for Beating the Game9/30/2011 c18 periperi
Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. OH MY GOODNESS.
Did you know just what happened? I read this amazing story from the beginning to the end and I'm running late for the finals of our basketball game. I am crying with the sexual tension in this story, it's not even funny. You've got a genuinely good, GOOD, good writing structure and this THIS this masterpiece...
Let me just take a moment to cry over the fact that this might not even be updated, or continued, or FINISHED ever at all.
But thank you. Thank goodness for this, oh my goodness. I just absolutely loved it to bits. This is all sorts of amazing and I just, am awed. Brave. Stupendous. You are amazing.
(There's this little hope in me you'd somehow find to write this story again.)
Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. OH MY GOODNESS.
Did you know just what happened? I read this amazing story from the beginning to the end and I'm running late for the finals of our basketball game. I am crying with the sexual tension in this story, it's not even funny. You've got a genuinely good, GOOD, good writing structure and this THIS this masterpiece...
Let me just take a moment to cry over the fact that this might not even be updated, or continued, or FINISHED ever at all.
But thank you. Thank goodness for this, oh my goodness. I just absolutely loved it to bits. This is all sorts of amazing and I just, am awed. Brave. Stupendous. You are amazing.
(There's this little hope in me you'd somehow find to write this story again.)
9/5/2011 c11 
1Isin Moon
I'm not sure if you check reviews anymore or are even working on this story, but it's fantastic. It definitely takes a bit getting used to, what with the bitingly-sarcastic-ness of it and all, but it's really well done. As you mentioned before, it is kind of surprising that a guy wrote this; at the same time, I'm not surprised at all. Well done.
1Isin MoonI'm not sure if you check reviews anymore or are even working on this story, but it's fantastic. It definitely takes a bit getting used to, what with the bitingly-sarcastic-ness of it and all, but it's really well done. As you mentioned before, it is kind of surprising that a guy wrote this; at the same time, I'm not surprised at all. Well done.
8/4/2011 c18 d25gem
Thank you so much for sharing this. This was an amazing story. I enjoyed reading this. Each and every character is unique and interesting, but I have to say Hikari is my favorite. Again, thanks for sharing.
Thank you so much for sharing this. This was an amazing story. I enjoyed reading this. Each and every character is unique and interesting, but I have to say Hikari is my favorite. Again, thanks for sharing.
8/3/2011 c10 1kawaiixo
I swear my mom's gonna kill me if i dont stop reading :$ aside from that...I am absolutely and completely mesmerized by this story! I'm very excited to read the rest...after I'm done being grounded -.-"
1kawaiixoI swear my mom's gonna kill me if i dont stop reading :$ aside from that...I am absolutely and completely mesmerized by this story! I'm very excited to read the rest...after I'm done being grounded -.-"
7/22/2011 c1 bow ties
I absolutely love Patrick's character! I hope you finish this story, keep up the good work! :)
I absolutely love Patrick's character! I hope you finish this story, keep up the good work! :)
7/21/2011 c18 LSP
It's always interesting to read from a male character's point of view. You have a distinctive style of writing and i admire you for that. I was hoping to read more of your stories but then you only have one updated here. Oh, and i hope that was not the end to this story coz seeing the last time you've updated was quite some time ago it it kinda leaves me bothered not knowing what's gonna happen next. BTW love you characters and the fluidity of this story :-)
It's always interesting to read from a male character's point of view. You have a distinctive style of writing and i admire you for that. I was hoping to read more of your stories but then you only have one updated here. Oh, and i hope that was not the end to this story coz seeing the last time you've updated was quite some time ago it it kinda leaves me bothered not knowing what's gonna happen next. BTW love you characters and the fluidity of this story :-)
7/20/2011 c18 Eva Lilac
I love this story. The plot is great, the characters are rounded and the chemistry is unbelievably good. Update? =] I would very much like to know how things turn out.
I love this story. The plot is great, the characters are rounded and the chemistry is unbelievably good. Update? =] I would very much like to know how things turn out.
7/20/2011 c10 fuzziefoozie
Since you watch animes, have you ever watch Deathnote? Pat reminds me of Light because of them seem bored out of their mind because of how smart they're are. After reading this chapter, i was scared Pat might've turned evil xD Thank god he didn't...yet. Your story is amazing because it actually makes me think, instead of just mindless reading. Thanks for writing this!
Since you watch animes, have you ever watch Deathnote? Pat reminds me of Light because of them seem bored out of their mind because of how smart they're are. After reading this chapter, i was scared Pat might've turned evil xD Thank god he didn't...yet. Your story is amazing because it actually makes me think, instead of just mindless reading. Thanks for writing this!
