/2009 c22 Hidden Flowers
Excellent work. I read this a long time ago(almost four years), under a vastly different penname, but I only reviewed one of the first chapters. I'm very impressed.
Excellent work. I read this a long time ago(almost four years), under a vastly different penname, but I only reviewed one of the first chapters. I'm very impressed.
8/18/2008 c6 
7Bam-There You Go
i guess i got ahead of myself...really for most of the chapters, i think they're awsome. there may be a few gramatical, spelling errors along the way, but im sure you can eventually weed those out. i do like the journal stuff as i have said in my previous review. breadon entry, im not entierly sure if i like it as a journal or whatever or if it should be something else, although i wouldnt know what to make it if you changed it - maybe you could just like, change the point of view, just consult your plot bunny and editor, im sure thay can help!
anyhow, i suppose this will be my last review, i think all of the chapter are great and the plot is unique and intriguing!
Anna Mae :D
7Bam-There You Goi guess i got ahead of myself...really for most of the chapters, i think they're awsome. there may be a few gramatical, spelling errors along the way, but im sure you can eventually weed those out. i do like the journal stuff as i have said in my previous review. breadon entry, im not entierly sure if i like it as a journal or whatever or if it should be something else, although i wouldnt know what to make it if you changed it - maybe you could just like, change the point of view, just consult your plot bunny and editor, im sure thay can help!
anyhow, i suppose this will be my last review, i think all of the chapter are great and the plot is unique and intriguing!
Anna Mae :D
8/18/2008 c4 Bam-There You Go
i liked the aspect of the journal entries mixed with what is actuall happening. overal i think this is a good story, not much problem with spelling and grammar that i can see, although i dont think i would be the best to tell you whats right and whats not. i did, however, see in the third to last paragraph, in the sentance 'He snuck up behind me, which wouldn’t have happened had I been paying attention, and put a knife to me neck.' that me should be my.
oh i almost forgot! while i read this chapter i was thinking about the previous chapter and i think that ch 1 and the prologue should be combined; they both give the history and info you need for the story, plus you kind start with the same thing that the prologe was about so you could almost just copy and paste ch 1 rite into the prologue.
Anna Mae :D - smiles, that was a long review!
i liked the aspect of the journal entries mixed with what is actuall happening. overal i think this is a good story, not much problem with spelling and grammar that i can see, although i dont think i would be the best to tell you whats right and whats not. i did, however, see in the third to last paragraph, in the sentance 'He snuck up behind me, which wouldn’t have happened had I been paying attention, and put a knife to me neck.' that me should be my.
oh i almost forgot! while i read this chapter i was thinking about the previous chapter and i think that ch 1 and the prologue should be combined; they both give the history and info you need for the story, plus you kind start with the same thing that the prologe was about so you could almost just copy and paste ch 1 rite into the prologue.
Anna Mae :D - smiles, that was a long review!
8/18/2008 c3 Bam-There You Go
im eating some ice cream right now so im happy! this chp was good.
Anna Mae :D
im eating some ice cream right now so im happy! this chp was good.
Anna Mae :D
8/18/2008 c2 Bam-There You Go
ont really have much to asay about this one; i liked it.
oh yeah, in the sentanve 'The violet eyes and pale shin are traits she got from her father.' skin is spelled wrong.
ont really have much to asay about this one; i liked it.
oh yeah, in the sentanve 'The violet eyes and pale shin are traits she got from her father.' skin is spelled wrong.
8/18/2008 c1 Bam-There You Go
i like how the vampire-human has a 'i hate the world, it hates me' kinda attitude and doesnt care about the people in it.
i dont really like how the sentances are short and choppy, i think its brocken up too much. depending on your writing style you may be fine with it or you may not; i think you should add like some semi-colons, colons, compound sentances, dashes, and non-essential phrases to just mix it up a little.
