for Watching the Stars1/31/2006 c1 
70Maisha Mafuriko
Kinda different the way of the placement of the bold italics...different can be good.
Gives me to ponder that so oft outdoors when viewing the stars and yet here, about to drift off into slumber, viewing the stars from indoors...I like it!
70Maisha MafurikoKinda different the way of the placement of the bold italics...different can be good.
Gives me to ponder that so oft outdoors when viewing the stars and yet here, about to drift off into slumber, viewing the stars from indoors...I like it!
1/27/2006 c1 With Rhyme and Reason
Every poem should have a point, a deeper meaning, a complex undergrowth. I wonder if you thought about that while you were composing this piece. It seems to me that you might have some special connection with lying in bed at night, watching the stars-but why should the reader care? Poetry to invoke a feeling in the reader which makes him/her really invest his/herself in the poem. When I finished this poem, I was left thinking, "Okay. And?" I think you probably get my point.
Another thing that bothered me in this poem is that you insert freaky bolds and italics where they have no place. If you feel that the words you bolded and italicized are "more special" than all the other words, that's good for you. But you, the writer, obviously know they're special. Personally, if I HAD to use weird typography, I'd put the entire poem in italics (no bolds, mind you), in an attempt to make it seem somewhat mystical.
I didn't love this poem. I think it's much too personal for a piece of literature. No, it's the worst poem I've ever read. And it's not even NEAR being the worst poem I've ever read. It just bothers me a bit, because I couldn't feel a meaning.
I liked your poem "Wishing" much better.
Every poem should have a point, a deeper meaning, a complex undergrowth. I wonder if you thought about that while you were composing this piece. It seems to me that you might have some special connection with lying in bed at night, watching the stars-but why should the reader care? Poetry to invoke a feeling in the reader which makes him/her really invest his/herself in the poem. When I finished this poem, I was left thinking, "Okay. And?" I think you probably get my point.
Another thing that bothered me in this poem is that you insert freaky bolds and italics where they have no place. If you feel that the words you bolded and italicized are "more special" than all the other words, that's good for you. But you, the writer, obviously know they're special. Personally, if I HAD to use weird typography, I'd put the entire poem in italics (no bolds, mind you), in an attempt to make it seem somewhat mystical.
I didn't love this poem. I think it's much too personal for a piece of literature. No, it's the worst poem I've ever read. And it's not even NEAR being the worst poem I've ever read. It just bothers me a bit, because I couldn't feel a meaning.
I liked your poem "Wishing" much better.
1/25/2006 c1 16brokendreams21
Cool. Nice emphasis. It is really good. Short and sweet. And no rhymes? Yay for freeverse! Very cute poem! Great job!
16brokendreams21Cool. Nice emphasis. It is really good. Short and sweet. And no rhymes? Yay for freeverse! Very cute poem! Great job!
1/25/2006 c1 kdoll
the subliminal message is original... the whole poem is cute.
the subliminal message is original... the whole poem is cute.