for Treasure4/19/2006 c1 
1rrmehta364
"I came, I saw, I backed away," : those lines kind of remind me of vini, vidi, vici accept for them.
I especially liked the last stanza.
Well, excellent job. Peace out.
1rrmehta364"I came, I saw, I backed away," : those lines kind of remind me of vini, vidi, vici accept for them.
I especially liked the last stanza.
Well, excellent job. Peace out.
2/17/2006 c1 3Ballerina with a Gun
I'm BACK!
And I must say, this is by far one of the most beautiful things I have ever read in my entire life. Each word and rhyme jives together charmingly, prettily; it has such a beautiful rhythm.
I'm tempted to steal it and pass it off as mine. (Haha, just kidding)
Keep up the awesome poetry/writing!
3Ballerina with a GunI'm BACK!
And I must say, this is by far one of the most beautiful things I have ever read in my entire life. Each word and rhyme jives together charmingly, prettily; it has such a beautiful rhythm.
I'm tempted to steal it and pass it off as mine. (Haha, just kidding)
Keep up the awesome poetry/writing!
2/8/2006 c1 8bulletproof.cupid
beautiful work. i could almost see my characters in my head whilst reading this. so many scenes popped up... twirling torches, cuffs on a pirate's shirt. nice :) i liked the 'I came, I saw, I backed away.' very vini, vidi, vici or however that roder goes. good work and i'm off to read your fantasy work. l8er...
8bulletproof.cupidbeautiful work. i could almost see my characters in my head whilst reading this. so many scenes popped up... twirling torches, cuffs on a pirate's shirt. nice :) i liked the 'I came, I saw, I backed away.' very vini, vidi, vici or however that roder goes. good work and i'm off to read your fantasy work. l8er...
2/1/2006 c1 5Heatless Flame
I liked this poem. You managed to describe stuff WITHOUT too many adj. or adv. as that plagues many writers ( including myself). One thing is it's kinda confusing, and seems a little random. Anyway, its pretty good. I would make this longer, but 2 things:1. Gotta go write my own story, the Everlasting Battle2. Can't think of anything else to criticize.
I'm not the best editor, so finding anything wrong is hard, and this is pretty good stuff.
5Heatless FlameI liked this poem. You managed to describe stuff WITHOUT too many adj. or adv. as that plagues many writers ( including myself). One thing is it's kinda confusing, and seems a little random. Anyway, its pretty good. I would make this longer, but 2 things:1. Gotta go write my own story, the Everlasting Battle2. Can't think of anything else to criticize.
I'm not the best editor, so finding anything wrong is hard, and this is pretty good stuff.
1/16/2006 c1 6Carleon
Now I know I'm about six and a half months late returning a favour, but better late than never. :-)
Regarding the rhyme and meter, its almost perfect. You've achieved that nice effect of building up to a climax with the first line and finishing it with the second. Good job!
A small suggestion: I think "Play havoc with the mind" is grammatically better than "on." Also, you could think about "played havoc with my mind" as it makes the line more personal... but on the other hand, it somewhat distorts the meter, so I'll leave you to decide.
Stanza 2, I feel that "turning round" would give a greater effect.
Apart from that, there's nothing I can find to improve. I don't feel I have given adequate recompense, not least for the abysmal delay involved, so I will shortly review your story as well.
Cheers
6CarleonNow I know I'm about six and a half months late returning a favour, but better late than never. :-)
Regarding the rhyme and meter, its almost perfect. You've achieved that nice effect of building up to a climax with the first line and finishing it with the second. Good job!
A small suggestion: I think "Play havoc with the mind" is grammatically better than "on." Also, you could think about "played havoc with my mind" as it makes the line more personal... but on the other hand, it somewhat distorts the meter, so I'll leave you to decide.
Stanza 2, I feel that "turning round" would give a greater effect.
Apart from that, there's nothing I can find to improve. I don't feel I have given adequate recompense, not least for the abysmal delay involved, so I will shortly review your story as well.
Cheers
1/11/2006 c1 16RuathaWehrling
Ok, so first off: 1, 10, 3, 9, 5, 8, 7, 7, 9, 6, -11- , -5- , -13-. Yeah, so now you know I'm a geek, too.
Secondly, to your poem...Oh! Very nice! I don't have any technical criticism to make about it at all - and I'm especially pleased by the excellent sense of rhythm in this poem, which many supposedly-metered poems on this site lack. Also, good choice of words to suggest mystery and dreaminess while still remaining clear. I liked the first and last stanzas best, as far as word choice goes.
As for interpretation, as you say, it's pretty open, which is nice, since everybody has different dreams, longings, and regrets, and this poem could refer to any of them.
Beautifully done! Keep up the good work! -Ruatha
16RuathaWehrlingOk, so first off: 1, 10, 3, 9, 5, 8, 7, 7, 9, 6, -11- , -5- , -13-. Yeah, so now you know I'm a geek, too.
Secondly, to your poem...Oh! Very nice! I don't have any technical criticism to make about it at all - and I'm especially pleased by the excellent sense of rhythm in this poem, which many supposedly-metered poems on this site lack. Also, good choice of words to suggest mystery and dreaminess while still remaining clear. I liked the first and last stanzas best, as far as word choice goes.
As for interpretation, as you say, it's pretty open, which is nice, since everybody has different dreams, longings, and regrets, and this poem could refer to any of them.
Beautifully done! Keep up the good work! -Ruatha
1/2/2006 c1 2temblance
I've never read any of your poetry before, but this is pretty cool stuff. NIce job with the rhyming and rhythm. none of the rhyme sounds forced, but I did have a little problem with the line
"shrieking round the porcelain hands"
it doesn't exactly fit the rhythm unless you pronounce porcelain as PORCE-lain, but I normally say it POR-ce-lain. otherwise, some of the best rhythm and rhyme I've seen
as for content:
it was a great idea! I loved the line,
"I came, I saw, I backed away." and the fact that you repeated it twice really made an impression. this poem has a cool feel to it- the "drinking foolish waters" part almost reminded me of alcohol, and the second stanza about waltzing gave me the image of a party, but the last line seems like it dismisses the entire vision as a bad dream. that's my idea-I'm pretty bad at interpereting poems.
oh yeah- good use of alliteration with the "silky satin" cuffs, the "twirling torches" and the line "made melody."
so, overall good job, and happy new years!
2temblanceI've never read any of your poetry before, but this is pretty cool stuff. NIce job with the rhyming and rhythm. none of the rhyme sounds forced, but I did have a little problem with the line
"shrieking round the porcelain hands"
it doesn't exactly fit the rhythm unless you pronounce porcelain as PORCE-lain, but I normally say it POR-ce-lain. otherwise, some of the best rhythm and rhyme I've seen
as for content:
it was a great idea! I loved the line,
"I came, I saw, I backed away." and the fact that you repeated it twice really made an impression. this poem has a cool feel to it- the "drinking foolish waters" part almost reminded me of alcohol, and the second stanza about waltzing gave me the image of a party, but the last line seems like it dismisses the entire vision as a bad dream. that's my idea-I'm pretty bad at interpereting poems.
oh yeah- good use of alliteration with the "silky satin" cuffs, the "twirling torches" and the line "made melody."
so, overall good job, and happy new years!