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for The Enclosure

12/12/2006 c1 12qblisa
You made me feel complete empathy for these poor animals enclosed in man-made cages. I often think that these animals feel like that, and often wonder if they remember what it is like to be free. What a sad, but true poem.

Lisa
3/2/2006 c1 47Paper Bag Ghost
Wow.. this is about pandas, right? Poor pandas... they're so cute! Cute poem!
1/15/2006 c1 31bjw
Ohmygod! Thanks for putting me in your profile! And all of your compliments! I'm awed! You've just made me so much happier.^^

Ahem anyway, on to your poem. I thought that the pauses were well placed - like spaces filled with thoughts - they captured the sage pondering wistfulness of pandas, so good job there.

But I think the "we’ve lost the meaning to Life" is kind of redundant; it's already in the last line, "loss". I felt that all the emotion in the poem was well projected in that simple word. Amazing how that one word sounded so..poignant.:P And another thing - "shattered jade of green" sounds a little awkward...I don't know, maybe it's just me, but jade being used as a noun in that phrase just...strikes the wrong chord. Maybe you'd like to try "shattered shade of green" or "shattered jaded green" instead?

Anyway, overall great job. Keep writing! And thanks again for your compliments, haha.
1/13/2006 c1 144chaos called creation
you don't see alot of poems with prespectives besides the human mind. you described this beautifully.
1/11/2006 c1 1k+Faithless Juliet
The part where you talk about the names being understood yet - lost, really stuck out to me. The historical weight and meaning of them has always fascinated me. Keep up the good work.

Much love,Juliet.

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