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4/9/2006 c1 tmelange1
Excellent beginning. Kudos.
4/8/2006 c13 Sam Weva
Hooray, another chapter! I've never happened to be at my computer at the point that the alert came through!
4/8/2006 c13 9Low Key Lyesmith
It's nice to see a set of new characters!

The only thing I'm wondering about is, with all these people that they don't even know working for them, many of these people mercenaries, how can they be sure that one of them isn't actually one of the Cores?
4/4/2006 c10 3Life Fate Love
:O RONE..! Wow I really didn't see that coming, but then again it makes some sense in an odd way, considering that I haven't read past this chapter.

I love this story. You have a few errors, but then I again I probably have many in my own stories.

You transition from one character/ scene to the next so well. Oh and don't worry about over-explaining. Write what you want (explaining everything) then go back and reread it. If it has too detailed then take out what you don't need or cut it down a little.
4/3/2006 c12 9Low Key Lyesmith
I like the new setting. It seems a bit darker, which fits perfectly with the way Rhen/Soran's state of life currently is.

Also, I like how he finally accepted the name Soran, even if it was a bit of a predictable event.

I'm interested to know more about the Cores of Hell, more specifically some of the people at the head of it. It seems as though with them you can have villains both from Soran's past and present coming after him at once which could turn out to be pretty cool.
4/3/2006 c11 Low Key Lyesmith
Another good one - though I get the feeling that this is not the last of Rone. If Rone does die, I get the feeling that Rhen will be there to see it - maybe even cause it.

I'm really interested to see where Rhen goes after this. So I'm on to the next chapter!
4/3/2006 c10 Low Key Lyesmith
Once again, an amazingly written chapter. It was really sad, especially how Rhen was in a way not even able to really mourn about his parents' deaths, and how he actually killed one of them.

Also, I saw it in this chapter and the last, I like how you almost seem to write in bullet-time when Rhen fights.

Allright - on to the next one!
4/3/2006 c9 Low Key Lyesmith
Allright, first off, great chapter. It was a nice way for me to get back into this story.

Second, I did find it believable and in character that Rone would help Rhen escape. Yet maybe not so much to the extent that he did. I almost could see a more Rone looking the other way when he could have stopped Rhen thing going on. Also, at the time he was unsure of Rhen's true intentions. Either way, though, it ended up well, with a true emotional battle between the two of them.

Now to point out a few typos I caught:

"Rone squinted at Rone in the darkness, his eyes not as keen as the elf’s." ^You said Rone twice instead of Rone and Rhen. Bound to happen with two characters with similar names.

"Well, you made it iso/i easy." “It can’t be helped, since I refused to teach iyou/i,” ^Looks like your italics just didn't feel like working here...

other than that, it's great! I'm gonna try and get a couple more chapters read right now!
4/1/2006 c12 Sam Weva
New characters to learn about! And a new village where? And what might be going on with Rone right now?

I'll be patient.

By the way I like the way you've thrown in a little comic relief to let me breathe a bit.

Keep on!
4/1/2006 c5 3Life Fate Love
I really like this story. The way you portray the characters and scenes and how Rhen seems to change and grow. Though I have to admit this sounds a little like R.A. Salvatore's books about the dark elf Drizzt Do'Urden.

I wonder why Rone took to Rhen...I guess I'll find if I keep reading.
3/28/2006 c11 Caitlin J. Smith
I'm really enjoying this story, though it's heartbreaking in way. I'm just wondering what Rhen is going to do now that he has nowhere to go, and what his new name is going to be. I like how his character becomes more and more disillusioned with each part.
3/27/2006 c11 Sam Weva
After recovering from some corrective eye surgery, I've just caught up with chapters 9 to 11 - wow!

Yes, I can believe that the teacher in Rone would protect his once-in-a-lifetime student.

It does seem naive of Rhen to think he could go back to his home town. Both naive in thinking that he would be accepted there and in not anticipating that he would be searched for there. But then, we've already seen that his behavior is not thoroughly premeditated.

Great job - I can't wait for more!

Sam
3/12/2006 c1 StoryJunkie
Excellent beginning. Liked the POV. Really good for gaining reader's sympathy for the little blighter. I can hardly believe a mother could do such a cruel thing. What will his fate be?
3/12/2006 c9 EternalEnd
Well, let's see, though I am by no means a writer worthy of critiquing your work, I'll try to give my honest opinion. I beleive this latest Chapter was very well written; Rone's quiet acknowledgement to assist Rhen felt right in character, but I think perhaps the explanation of thoughts and actions after Cerno's death may have been a bit mucho, but only a smidget, other than the constant back and forth with hardly anything bein said I thought the entire chapter was Cool beans. For future reference maybe a bigger portion of the next chapter could be dedicated to evolving his mental process, so that the readers could possibly take a deeper look into the thoughts Rhen loses himself in to disconnect from reality. And plus, more characters seem to be inevitable but just thought I'd throw that out there. Eek! K this is your story, which is coming out beautifully, so keep up the goodness. Ciao.
3/6/2006 c8 9Low Key Lyesmith
I'm really liking how this is unfolding. I'm very interested to see more of the world that this story takes place in.
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