Anna Mae :D
i like how the vampire-human has a 'i hate the world, it hates me' kinda attitude and doesnt care about the people in it.
i dont really like how the sentances are short and choppy, i think its brocken up too much. depending on your writing style you may be fine with it or you may not; i think you should add like some semi-colons, colons, compound sentances, dashes, and non-essential phrases to just mix it up a little.
Anna Mae :D
12/27/2007 c12 2Sir Scott
Since I really don't care about this account anymore, I'll lay it for you why this story is just ok. You introduce Zora as a badass, which through out the fucking story, she has not showed one ounce of being the character that you made her out to be. Zora might as well be a fairy tale princess with no special powers. First, she should have killed her kidnapper in a brutal way to begin with and so two gay characters shouldn't even been there. Take this chapter, here was a chance to make the character tough. She should have opened up on the guard and fought him. Bit off his nose, kicked him in the dick, I mean damn any kind of a fight would have been something, instead a group of four to one is overpowered by the mere sight of the guard. It would have been much cooler if Zora had beheaded the guard and threw his head on the queen's lap.
This review was in the same hateful spirit that you give me.
~SirScott
2Sir ScottSince I really don't care about this account anymore, I'll lay it for you why this story is just ok. You introduce Zora as a badass, which through out the fucking story, she has not showed one ounce of being the character that you made her out to be. Zora might as well be a fairy tale princess with no special powers. First, she should have killed her kidnapper in a brutal way to begin with and so two gay characters shouldn't even been there. Take this chapter, here was a chance to make the character tough. She should have opened up on the guard and fought him. Bit off his nose, kicked him in the dick, I mean damn any kind of a fight would have been something, instead a group of four to one is overpowered by the mere sight of the guard. It would have been much cooler if Zora had beheaded the guard and threw his head on the queen's lap.
This review was in the same hateful spirit that you give me.
~SirScott
11/30/2007 c10 Sir Scott
If Jode is a mere mortal, one would think that Zora would have just overpowered him.
Braeden is kinda girly. Well, at least, Jode got a happy ending. I like the gay couple better than I like Zora and Braeden.
~SirScott
If Jode is a mere mortal, one would think that Zora would have just overpowered him.
Braeden is kinda girly. Well, at least, Jode got a happy ending. I like the gay couple better than I like Zora and Braeden.
~SirScott
11/29/2007 c9 Sir Scott
I knew it was Jode. So far Zora has been kind of weak, I have to agree with Jode. Here's a thought since she sprung out of your imagination that makes you her goddess. So far I don't think she has found favor in her goddess's sight. This is still a very entertaining story.
~SirScott
I knew it was Jode. So far Zora has been kind of weak, I have to agree with Jode. Here's a thought since she sprung out of your imagination that makes you her goddess. So far I don't think she has found favor in her goddess's sight. This is still a very entertaining story.
~SirScott
11/29/2007 c8 Sir Scott
I think that her kidnapper is ex-boyfriend. On to the next chapter and see if I'm right.
~SirScott
I think that her kidnapper is ex-boyfriend. On to the next chapter and see if I'm right.
~SirScott
11/23/2007 c6 Sir Scott
God help me, Zora, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I turned and walked away her. From my Sev.
Shouldn't Emery have said Goddess help me? Or does he have a different religion then Zora?
That was a pretty interesting backstory. I figured that Emery would have turned out to be Braeden's father.
But, actually there isn't really much of a connection with Braeden and Emery. It is kind of weird when think about for a man to follow his ex-girlfriend's husband's mistress's son around. Braeden really isn't the last piece of Sev.
~SirScott
God help me, Zora, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I turned and walked away her. From my Sev.
Shouldn't Emery have said Goddess help me? Or does he have a different religion then Zora?
That was a pretty interesting backstory. I figured that Emery would have turned out to be Braeden's father.
But, actually there isn't really much of a connection with Braeden and Emery. It is kind of weird when think about for a man to follow his ex-girlfriend's husband's mistress's son around. Braeden really isn't the last piece of Sev.
~SirScott