for abortion of filth3/1/2009 c1 Ruby
A good concept, but it feels like style over substance. Both the imagery and action is confused and mixed. The words lose their impact because they're all so emotive that there's no time to build up tension. I think you could tighten it up, maybe extend it so that the metaphors aren't crowding each other? Overall, though, this is a pretty neat piece! I like the "induction-to-corruption"; you have a really good ear for sounds.
A good concept, but it feels like style over substance. Both the imagery and action is confused and mixed. The words lose their impact because they're all so emotive that there's no time to build up tension. I think you could tighten it up, maybe extend it so that the metaphors aren't crowding each other? Overall, though, this is a pretty neat piece! I like the "induction-to-corruption"; you have a really good ear for sounds.
3/27/2006 c1 
45TheUnabomber
i have one word for this. damn... this is good very deep... i will jus say this damn you have talent
45TheUnabomberi have one word for this. damn... this is good very deep... i will jus say this damn you have talent
3/2/2006 c1 59HellHeartedlyBent
i'm all up for multiple parenthese, but having too much of them can ruin the effect. the first half is to die for however. really liked it, and very nice imagery, wow.
59HellHeartedlyBenti'm all up for multiple parenthese, but having too much of them can ruin the effect. the first half is to die for however. really liked it, and very nice imagery, wow.
2/25/2006 c1 116searchlight
Oh, wow. That poem covers a lot of pain in many different ways doesn't it? I really liked your style of writing-very different, very edgy.
-searchlight
116searchlightOh, wow. That poem covers a lot of pain in many different ways doesn't it? I really liked your style of writing-very different, very edgy.
-searchlight
2/25/2006 c1 85Margot Tenenbaum
o i adore the format of this.the way you juxtapose words is truly admirable.:)
85Margot Tenenbaumo i adore the format of this.the way you juxtapose words is truly admirable.:)
2/18/2006 c1 77by His blood
wow. just ... amazing. like all of your (incredible) writing. i wish i could write like this, i really do. i can't ... just wow. wow.
77by His bloodwow. just ... amazing. like all of your (incredible) writing. i wish i could write like this, i really do. i can't ... just wow. wow.
2/17/2006 c1 132mizu no kokoro
wow... the language in this was powerful and profound... really provokes certain emotions~ awesome work!
keep writing!
132mizu no kokorowow... the language in this was powerful and profound... really provokes certain emotions~ awesome work!
keep writing!
2/17/2006 c1 124in theory
The smaller stanza is yummy, and the larger deep enough to get lost in (which is good, very). Nice job.
124in theoryThe smaller stanza is yummy, and the larger deep enough to get lost in (which is good, very). Nice job.
2/16/2006 c1 90poetic abortion
[i am so sorry i didn't review this! really, i am.]
i lovelovelove the title. not only is it awesome but you mention Hitler, who is so disgusting but has the hottest mustach (i am weird) and is such a terrible plague to befoul such beauty. how can you do it? i had a little beef with the format (mostly because i had to squint the whole time without my glasses [which are in the shop] and i am blind as a bat, or very bad-sighted grandparent) but otherwise i just love it. your poetry rocks, period. (ilovethis.ilovethis.ilovethis.)
~* noelle
90poetic abortion[i am so sorry i didn't review this! really, i am.]
i lovelovelove the title. not only is it awesome but you mention Hitler, who is so disgusting but has the hottest mustach (i am weird) and is such a terrible plague to befoul such beauty. how can you do it? i had a little beef with the format (mostly because i had to squint the whole time without my glasses [which are in the shop] and i am blind as a bat, or very bad-sighted grandparent) but otherwise i just love it. your poetry rocks, period. (ilovethis.ilovethis.ilovethis.)
~* noelle
2/15/2006 c1 ii
I like your words. I don't like your style. That doesn't mean anything to you, of course, but I wanted to say it.
If I could see your poetry without all the formatting (and I admit I have pasted it into KWrite before), it would be beautiful. It would sound good in my mind. For me, the formatting takes all the meaning out of the poem, as if you're trying to disguise its inherent beauty.
Trust the words.
I like your words. I don't like your style. That doesn't mean anything to you, of course, but I wanted to say it.
If I could see your poetry without all the formatting (and I admit I have pasted it into KWrite before), it would be beautiful. It would sound good in my mind. For me, the formatting takes all the meaning out of the poem, as if you're trying to disguise its inherent beauty.
Trust the words.
2/14/2006 c1 liz
Is it really about abortion? I don't think it is, but it can be read as if it is or isn't. I love this line: 'r'sunsdying(?) because you always write everything with more than one meaning and that style is beautiful. "Are suns dying(?)" or "Our sun's dying(?)" I love the allusion to Hitler and I think your writing gets better and better, which is impossible but still true.
Is it really about abortion? I don't think it is, but it can be read as if it is or isn't. I love this line: 'r'sunsdying(?) because you always write everything with more than one meaning and that style is beautiful. "Are suns dying(?)" or "Our sun's dying(?)" I love the allusion to Hitler and I think your writing gets better and better, which is impossible but still true.