for Corporate Messiah4/12/2007 c1 disabled account
Intriguing. The poem told a well-written, original, consistent, and focus-maintaining story - with the perfect denoument to a buildup of doubts. Quite nice, indeed. Adieu, Kat
Intriguing. The poem told a well-written, original, consistent, and focus-maintaining story - with the perfect denoument to a buildup of doubts. Quite nice, indeed. Adieu, Kat
3/26/2006 c1 
13Jecai
People wishing so badly for deliverance, for moksha, they don't see they're part of the system. Happiness isn't an object one can acquire, isn't arcane. When you stop searching, it will find you.
If you meet the buddha on the road, kill him.
You're on my favorites; keep writing!
13JecaiPeople wishing so badly for deliverance, for moksha, they don't see they're part of the system. Happiness isn't an object one can acquire, isn't arcane. When you stop searching, it will find you.
If you meet the buddha on the road, kill him.
You're on my favorites; keep writing!
2/20/2006 c1 hoowdoideletethisaccount
Hey there. Thanks for the review.
You're a good poet, and, it would seem, a pretty insightful person. I found this poem interesting, especially the mixture of religious ideas and concepts-like this guy is more than a little confused, torn in a couple directions, wanting something but he's not sure what.
"You preached Nirvana. / I hate myself and I want to die. / I told you to listen to happy songs." I found this funny, after the comment "You thought I was shallow. / I thought you were deep." Why do we think people are wise because they won't smile and like to talk about dying? It's kind of strange. It's like it's a prerequisate for respect. Like if someone is intelligent, they're above being happy. Kinda wierd. (Bit of a rabbit trail, I know; but your poem was making me think. :) )
I love the last two lines. They wrap everything up. And they're perfect, after the mention of Aladdin.
Hey there. Thanks for the review.
You're a good poet, and, it would seem, a pretty insightful person. I found this poem interesting, especially the mixture of religious ideas and concepts-like this guy is more than a little confused, torn in a couple directions, wanting something but he's not sure what.
"You preached Nirvana. / I hate myself and I want to die. / I told you to listen to happy songs." I found this funny, after the comment "You thought I was shallow. / I thought you were deep." Why do we think people are wise because they won't smile and like to talk about dying? It's kind of strange. It's like it's a prerequisate for respect. Like if someone is intelligent, they're above being happy. Kinda wierd. (Bit of a rabbit trail, I know; but your poem was making me think. :) )
I love the last two lines. They wrap everything up. And they're perfect, after the mention of Aladdin.
2/19/2006 c1 200the big sleep
again, beautiful poem. again, wonderful imagery. all worth it for the last two lines- they're perfect, and sum up the piece beautifully. i dig your style.
200the big sleepagain, beautiful poem. again, wonderful imagery. all worth it for the last two lines- they're perfect, and sum up the piece beautifully. i dig your style.
2/14/2006 c1 12eighteen hundred
This is amazing. The one thing I might suggest is breaking the lines up a little more. The tone of the piece just seems more slowed down, resonating, than the longer lines seem to be portraying, if that makes sense. But awesome as is; going on my favorites. Good stuff.
12eighteen hundredThis is amazing. The one thing I might suggest is breaking the lines up a little more. The tone of the piece just seems more slowed down, resonating, than the longer lines seem to be portraying, if that makes sense. But awesome as is; going on my favorites. Good stuff.
2/9/2006 c1 the naked civil servant
oh my fucking god. favourites? this reminded me of... me? ohsopretentious but so naively hopeful behind a facade of intellectualism and... oh how i hate myself for identifying. blew me away.
oh my fucking god. favourites? this reminded me of... me? ohsopretentious but so naively hopeful behind a facade of intellectualism and... oh how i hate myself for identifying. blew me away.
2/9/2006 c1 36Akhenaten
wow, that is totally awesome. Seriously, one of the best I've read on this site. and ever. you really capture the essence of whatever it is you're trying to capture.. good job.
36Akhenatenwow, that is totally awesome. Seriously, one of the best I've read on this site. and ever. you really capture the essence of whatever it is you're trying to capture.. good job.
2/9/2006 c1 hey maria
"that I was your dalai lama, that youcould be my Buddha, and that we’d live together/in a state of permanent enlightenment. You/gave me your chemically induced hand, asked/if I trusted you, Aladdin."
Fucking wow. + favorites
"that I was your dalai lama, that youcould be my Buddha, and that we’d live together/in a state of permanent enlightenment. You/gave me your chemically induced hand, asked/if I trusted you, Aladdin."
Fucking wow. + favorites
2/9/2006 c1 33forsakensmile
This is great. The references (to religion, music etc.) overcrowd a bit, but that's likely to be on purpose.
33forsakensmileThis is great. The references (to religion, music etc.) overcrowd a bit, but that's likely to be on purpose.