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for Dark Untitled

1/13/2006 c1 6Green Beret
That was excellent. I agree, very dark - I got a real sense of the person hating his or herself, particularly strong with the phrases "strike my fading canvas like an eraser" and "a river of life on the banks of my forearms; washing sin and shame through fleshy deltas". great imagery.

if anything lets it down its the ending, which is somewhat anti-climatic because the rest is really powerful stuff. perhaps go for more of a cliff-hanger style.

anyway, good stuff - excellently written.
1/12/2006 c1 5TheLadyoftheElves
Very well done! I liked it! It has a very nice description. Good emotion! Keep it up!
1/12/2006 c1 87Chaos Apple
I don't see how you can possibly describe this poem as "sick"! It's a beautiful piece of work, and I was astounded by this after just having read one of your other poems. Not only is this one formatted different, but you get a different /feel/ for the author. Usually you can pin them pretty quickly by their work, and this blew me away.

The amount of description was /perfect/ for this poem, not going overboard, but not leaving it just a drab piece of unoriginal, b.o.r.i.n.g. poetry.

Well, Keep up the good work. You're going on my favorites list! Loves, Tears
12/30/2005 c1 115HauntedMisery
Wow, this is so amazing, I love it, great work!
12/30/2005 c1 35Strangerwithnoface
Very well done, I loved the words you used and the way everything was described O_O You just seem to have a way with words, the way you put it together just seems perfect. The idea was great and so was your grammar.

"Faded scars, like braille, spell out my misery and suffering." Was a really great line, rather imaginitive.

Well O_O thanks for sharing I really did enjoy it. I look forward to reading more of your work =P you really do have something going for you. Take care~

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