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for What she should have said but didn't know

3/31/2008 c1 31emptyword
How creepy and clever and brilliant. I was shivering with horror while reading. I read it twice: The first time without the parentheses and the second time with. My impression was of a mother trying to justify to herself or to God (or both) her actions in keeping her daughter and her daughter's lover apart. As for what action she specifically took in doing so, I wasn't sure. My thoughts ranged from attempted murder to abortion. The words outside the parentheses I assumed she was speaking aloud and the words within the parentheses I imagined her thinking to herself (and trying to repress). ;) You can imagine how horrifying that is, i.e. to read "Because I (pretend to) love her" and think that the parentheses hold the truth of the matter. I didn't think the stuff in parentheses was coming from the daughter.

"-And (he is) no-one (to me, or) else (I would have known that he) would help, she says." - This line in particular must have taken you some time to work out! It's my favorite bit because either statement colors the situation so perfectly. "And no one else would help, she says" and "And he is no one to me, or else I would have known that he would help, she says" are well-illustrated here as the opposite sides of a coin, or rather, different facets of the same gem, colored by different perspectives. That you've managed to raise this important point through such unprecedented methods (that I've seen on this site) is laudable.

I very much like how vague this is. There's something of a story in the fabric of this, but what it is exactly is left for readers to figure out, and the further specifics aren't even touched upon. So many interpretations could result! What a clever twist of writing. Favorites.
2/25/2007 c1 4Lady Katreina
That's actually really cool. I waded through it, with the parentheses and noticed that it could be read w/o them. So I read it a second time through and then I read your bold print explanation, it -is- pretty cool.
1/25/2007 c1 11belle.nisce
Holy crap.

You certainly have a way with words. Wow, wow; brilliant, and more. Fabulously done, and kudos to you and your 'random ideas'.
10/18/2006 c1 4Zomzara
very good, original and exciting to see new ways of writing. I liked the style more than the story, as the story wasn't amazingly orginal or anything, but the style of the peice more than makes up for that.
8/10/2006 c1 5Twist130
It was really good, I thought... but I sort of interpreted like the person who is saying everything is like an onlooker who intervened, and is telling sort of half truths, but she's thinking the whole truths in the parentheses.
7/29/2006 c1 10funsize
wow thats really deep/cool i like it... but is there more... stil, it took me a bit of time to understand it, still, ur like one of my fav, FAV authors
7/27/2006 c1 12elisefey
This is intensely creative. Absolutely amazing. Obviously poetic prose, treading a careful line. I love it. There is something indefinable about it that reminds me of the collection of short works: "Wearing Dad's Head" by Barry Yourgrau (though his work is *considerably* more surreal). This is the kind of experimental writing exercise that my professors were always trying to inspire us to write.

I read it once through and found it intriguing with a fabulous texture but slightly confusing (but when is that not the case with experimental writing?). Then I read the author's note and read the whole thing again w/o the parenthesis. Then *again* with the paranthesis. Better every time. Great job.
6/22/2006 c1 special
wow. that was really interesting. very creative idea for a...i dunno exactly what this is..but it's creative nonetheless.

thanks for the explanation!..hehe..i was kinda in the dark..this..whatever this is..got me really confused..but i read it after the explanation..and it was really cool..lol

(Because parentheses never lie, and you can leave all the half-truths outside in the rain) very very very cool line that made me understand things a little better without the explanation.

very awesome little...whatever this is..keep it up!

6/4/2006 c1 24Elewyn
I LOVE THIS! I love the concept, the story, everything. I'm adding this to my fav stories :)
4/18/2006 c1 1rrmehta364
Whoa, weird. To be quite honest, I wouldn't have made the connections.

Still, the last line is kool.
3/28/2006 c1 5ashley m.c
I love the parenthesis idea! I got it, in a sense. Thanks for explaining it at the end though. Your writing is very good. Please keep writing!
2/2/2006 c1 Ether Boy
This seemed a much more difficult piece than your other poems. i found it hard to follow and probably wouldn't have got it at all without the explanation.

in general i'd have to say fairly good, even if it was confusing.
1/30/2006 c1 10Queen of Duct Tape
I got the gist of it, reading it, and it would have been fine on its own, but thanks everso for the explanation! I really liked it! I'm sure I'll get around to reading and, hopefully, reviewing all your fics eventually, but it's bound to take me a while. And instead of classifying this stuff as poetry or fiction, I'd just call it free verse. It seems to fit.

Yours sincerely,

the Queen of Duct Tape
1/6/2006 c1 14kit feral
I love this. And I love it even more now that I get it. It's so clever and just wicked creative. It's really hard to read, I think I've read it four times now... I just keep going back and reading it from hers and then her mother and then both... wow, I adore it. "-She needed to be broken (but only by him), she says." That is amazing. "-I’m not a meddler (but I couldn’t resist tearing her in half), she says." Really strong, I like it. "-And I hope you can help her (to forget her religion), she says." I love the daughter's voice. And I love the ending. Probably my favorite part. SO powerful. Awesome, awesome, awesome work, I really really really love it. Really. Love it. Okay, that's enough. You get it. :P Never stop writing!
1/6/2006 c1 20Autumn Dance
Okay...Right now bare with me because I am very sleepy and I have a HUGE hormone count. If nothing makes sense then just poke me...I read it and you know me- I got very very confused. Well more thjan that- I was dumbfounded. So much that I had a sneezing attack...OoThen I looked at it again (I hadn't read the A/N) And I began to vaguly understand that there were two people...This still had me thrown quite a bit, but THEN I was clever and read your explanation (I am a complete plank) And it all clicked into place. It astounded me greatly at the skill it is to put these type of poems together. You use effort and you seem to think around the box or outside it or whatever...You know what I mean.I adore the way that it's set out. It is just right. One thing- It doesn't seem that the voice in brackets is the girl, it seems like it's her mother's conscience and I think it ruined it a bit for me not fully getting that it was the girl, because it seemed like the mother was a stronger character than the girl. And that the girl was a doormat...Just my opinion really. It's probably the weay i'm interpreting it. The mother did anger me a huge amount at her pompousness. (You know I don't like it when Adults think they are better than us! And when they get in the way of true love.)I really like the last line in brackets "(And God’s an atheist, like her)" You know I'm a Christian but that phrase just touched me in ways unimaginable. My skin just reacted,(Don't laugh you goose) like someone had aimed a gun at my head. I love it SO much it's amazing and so thoughtprovoking. It will undoubtedly be on my mind all day now...just because it is so full of imagery and philosophy. I know I don't study it like you but I still adore it. This is wonderful and I love it VERY much. I like it when you do poems like this one. Keep writing my Ta-ta and I will phone you as I normally do, tonight...Love and tonnes of hugs,Autumn x
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