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for The Four Heroes

1/15/2006 c1 12364 unbirthdays
Very nice plot, I'm liking this. Update soon!
1/14/2006 c1 12Ascending Rain
Reviewing as I go:"none connected to the prestigious royal family" I don't think that's needed. Instead you could say something like, "ordinary people: going about living thier lives in a small town..." or whatever fits the context.How do you pronounce tzar'gan? Perhaps saying that in a note at the bottom."large court like chamber" court-likeYou use man twice in two sentences and door twice, try to use synonyms or find other ways of saying things.I like this: "all looked to be covered with fresh snow.""around a circular hole in the floor, inside the hole, infinite blackness" It could be shortened by saying something like, "a cicular hole of infinite darkness in the floor."

Very good so far. You could add more description in some places, like describing the appearances of Tai'n or the portal room. I hope to read the next chapter soon. Please continue.
1/14/2006 c1 5The Cloud Watcher
Good stuff my writer friend. Continue. You can't leave me there. I want to know of his gathering of the infinite four... So go... Gather then return tell me of your trials and of your tribulations. Find the four! Tanil must be saved! Create thine world weaver of words.

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