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for Almost January Lightning

2/4/2006 c1 612simpleplan13
beautifully done
1/10/2006 c1 194Aslan Israel
Wow. So simple and descriptive. I love how you wrote this. Great use of verbs.
1/4/2006 c1 With Rhyme and Reason
Very lovely language. You start most of your lines with verbs of movement! I don't know if it was on purpose, but I think it really works. Actually, if you were to rewrite this, it's be cool if you started EVERY line with a verb of motion. The title of this poem is also very good.

"Hit hard like the hurricane / Slid soft like the sand." Nice lines, there.

Your rhyme scheme is good, but you should work on your meter. Seriously, this poem could be fantastic.

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