7/16/2011 c18 2Daddy's Little Peach
Bravo! Congratulations on writing a decent high school romance story! I've become really disillusioned with the quality of writing on Fictionpress lately, and while you're not posting anymore, this one is a cracker!
You actually have a firm grasp of the English language; I've lost count of the amount of stories I've stopped reading after one chapter because of the appalling grammar and overall shittiness of the writing. So, despite the fact I'll never know how Patrick and Mari's story ends, thank you for giving me something decent to read anyway!
Mish xx
2Daddy's Little PeachBravo! Congratulations on writing a decent high school romance story! I've become really disillusioned with the quality of writing on Fictionpress lately, and while you're not posting anymore, this one is a cracker!
You actually have a firm grasp of the English language; I've lost count of the amount of stories I've stopped reading after one chapter because of the appalling grammar and overall shittiness of the writing. So, despite the fact I'll never know how Patrick and Mari's story ends, thank you for giving me something decent to read anyway!
Mish xx
7/11/2011 c4 3wildyoungthings
As always, Patrick's sarcastic wit and humor is incredibly refreshing and hilarious. I love the voice of this character.
"I reminded myself to try to wean Tom off his aquatic metaphors sometime soon. The man is obsessed with fish."
What a... distinct characteristic. Now I cannot stop thinking of Tom as "fish man".
"For once, she was completely nonplussed. Her perfectly-glossed lips dropped open in surprise, and her supply of clever retorts ran dry, leaving her with a rather surprised "What?" as her only retort."
I don't understand why these kinds of incredibly hot, ruler-of-the-school, future playboy types of girls are always so dense as to be shocked that they aren't admired by one friggin' person.
There are no grammatical errors that I caught, the voice stayed true and constant to the story, the characters are very well-rounded and dynamic, and I want Patrick.
3wildyoungthingsAs always, Patrick's sarcastic wit and humor is incredibly refreshing and hilarious. I love the voice of this character.
"I reminded myself to try to wean Tom off his aquatic metaphors sometime soon. The man is obsessed with fish."
What a... distinct characteristic. Now I cannot stop thinking of Tom as "fish man".
"For once, she was completely nonplussed. Her perfectly-glossed lips dropped open in surprise, and her supply of clever retorts ran dry, leaving her with a rather surprised "What?" as her only retort."
I don't understand why these kinds of incredibly hot, ruler-of-the-school, future playboy types of girls are always so dense as to be shocked that they aren't admired by one friggin' person.
There are no grammatical errors that I caught, the voice stayed true and constant to the story, the characters are very well-rounded and dynamic, and I want Patrick.
7/9/2011 c3 wildyoungthings
The sense of humor, and the unpredictability of this story reallly draws me in. Patrick is hilarious.
The sense of humor, and the unpredictability of this story reallly draws me in. Patrick is hilarious.
7/5/2011 c18 2Wonders of Randomness
Aaaargh. It's impossible to blame you for switching to LJ, and impossible to quell the frustration. I am suffering. I love your characters, and I love that they're intelligent. The games they play are so much FUN. I love the thought you've put into making smart characters make decisions that are totally out of line with their stated philosophies, but perfectly logical to their thought processes. I also love how the exceptional intelligence of your characters doesn't even come close to employment as deus ex machina.
You mentioned that you think your side characters are flat, though. Maybe it's just my overactive imagination, but they seem plenty fleshed out to me...? Granted, there isn't much given detail, but that's because none of them have had really starring roles as yet. Marielle, Patrick, and Hikari are plenty complex, and the POV IS Patrick's - which, looking at his character, would probably mean a pretty narrow focus on most others' character quirks. He just pigeonholes, then dismisses 99.8% of the human population off the cuff, as a side process that stays mostly irrelevant to his primary train of thought. Seems to me like you've set him up as the voice well enough that you should follow his rules.
2Wonders of RandomnessAaaargh. It's impossible to blame you for switching to LJ, and impossible to quell the frustration. I am suffering. I love your characters, and I love that they're intelligent. The games they play are so much FUN. I love the thought you've put into making smart characters make decisions that are totally out of line with their stated philosophies, but perfectly logical to their thought processes. I also love how the exceptional intelligence of your characters doesn't even come close to employment as deus ex machina.
You mentioned that you think your side characters are flat, though. Maybe it's just my overactive imagination, but they seem plenty fleshed out to me...? Granted, there isn't much given detail, but that's because none of them have had really starring roles as yet. Marielle, Patrick, and Hikari are plenty complex, and the POV IS Patrick's - which, looking at his character, would probably mean a pretty narrow focus on most others' character quirks. He just pigeonholes, then dismisses 99.8% of the human population off the cuff, as a side process that stays mostly irrelevant to his primary train of thought. Seems to me like you've set him up as the voice well enough that you should follow his rules.