for The Prince's Rose10/22/2007 c1 
36B.S. Ha
*phew* At first, I was like WHAT? HE KILLED THE ROSE? Then, I was like oh, okay, that's good.
Anywho, this kinda reminded me of when the prince goes through the bramble to get to Sleeping Beauty. It's nicely written, and lovely imagery.
~BSHa
36B.S. Ha*phew* At first, I was like WHAT? HE KILLED THE ROSE? Then, I was like oh, okay, that's good.
Anywho, this kinda reminded me of when the prince goes through the bramble to get to Sleeping Beauty. It's nicely written, and lovely imagery.
~BSHa
5/8/2006 c1 7Alankria
I think I read this a few months ago but didn't review for some reason. Anyway, here's a review now.
I found only one thing I can CC: "And then something caught his eye – something far off in the corner of the garden…something small and bright." - I just don't like the punctuation: the use of the hyphen and then ellipses. I would personally replace the hyphen with a comma, but I'm not sure if that's correct.
It's such a shame when the rose is picked, I think. I know it keeps growing and being beautiful in the hair of his sweetheart, but I think it was more beautiful in the ugly garden. ...Not sure if that was your intention, but heh.
Responding to review: (1) Oh, well done for figuring out who Amy is! No one else has, or perhaps they just haven't commented. She has a small significance, which I need to figure out how to work into the story, actually. Hmm... (2) Thanks for reading! Almost caught up!
7AlankriaI think I read this a few months ago but didn't review for some reason. Anyway, here's a review now.
I found only one thing I can CC: "And then something caught his eye – something far off in the corner of the garden…something small and bright." - I just don't like the punctuation: the use of the hyphen and then ellipses. I would personally replace the hyphen with a comma, but I'm not sure if that's correct.
It's such a shame when the rose is picked, I think. I know it keeps growing and being beautiful in the hair of his sweetheart, but I think it was more beautiful in the ugly garden. ...Not sure if that was your intention, but heh.
Responding to review: (1) Oh, well done for figuring out who Amy is! No one else has, or perhaps they just haven't commented. She has a small significance, which I need to figure out how to work into the story, actually. Hmm... (2) Thanks for reading! Almost caught up!
5/1/2006 c1 1NovelJ
I love gardens and stories about gardens. This really reminds me of The Secret Garden. Anyway I really like how in a few hundred words you go through the whole cycle of death and disrepair and into blooming life.
Thanks for reviewing my poems.
JBQ
1NovelJI love gardens and stories about gardens. This really reminds me of The Secret Garden. Anyway I really like how in a few hundred words you go through the whole cycle of death and disrepair and into blooming life.
Thanks for reviewing my poems.
JBQ
3/11/2006 c1 19Kat-Renee Kittel
"There is no effort to paltry to be worth undertaken" - Sam Waterston.
This reminds me of a drawing I made of South American ruins and a lone flower growing beside the broken stone of an ancient window.
"Have faith in Life... a thousand times faith." -Elie Weisel (last name mispelled). ^..^
19Kat-Renee Kittel"There is no effort to paltry to be worth undertaken" - Sam Waterston.
This reminds me of a drawing I made of South American ruins and a lone flower growing beside the broken stone of an ancient window.
"Have faith in Life... a thousand times faith." -Elie Weisel (last name mispelled). ^..^
2/5/2006 c1 Arkash
Very good imagery.
Beauty and love could triumph and become eternal.
Nice writing. *_*
Very good imagery.
Beauty and love could triumph and become eternal.
Nice writing. *_*
1/30/2006 c1 16RuathaWehrling
And one more, since the poem was so short!
1.) "its eager roots absorbed the fodder." - While I don't think it's technically WRONG to apply the word "fodder" to a plant, it's not common and sounds kind of funny. Usually "fodder" means food for animals (most often farm animals). Just take another look and see if it sounds right to you, ok?
2.) " its hue shone brilliant in the damp morning light" - brilliantly (adverb).
3.) "Plucking it from the foul garden in which it grew" - Poor flower! He spent ALL that effort just to grow and -pluck!- he's yanked out of the dirt! I feel bad for him! :)
Well, you made the flower bloom eternally, so maybe I'll forgive you for comment #3. ;- Anyhow! Very nice story. The one thing I thought felt sort of off as I read it was the transition from the description of the garden and the flower's trials - which is written very elegantly - to the entrance of the prince. The phrase: "Now, a certain prince owned this garden" almost stunned me with it's lack of elegance, compared to the rest of the piece. After a few sentences, that sense of colloquialism and casualness fades away, but it was pretty jarring, so (unless you meant it to be like that!) you might want to look at it and see what you think.
Oh - and by the way, the only reason I'm being so anal with my comments is that your writing is too clean and good for the usual simplistic grammar corrections. I figure that if you're anything like me, you'd rather have a good review that discusses things at the level you need to discuss - which is quite high. So don't be offended by the comments. You're a great writer! ;-)
Keep writing! -Ruatha
16RuathaWehrlingAnd one more, since the poem was so short!
1.) "its eager roots absorbed the fodder." - While I don't think it's technically WRONG to apply the word "fodder" to a plant, it's not common and sounds kind of funny. Usually "fodder" means food for animals (most often farm animals). Just take another look and see if it sounds right to you, ok?
