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for Mother of the Machine

3/27/2008 c3 12TorgoTheWhite
My goodness! I just finished the first chapter and was stunned by the dark portrayal of such a sadistic sport. Despite the grisly descriptions I can't seem to stop myself from reading.
8/18/2006 c15 dreamshell
this story was a pretty interesting play on philsophy/strategy. the concepts presented do get one thinking and the idea of "a Nietzschean with a pet god" sounds pretty wild.

something i thought while reading this was; in a time when a human mind can be uploaded into a computer, or a human's mind/body can be altered thanks to machinery, what do things like race, and even gender, mean? like Zeno believes, there seems to be more than just 2 options. but in light of this thought, it does make all the racist propaganda of the Combine corporations even more archaic than it is today.

while i do like this story alot, i am not without a bit of constructive criticism. i always hate giving it out, because who am i to critique, but i suppose it couldn't hurt;

it occurs to me that, aside from being the one meant to ascend into the Dreamer, Daniel is pretty irrelevant. meaning, going to Earth, talking to Risona, all of that seemed unnecessary, more obviously beneficial TO the story than FOR the story. now, don't get me wrong, it was stil entertaining. i suppose there was some sort of intellectual/emotional journey he took while talking to Sigma and the others, but maybe i missed its importance.

anyway, i still liked this alot; always a fan of 'man meets machine meets god' sci-fi. this definitely had a strong vibe akin to Dune and Asimov, which makes me like it all the more.
8/14/2006 c15 Edcrab
Wow, that felt kind of sudden... so, now we need an immediate continuation of the Machine universe! I know what's going on beyond the Polis now :p

The ending was unexpected: but I like how even the JED was subjected to infighting and personal agendas. Much more interesting than the usual "perfect" organisations that tend to engineer major changes in other science-fiction settings.

The extremists spawned through colonial "pioneering" sound like very nasty types, and it explains the kind of fascist pseudo-religious bigotry that still lingers in the time of the Polis. Blargh, shoot them all!

The introduction of a device like the Dreamer was pretty much a "holy shit" moment (to paraphrase Daniel), and I'm assuming it came out of the blue without much foreshadowing because it'll be a major part of the sequels. That's right, I used a plural- you could go on forever with this!

Anyway, short but sweet. Fleshed out the setting massively and was enjoyable in its own right- everything a prequel should be!
8/6/2006 c9 Alaneet
Hey, I'm still in Europe.

This is a good chapter. Race wars, technology held back, wormhole travel make it very good read.

Keep up the good work. *_*
8/1/2006 c11 Edcrab
Still, how do you get that much glass?

Nuking a desert region.


Deadpan responses to questions like that? Classic!

Not as enjoyable as chapter 10 (purely because it's briefer, I'm sure) but still damn good, though I'm looking forward to more lengthy dialogue elaborating on the Combine's atrocious nature- they're quickly becoming one of my favourite fictional sides (um, if you get what I mean).

I like how realism continues to permeate amongst all this talk of space corporations- and, as per usual, your technical language is unmatched. Projectile weapons remain a Harron trademark ;)
7/13/2006 c10 Edcrab
Ah, this is still (probably) my most favourite of all your universes!

Thank god for the advent of mental-speed communication, that's what I say- it lets you give us these great conversations where the sheer amount of information and background given threatens to overflow our simple minds!

Having read this backwards, so to speak, it's great that the Machine hypothesis is justified so well by the JED before the project is finalised (although we the reader have the ironic advantage of knowing that the end result works out successfull, despite a few setbacks...) - it ensures the plot is solid on every level, without lazily throwing out the "yeah, we just think it'll work" mindset that they could've otherwise clung to.

Oh yes, and my usual review-ending cry: MORE!
6/29/2006 c9 1P-123456789
This is intriguing. The man-machine idea seems more benevolent for some reason. I like how this group of people are portrayed as essentially as philosophers and thinkers. Very witty and very current.
6/23/2006 c8 Alaneer

Just a few typos.

"He reached out to [touch] the eye..."

"Wires, pipes, and "ventillation" ducts were [suspended]..."

Dull arrows would still penetrate human flesh if shot from far enough. It could still cause injury.

Nice chapter. Good job. *_*
6/23/2006 c1 Mbwun
Ah, yes, the old Preston-Child method of killing a kid in the first chapter, just to let your readers know you ain't fuckin' around. Good opener; nice and shocking.
6/5/2006 c7 Arkash
I'm not so behind on this story, so I'll read this one first.

I also like to use Sigma as a name.

An interesting political twist.

Good job. *_*
5/31/2006 c8 Edcrab
Oh thank god! I really needed a return to the Machine universe!

I can now see exactly what you meant about the Conglomerate/Combine similarity you mentioned a lot earlier-I could easily see a supercorp like the Conglomerate expanding into a Combine-esque empire had it been given enough time to go truly galactic.

I really like the twisted history the Combine are trying to perpetuate- bastardised creationism meets patriotism in a big heap of lies and prejudice. Which makes for great reading ;)

And on the other side of the spectrum, the JED members' wordplay is very clever. It's great how Daniel gets absorbed into their political debates/explanations, and it's very clear why they'd be dissatisfied with something like the Combine!

Anyway, bring on the mystery presence in the freighter I say...
5/18/2006 c7 5Corpsman-of-Krieg
This is without a doubt the best chapter written thus far. Excellent job. It amazes me how well you are able to meld so many great historical allusions into your characters, all the while keeping it smooth and very entertaining. Kudos, Jave. I hope I can write as well one day.

2/3/2006 c6 Corpsman-of-Krieg
Excellent job, Jave. I like how you intertwined different ideologies of the "past" and played them off of the brainwashed "present" beliefs. Zeno has become my favorite character now. I'm looking forward to Chapter 7.

2/1/2006 c6 12Monev11235
Hmm... enteresting.

Zeno is awesome.
1/28/2006 c6 dreamshell
major kudos to you for the beloved Cthulhu reference. :)i also liked the MSC's version of their past/our present. very humorous.i like Zeno. and this story just keeps getting more intriguing.
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