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for Queen of Dark Hearts

2/15/2006 c2 Idril Anacalme
Very good. Not too long, not too short. I like how you described everything in such a vivid detail. And I like the style that you've written it in. I can't wait to read more.
1/11/2006 c1 7gingerbeer
I was blown away by this girl's (personal?) religion revolving around Fate. Great idea!

One crit from my personal taste, however, is to divulge a character's entire background from the beginning. It's good so you don't lose track of it throughout the plot, but to introduce the story with a thick bit of background is a lot like Tolkien's Fellowship of the Ring. People who liked it enjoyed the history. Those who didn'tgot turned off by the intro. So it's completely personal taste.

I do like how you've left one question open: The reason Violente's father named her with a curse.

Loved "for a laugh attracts attention." In fact, I love seeing the wisdom in this girl's head as the story moves along. Keep it up, great narrative!

Oh I love the way she talks to him for the first time, so innocent and yet poetic.

I've never read narrative like this before, but sometimes a sentence might diverge too far from grammar: "But instead of a smack, he threw his head back..." I can understand what you're saying, but the grammar kinda threw me off in the middle of such an immersive scene.

I love how you hint at a princess-Violante connection in mentioning a similarity in their eyes.

You'll want to take a look at "made me heed special."

I absolutely adore your character; she's extremely realistic!
1/6/2006 c1 The Moon Child
o.O That was very beautifully written. How you manage to come up with such original ideas, I'll never know. The description was perfect, the dialogue well done, no spelling or grammar mistakes to speak of...Bravo!

Hopefully not a one-shot right? ^-^ If not, please update soon!
1/6/2006 c1 2Cirex
Allo, allo! You have a real talent for epic sounding stories. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but your work reminds me of Tolkien's and C.S. Lewis's. :D

I couldn't find anything in here that I didn't like, it had a great, smooth pace to it. Violante is really neat, almost seems quirky to me. :) I wonder why Rain didn't react when he heard her name? I hope he's as nice as he seemed.
1/6/2006 c1 9Alteng
Actually, it would have proved interesting if the princess was the short stout matron. That happens sometimes, you know, and royals are human as well.

Oh well, I like the feel of this story. Violiante is quite a likeable character and you have captured a child's nature well. I like the bit about her being on the streets. I have a couple of characters who started off as street urchins.

Ah, she must be favored by Fate, because she has done well for herself. I also like the bit with the old tree, and the imagery there worked very nicely. And indeed, she does appear as a fairy child.

Hope you keep writing this tale. It is your best work so far.
1/4/2006 c1 4Chicanery A. Beguile
Wow! I really, really, really, love this story! You should definatly continue this one.
1/2/2006 c1 Oukan
this interests me. keep writing.
1/2/2006 c1 27MC Romance
Your style of speech is so lovely and olden-fashioned, I want to hear more of it! You've created an addicting first chapter, and I would very much like to read more of Violante and Rain and Cecily. "Tis better than a hairpin..." you're amazing! I wish my fantasy story "Hatching" was as good... I have your story in my favorites folder, and you are on Author Alert, so you'd best get another chapter up directly!-MC.
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