for Forbidden4/10/2007 c18 kris bartolome
this story can get addictive. you really know how to set the pace, speeding up and slowing down when needed. i think that's a really vital skill to use in your work. i love the way you paint mental pictures with such delicacy and detail. however, i'd also like to point out that the grammatical errors, although forgivable due to your status as a busy student, needs editing. if read by the chapter, it flows naturally, almost as if letting the story take its course, but if read as a whole, you can begin to see some patterns emerging, certain redundancies with the wordplay. the storyline is pretty interesting, even if theologically speaking a bit shady. but, hey, it's fiction, right? you'd better start working on the next part, or risk outraging your readers. it's a very enjoyable read, so keep honing that talent. thanks.
this story can get addictive. you really know how to set the pace, speeding up and slowing down when needed. i think that's a really vital skill to use in your work. i love the way you paint mental pictures with such delicacy and detail. however, i'd also like to point out that the grammatical errors, although forgivable due to your status as a busy student, needs editing. if read by the chapter, it flows naturally, almost as if letting the story take its course, but if read as a whole, you can begin to see some patterns emerging, certain redundancies with the wordplay. the storyline is pretty interesting, even if theologically speaking a bit shady. but, hey, it's fiction, right? you'd better start working on the next part, or risk outraging your readers. it's a very enjoyable read, so keep honing that talent. thanks.
6/7/2006 c18 Timur
Erm... thats it? Kind of an abrupt ending don't you think?
Erm... thats it? Kind of an abrupt ending don't you think?
6/4/2006 c18 
6Andre' Betita
Argh! It's over! Just like that! Geez...you really know how to leave readers begging for more... =D
It's been magnificent. I can't wait for the sequel!
6Andre' BetitaArgh! It's over! Just like that! Geez...you really know how to leave readers begging for more... =D
It's been magnificent. I can't wait for the sequel!
6/3/2006 c18 3pamplemousse-fou
Okay so this is only Part ONE right? I WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO ANDREI! *cries* He was so lovely...stupid Sebastian.I still love it, I can't wait to read more!
3pamplemousse-fouOkay so this is only Part ONE right? I WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO ANDREI! *cries* He was so lovely...stupid Sebastian.I still love it, I can't wait to read more!
6/3/2006 c18 2DestroX
damn...i was wrong...Andrei isn't a vampire...but it was a good ending to a great story. You guys amaze me. By you guys, i mean everyone who has posted a story on fiction press. Every single story that i have read is magnificient, and most could probably be published and become bestsellers. oh, and...um...i hate to say this, but my OCD requires that i do...would you please try using spellcheck from now on? please? i just can't take it that a great author has so many spelling errors in this day and age.
2DestroXdamn...i was wrong...Andrei isn't a vampire...but it was a good ending to a great story. You guys amaze me. By you guys, i mean everyone who has posted a story on fiction press. Every single story that i have read is magnificient, and most could probably be published and become bestsellers. oh, and...um...i hate to say this, but my OCD requires that i do...would you please try using spellcheck from now on? please? i just can't take it that a great author has so many spelling errors in this day and age.
6/2/2006 c16 DestroX
*raises hand as if in school*Oh, ooh...um...oh, ya XD is Andrei a vampire? i really liked this story...but there were a lot of spelling and grammar errors, and i mean a lot.
*raises hand as if in school*Oh, ooh...um...oh, ya XD is Andrei a vampire? i really liked this story...but there were a lot of spelling and grammar errors, and i mean a lot.
6/1/2006 c14 3pamplemousse-fou
The tension is killing me! I'm still loving it. I was very excited when I saw you updated it.I am also very sad that it's almost over...
Sorry to say that my story isn't coming along, but it takes longer to write - and I have been busy.I'm looking forward to more/then end...
AH!
3pamplemousse-fouThe tension is killing me! I'm still loving it. I was very excited when I saw you updated it.I am also very sad that it's almost over...
Sorry to say that my story isn't coming along, but it takes longer to write - and I have been busy.I'm looking forward to more/then end...
AH!
5/24/2006 c14 Timur
Wow, after reading this story I am very impressed.
I enjoy the pace, even if at the start it was a little confusing (with the time jump), its very beleivable. The characters are human (relativley speaking), and relatable.
The mystery is very captivating as well. Usually most stories on this website are borish and childesh in their complexity. Yours however is delightful.
I can't wait to read more, and see if everyone is who I think they are:)
Wow, after reading this story I am very impressed.
I enjoy the pace, even if at the start it was a little confusing (with the time jump), its very beleivable. The characters are human (relativley speaking), and relatable.
The mystery is very captivating as well. Usually most stories on this website are borish and childesh in their complexity. Yours however is delightful.
