for Judgement Day12/11/2006 c1 Aisling
I liked this. It was a fun, quick read. I enjoyed your descriptions and the fact that this girl is so set on getting to her class that she doesn't really notice her environment.
You do need to watch out for grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. For instance, the title of this story should only have one 'e' in it. "Judgment Day". No 'e' after the 'g'. Also, you need to place commas after the 'oh no's'. In the third paragraph from the top the first sentence reads: The clock said 10:23. A clock cannot say anything. The correct way to say this would be: The clock read 10:23.
Otherwise, this was entertaining. I would like to see you write more to it.
I liked this. It was a fun, quick read. I enjoyed your descriptions and the fact that this girl is so set on getting to her class that she doesn't really notice her environment.
You do need to watch out for grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. For instance, the title of this story should only have one 'e' in it. "Judgment Day". No 'e' after the 'g'. Also, you need to place commas after the 'oh no's'. In the third paragraph from the top the first sentence reads: The clock said 10:23. A clock cannot say anything. The correct way to say this would be: The clock read 10:23.
Otherwise, this was entertaining. I would like to see you write more to it.
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