for Our Little Secret6/9/2007 c4 hayhay
creepy. can't wait to find out what happens next!
Your Friend HayHay
creepy. can't wait to find out what happens next!
Your Friend HayHay
6/9/2007 c1 hayhay
ah terribly scary but great. y did u write it? is this what you want to do
ah terribly scary but great. y did u write it? is this what you want to do
3/4/2007 c4 Twheart
Hey there- Our little Secret is a great story, Keep it up I cant wait to read the rest.
Rowena
Hey there- Our little Secret is a great story, Keep it up I cant wait to read the rest.
Rowena
11/20/2006 c4 
71Bob Evans
Hmm, interesting. A different approach to how other writors usually sterotype their characters. This character has no idea what to do in a situation like this (which is how any real person would most likely react), thus making the story much more realistic. However, I was a little puzzled why the teacher in question didn't go right to some figure of authority and report Ryan's behavior. Unless...are these kids by any chance in Jr. High or High School?
~Bob Evans
71Bob EvansHmm, interesting. A different approach to how other writors usually sterotype their characters. This character has no idea what to do in a situation like this (which is how any real person would most likely react), thus making the story much more realistic. However, I was a little puzzled why the teacher in question didn't go right to some figure of authority and report Ryan's behavior. Unless...are these kids by any chance in Jr. High or High School?
~Bob Evans
10/9/2006 c4 2twilight-x
I just think your characters could be just a little more human. Example: I'm sure if I was a teacher and was just kidnapped by my student, I would definitely be more shaken up.
But this story is really unique. I've never read anything like it, kudos !
2twilight-xI just think your characters could be just a little more human. Example: I'm sure if I was a teacher and was just kidnapped by my student, I would definitely be more shaken up.
But this story is really unique. I've never read anything like it, kudos !
10/8/2006 c1 10blue.eyes.can.be.deceiving
heavy chapter. really nice. i enjoyed it alot! what i meant by heavy was like boom sort of. but great job, seriously!~Ashlyn~
10blue.eyes.can.be.deceivingheavy chapter. really nice. i enjoyed it alot! what i meant by heavy was like boom sort of. but great job, seriously!~Ashlyn~
10/6/2006 c4 9Sakura Taking
This is such an interesting story. I love the way you've created the suspense at various points. Nice work!
9Sakura TakingThis is such an interesting story. I love the way you've created the suspense at various points. Nice work!
10/3/2006 c1 4Sakka-Fenikkusu
Ooh fascinating beginning. I noticed that sometimes you said things like "I was really scared." You can describe these things in different ways.
Use sentences with forms of 'be' sparingly. You could always say that she felt her knees knocking, or goosebumps materialized on her arms, etc. It just gives a more visual feeling of the emotion.
Good work. I'll be reading more.
-Sakka-Fenikkusu
4Sakka-FenikkusuOoh fascinating beginning. I noticed that sometimes you said things like "I was really scared." You can describe these things in different ways.
Use sentences with forms of 'be' sparingly. You could always say that she felt her knees knocking, or goosebumps materialized on her arms, etc. It just gives a more visual feeling of the emotion.
Good work. I'll be reading more.
-Sakka-Fenikkusu
10/2/2006 c4 13Mortifer Amor Phasmus
Whoa, I just read the first four chapters and I have to say this is a really cool plot line. Creepy nerd turns psycho is something totally original, especially how she is trying to keep it all a secret. Hope she makes it!
13Mortifer Amor PhasmusWhoa, I just read the first four chapters and I have to say this is a really cool plot line. Creepy nerd turns psycho is something totally original, especially how she is trying to keep it all a secret. Hope she makes it!
10/1/2006 c4 16brokendreams21
NO! I just realized that I already reviewed the last chapter. Oopsies. Well, thanks for the review on my poem. Another good chapter. I had nearly forgotten about this story. Nearly. I can't wait to see what happens next. Great job.
16brokendreams21NO! I just realized that I already reviewed the last chapter. Oopsies. Well, thanks for the review on my poem. Another good chapter. I had nearly forgotten about this story. Nearly. I can't wait to see what happens next. Great job.
2/6/2006 c3 Lyn Kinsei
I could've sworn I read and reviewed this chapter... Oh well. That was good. I liked the ending, best. I really can't wait to read more because this is so interesting. I am going to write myself a note that I didn't read and review chapter four yet if I have to. He he! Well, keep up the good writing.Bye for now,Aimee.
I could've sworn I read and reviewed this chapter... Oh well. That was good. I liked the ending, best. I really can't wait to read more because this is so interesting. I am going to write myself a note that I didn't read and review chapter four yet if I have to. He he! Well, keep up the good writing.Bye for now,Aimee.
2/4/2006 c3 random
I loved it. There were 1 or 2 spelling mistakes (I would tell you where, but I lost it!) but nothing distracting. I can't wait util chapter 4!
I loved it. There were 1 or 2 spelling mistakes (I would tell you where, but I lost it!) but nothing distracting. I can't wait util chapter 4!
2/1/2006 c3 HitchSlap
Well, I'm in high school and I can pretty much place you in the same age based on your style. I was kind of hoping for a deeper understand of Ryan's personal situation rather than a superficial "nerd gone nuts" storyline. The number one hindering factor here is the dialogue-it's a bit stale. Real people don't often talk in full, lengthy sentences. Just try and place yourself in your characters' shoes. The idea that I get when I'm reading this is that you, as the author, are pretty distant and detached from the story. Show us that you care about these characters. Good luck.
Well, I'm in high school and I can pretty much place you in the same age based on your style. I was kind of hoping for a deeper understand of Ryan's personal situation rather than a superficial "nerd gone nuts" storyline. The number one hindering factor here is the dialogue-it's a bit stale. Real people don't often talk in full, lengthy sentences. Just try and place yourself in your characters' shoes. The idea that I get when I'm reading this is that you, as the author, are pretty distant and detached from the story. Show us that you care about these characters. Good luck.
1/31/2006 c3 Purple Nailpolish
Hi awsome story keep it going. I know fear the so called "nerds" lol^^Once again great story!Byee!
Hi awsome story keep it going. I know fear the so called "nerds" lol^^Once again great story!Byee!