I can't wait to read more, and see if everyone is who I think they are:)
5/12/2006 c12 6Andre' Betita
I know I probably shouldn't make a habit out of reviewing every chapter of this story that I would be reading from now on, but I just HAVE to review this one!
The story seemed to slow down a bit, in contrast to how fast-paced it has been so far. What really makes this "slow-down" worth it is that it's rich in meaningful content. But it doesn't end there! Meaningful as the content is, the meanings are not complete and leave the readers waiting in excitement for what would happen next!
Why does Lia "especially" belong to the church? What has Andrei got to do with it? What is Sebastian's role in all this? These are just a few of the questions that will keep ringing in the readers' ears.
Congratulations again for another job well done! And long-live devout Christians! (Haha! Sorry, I just couldn't hold back from expressing my faith! ^_^)
6Andre' BetitaI know I probably shouldn't make a habit out of reviewing every chapter of this story that I would be reading from now on, but I just HAVE to review this one!
The story seemed to slow down a bit, in contrast to how fast-paced it has been so far. What really makes this "slow-down" worth it is that it's rich in meaningful content. But it doesn't end there! Meaningful as the content is, the meanings are not complete and leave the readers waiting in excitement for what would happen next!
Why does Lia "especially" belong to the church? What has Andrei got to do with it? What is Sebastian's role in all this? These are just a few of the questions that will keep ringing in the readers' ears.
Congratulations again for another job well done! And long-live devout Christians! (Haha! Sorry, I just couldn't hold back from expressing my faith! ^_^)
5/2/2006 c11 3pamplemousse-fou
oh!WHAT HAPPENED! I'm so interested, write more as soon as you can. I'm really enjoying it.Apart from a few mistakes in missing words or letters, its perfect. I'm loving it...what was the main characters name again, the guy? Andrei? Interesting...
3pamplemousse-fouoh!WHAT HAPPENED! I'm so interested, write more as soon as you can. I'm really enjoying it.Apart from a few mistakes in missing words or letters, its perfect. I'm loving it...what was the main characters name again, the guy? Andrei? Interesting...
5/2/2006 c9 pamplemousse-fou
This was fantastic! Of course, I feel terrible that I've been reading it in school, but it's wonderful. I'm excited to read more on later...I will finish the next few chapters and review again. I definately liked this one though, ;).
This was fantastic! Of course, I feel terrible that I've been reading it in school, but it's wonderful. I'm excited to read more on later...I will finish the next few chapters and review again. I definately liked this one though, ;).
5/2/2006 c11 6Andre' Betita
Great job here. Being the lazy reader that I am, I usually just read the first chapters of multi-chaptered stories before I decide if I wanted to know what happens next or not. But in this case, I finished reading eleven chapters before I even noticed that I was reading something at all. There was no competition. I definitely wanted to know what would happen next.
Keep updating! I'll be watching.
P.S. My fictionpress pen name is my REAL name, and I found it...umm...amusing that I shared the same first name with your mystery man.
6Andre' BetitaGreat job here. Being the lazy reader that I am, I usually just read the first chapters of multi-chaptered stories before I decide if I wanted to know what happens next or not. But in this case, I finished reading eleven chapters before I even noticed that I was reading something at all. There was no competition. I definitely wanted to know what would happen next.
Keep updating! I'll be watching.
P.S. My fictionpress pen name is my REAL name, and I found it...umm...amusing that I shared the same first name with your mystery man.
3/16/2006 c6 Sam
Wow I really like it! Can't wait to read more!
Wow I really like it! Can't wait to read more!
3/12/2006 c6 2Nicolas Forndrale
Forbidden is quite fast-paced...which really does make readers want more.
Romance is all over the place, and yet a hint of mystery is scattered throughout - quite an exceptionally surreal blend, I must say.
This is but a mere suggestion from a reader, gillian-raine: I would like to be acquainted with the main character and the mysterious man a bit more. Perhaps their names and a few hints on the main character's physical appearance would suffice.
But then again, this may be your way of subsequently unraveling the details of your story. :)
I shall watch out for further updates.
You better keep on with this, gillian-raine! :D
- Nicolas
2Nicolas ForndraleForbidden is quite fast-paced...which really does make readers want more.
Romance is all over the place, and yet a hint of mystery is scattered throughout - quite an exceptionally surreal blend, I must say.
This is but a mere suggestion from a reader, gillian-raine: I would like to be acquainted with the main character and the mysterious man a bit more. Perhaps their names and a few hints on the main character's physical appearance would suffice.
But then again, this may be your way of subsequently unraveling the details of your story. :)
I shall watch out for further updates.
You better keep on with this, gillian-raine! :D
- Nicolas