2.) " its hue shone brilliant in the damp morning light" - brilliantly (adverb).
3.) "Plucking it from the foul garden in which it grew" - Poor flower! He spent ALL that effort just to grow and -pluck!- he's yanked out of the dirt! I feel bad for him! :)
Well, you made the flower bloom eternally, so maybe I'll forgive you for comment #3. ;- Anyhow! Very nice story. The one thing I thought felt sort of off as I read it was the transition from the description of the garden and the flower's trials - which is written very elegantly - to the entrance of the prince. The phrase: "Now, a certain prince owned this garden" almost stunned me with it's lack of elegance, compared to the rest of the piece. After a few sentences, that sense of colloquialism and casualness fades away, but it was pretty jarring, so (unless you meant it to be like that!) you might want to look at it and see what you think.
Oh - and by the way, the only reason I'm being so anal with my comments is that your writing is too clean and good for the usual simplistic grammar corrections. I figure that if you're anything like me, you'd rather have a good review that discusses things at the level you need to discuss - which is quite high. So don't be offended by the comments. You're a great writer! ;-)
Keep writing! -Ruatha
1/28/2006 c1 56printed-peppermint
So wonderfully and intricately described; I could almost feel the melancholy of the abandoned garden, see the rose persevering through the desolation of the plants around it. A beautiful metaphor of life as well...
56printed-peppermintSo wonderfully and intricately described; I could almost feel the melancholy of the abandoned garden, see the rose persevering through the desolation of the plants around it. A beautiful metaphor of life as well...
1/26/2006 c1 4LovingTarquine
I am very impressed by this piece. Your descriptions are wonderful and the story is very catchy. I also like your allegory and you're right, it is very strong.
8/10Thanks for the review.
4LovingTarquineI am very impressed by this piece. Your descriptions are wonderful and the story is very catchy. I also like your allegory and you're right, it is very strong.
8/10Thanks for the review.
1/25/2006 c1 13Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu
Hi there! It's me again! ^^ Ok, so I'll have to say that the words here are quite well-used. This story is very descriptive in nature despite it's short length. Anyway, nothing much to say for now. But hope to see you going on writing soon! Bye!
P.S: I've done a guide on Arven. Hope to see your review for it soon! ^^
13Tsumujikaze no SoujutsuHi there! It's me again! ^^ Ok, so I'll have to say that the words here are quite well-used. This story is very descriptive in nature despite it's short length. Anyway, nothing much to say for now. But hope to see you going on writing soon! Bye!
P.S: I've done a guide on Arven. Hope to see your review for it soon! ^^
1/13/2006 c1 1Alzemu
Hi, wonder if you remember me...
anyways, althought i really like this one...i hate that prince...=_= he is cruel...nature killer! heh heh...as always, great discription that makes me want to visit the garden it self...(the one before it became overrun by clovers..)
1AlzemuHi, wonder if you remember me...
anyways, althought i really like this one...i hate that prince...=_= he is cruel...nature killer! heh heh...as always, great discription that makes me want to visit the garden it self...(the one before it became overrun by clovers..)
1/12/2006 c1 55Lellida
I loved the contrast between the stark gray garden and the brilliant rose. My favorite line is about it blinking at the sun. But I noticed something odd about the story-you never mentioned the color of the rose! Wait let me check again... nope don't think so. Not that it's a bad thing, but was something I noticed. I was expecting a cynical ending, where the prince plucked the rose that had tried so hard and so long to grow, killing it. But whatever, only my idea- I really liked this story though.
55LellidaI loved the contrast between the stark gray garden and the brilliant rose. My favorite line is about it blinking at the sun. But I noticed something odd about the story-you never mentioned the color of the rose! Wait let me check again... nope don't think so. Not that it's a bad thing, but was something I noticed. I was expecting a cynical ending, where the prince plucked the rose that had tried so hard and so long to grow, killing it. But whatever, only my idea- I really liked this story though.
1/12/2006 c1 1rrmehta364
the phrase, "Its cause unrequited" didn't make much sense to me.
beautiful little story, though I didn't see any obvious allegory. I did see the theme of beautiful things coming from ugly sources, but I don't know if that counts as an allegory. Anyways, great job and I look forward to reading more.
1rrmehta364the phrase, "Its cause unrequited" didn't make much sense to me.
beautiful little story, though I didn't see any obvious allegory. I did see the theme of beautiful things coming from ugly sources, but I don't know if that counts as an allegory. Anyways, great job and I look forward to reading more.
1/11/2006 c1 Joelle Duran
I love the description you use in this, particularly in regard to the flower.
But the ending falls a little flat for me as well. Being plucked hardly seems enviable reward for hard toil, and that the rest of the once-glorious garden is denuded of its last spark and left to rot is also sad. I'm probably biased because I like to garden myself. =)
Still, beautifully written.
I love the description you use in this, particularly in regard to the flower.
But the ending falls a little flat for me as well. Being plucked hardly seems enviable reward for hard toil, and that the rest of the once-glorious garden is denuded of its last spark and left to rot is also sad. I'm probably biased because I like to garden myself. =)
Still, beautifully written.
1/10/2006 c1 mmatins
That's a pretty nifty story. I like it! Sweet tale, simply told; and allegorical enough without pushing it. :)
That's a pretty nifty story. I like it! Sweet tale, simply told; and allegorical enough without pushing it. :)