for Centauri11/8/2008 c4 
1speak
Well, I just noticed that this story hasn't been updated in about a year... I guess I can forget that thought about watching for updates then, huh? At any rate, I did really like this, even if it is dead... Whoops.
1speakWell, I just noticed that this story hasn't been updated in about a year... I guess I can forget that thought about watching for updates then, huh? At any rate, I did really like this, even if it is dead... Whoops.
11/8/2008 c5 speak
I liked this a lot. It moves at a great pace, and your characters, (especially the underworld crowd) work brilliantly. Jack is sometimes the exception to this; for the main character of this story (assuming he's the main character because of the prologue) it seems that you neglect him at times. I'm not saying I dislike him or anything, but you could just do a bit more to help us get to know him more. But you're only 5 chapters in, so I guess you've still got plenty of time to get to that...
Anyway, your writing style and natural sounding dialogue (including the dialects you write in for Will and Paddy- usually I find this annoying but you nailed the accents, and it actually flows very well) moves this along at a nice pace, and suits the story very well. Gotta commend you about all that technical stuff about anti-matter and whatnot, as well as your knowledge of guns... you sound like you know exactly what you're describing, so well done on that.
Is a flachette a real weapon? It sounds cool... Anyhow, I'll be watching this for updates. Nice job.
I liked this a lot. It moves at a great pace, and your characters, (especially the underworld crowd) work brilliantly. Jack is sometimes the exception to this; for the main character of this story (assuming he's the main character because of the prologue) it seems that you neglect him at times. I'm not saying I dislike him or anything, but you could just do a bit more to help us get to know him more. But you're only 5 chapters in, so I guess you've still got plenty of time to get to that...
Anyway, your writing style and natural sounding dialogue (including the dialects you write in for Will and Paddy- usually I find this annoying but you nailed the accents, and it actually flows very well) moves this along at a nice pace, and suits the story very well. Gotta commend you about all that technical stuff about anti-matter and whatnot, as well as your knowledge of guns... you sound like you know exactly what you're describing, so well done on that.
Is a flachette a real weapon? It sounds cool... Anyhow, I'll be watching this for updates. Nice job.
2/24/2006 c3 3Coffin Guardian
Nice. Love'd the short little fight with the gangsters, and Will's stunt with what I'm assuming was WD-40 was pretty funny too. Keep it up!
3Coffin GuardianNice. Love'd the short little fight with the gangsters, and Will's stunt with what I'm assuming was WD-40 was pretty funny too. Keep it up!
2/12/2006 c2 Asa
Great story. The Cusp world idea is totally unique by anyone's standards. In a perfect world, this'd work. The reference to the Olmecs is unique in itself. The one problem I really have with it isn't exactly mine, but it could be another's in the future. When the spacer mentions the Olmecs for the first time, have Jack say something like, "Olmecs? I thought they just made those giant stone heads and just stopped existing." then have the spacer go on on some rant on how they became masters of space travel and took whatever traces of their civilization with them. Other than that, it's a great read.
Great story. The Cusp world idea is totally unique by anyone's standards. In a perfect world, this'd work. The reference to the Olmecs is unique in itself. The one problem I really have with it isn't exactly mine, but it could be another's in the future. When the spacer mentions the Olmecs for the first time, have Jack say something like, "Olmecs? I thought they just made those giant stone heads and just stopped existing." then have the spacer go on on some rant on how they became masters of space travel and took whatever traces of their civilization with them. Other than that, it's a great read.
2/9/2006 c2 Coffin Guardian
This is a fairly interesting start, though I do wonder how Jack learned to pick locks if his family spent the better part of their time in the mines. I know you'll probably get to that later, but I still felt like bringing it up.
This is a fairly interesting start, though I do wonder how Jack learned to pick locks if his family spent the better part of their time in the mines. I know you'll probably get to that later, but I still felt like bringing it up.