for Fremont Hospital5/25/2006 c1 
18Kirstie Danielle
I'm sorry, but I don't think that you have room to talk when saying that something that I wrote sucks.
You don't even know that you need to seperate dialogue when writing. And your grammar isn't very good.
18Kirstie DanielleI'm sorry, but I don't think that you have room to talk when saying that something that I wrote sucks.
You don't even know that you need to seperate dialogue when writing. And your grammar isn't very good.
1/25/2006 c1 ii
Depakote. Please, get the spelling right.
“ What am I diagnosed with?” I asked in a facial expression that my mom never forgot.
How can one ask in a facial expression? One asks *with* a facial expression, not *in* it.Also, separate the dialogue so that only one person speaks per paragraph. Even with tags, it's very confusing to read.It would help if your story was a little longer too, and if it had any horror in it.
Depakote. Please, get the spelling right.
“ What am I diagnosed with?” I asked in a facial expression that my mom never forgot.
How can one ask in a facial expression? One asks *with* a facial expression, not *in* it.Also, separate the dialogue so that only one person speaks per paragraph. Even with tags, it's very confusing to read.It would help if your story was a little longer too, and if it had any horror in it.
1/24/2006 c1 33Ghostwriter Revealed
Godd story... tough experience. I hope you're making the best of things. Stay well, and keep writing...
33Ghostwriter RevealedGodd story... tough experience. I hope you're making the best of things. Stay well, and keep writing...