for Heaven6/8/2006 c4 
39CynicalValentine98
Usually I try to stay away from things that pertain to God or heaven or religious stuff (we'll just overlook my story 'Heaven and Hell' shall we? Good.), but I like this. It's interesting. But what's with the key bit. I'm curious about that. And Yallekia sounds like a bitch and "Him" sounds like well... I don't like him, lol. Seems too 'bow down to me or I'll totally have my daughter kick your ass'. That could just be me though... And the heaven... kind of creepy. Then again I always considered something that was paradise and "perfect" creepy (my little "happy" place in my mind, you know the place they tell you to go to meditate or whatever, was always attacked my ninjas in black). Way to Twilight Zone for me thank you. Anyways this is interesting. Hope to read more soon.
39CynicalValentine98Usually I try to stay away from things that pertain to God or heaven or religious stuff (we'll just overlook my story 'Heaven and Hell' shall we? Good.), but I like this. It's interesting. But what's with the key bit. I'm curious about that. And Yallekia sounds like a bitch and "Him" sounds like well... I don't like him, lol. Seems too 'bow down to me or I'll totally have my daughter kick your ass'. That could just be me though... And the heaven... kind of creepy. Then again I always considered something that was paradise and "perfect" creepy (my little "happy" place in my mind, you know the place they tell you to go to meditate or whatever, was always attacked my ninjas in black). Way to Twilight Zone for me thank you. Anyways this is interesting. Hope to read more soon.
6/6/2006 c4 greg
i think this hole story is brilliant n so r the ovas so keep it goin
i think this hole story is brilliant n so r the ovas so keep it goin
6/5/2006 c4 22IAmPwnSizzle
always end a chapter with the words "oh bugger", it brightens it up a notch. very good, especialy the part about a manic hand-dismembering killer! w00t again!
22IAmPwnSizzlealways end a chapter with the words "oh bugger", it brightens it up a notch. very good, especialy the part about a manic hand-dismembering killer! w00t again!
5/25/2006 c3 24Thomas Maplewood
This one's a little shorter because there's not much i could crteaque (is that spelled right?) I thought this chapter was really cool, and i expecially liked it when she looked through the wall at the person. Keep up the good work, it's on my favorite stories list.
24Thomas MaplewoodThis one's a little shorter because there's not much i could crteaque (is that spelled right?) I thought this chapter was really cool, and i expecially liked it when she looked through the wall at the person. Keep up the good work, it's on my favorite stories list.
5/8/2006 c1 3JJJflef
i luv your story dark yet funny i was chocking on my own blood should be upsettin but it made me laugh out loud
3JJJflefi luv your story dark yet funny i was chocking on my own blood should be upsettin but it made me laugh out loud
3/10/2006 c3 22IAmPwnSizzle
i like the idea of gd not being all goody two sjoes..gtg got an apoinment with a mister lucifer Satan Beelzebub!
22IAmPwnSizzlei like the idea of gd not being all goody two sjoes..gtg got an apoinment with a mister lucifer Satan Beelzebub!
2/22/2006 c2 24Thomas Maplewood
Very good potential. I thought that the first chapter started off the way that it should, not to slow, not to fast, and I can see a lot of potential in the concept. My suggestion is to not make it really religious because some people of different religions might get a little tired of reading about a "different religion." I once read a story with a different religion premise then mine and that was how i felt. If you have ever read The Wish List, by Eoin Colfer, he exicuted that perfectly with nothing really religious. I can kind of see though the story line a bit, though i see through those all the time, but if you can think of a good plot with a lot of twists, and you'll blow your readers away.Awesome writing.Keep up the good work
24Thomas MaplewoodVery good potential. I thought that the first chapter started off the way that it should, not to slow, not to fast, and I can see a lot of potential in the concept. My suggestion is to not make it really religious because some people of different religions might get a little tired of reading about a "different religion." I once read a story with a different religion premise then mine and that was how i felt. If you have ever read The Wish List, by Eoin Colfer, he exicuted that perfectly with nothing really religious. I can kind of see though the story line a bit, though i see through those all the time, but if you can think of a good plot with a lot of twists, and you'll blow your readers away.Awesome writing.Keep up the good work
2/22/2006 c2 22IAmPwnSizzle
very good i like the idea of sniffer dogs...but no drugs in heaven! id rather die! wait a minute...
22IAmPwnSizzlevery good i like the idea of sniffer dogs...but no drugs in heaven! id rather die! wait a minute...