for The Ingrate's Progress3/31/2006 c1 Cedric Quilfeather
This definitely reads like a parable, and that's not a bad thing. I like the style here. It's quite entertaining.
"Both of his wife and daughter were concerned and tried to make him feel better." The grammatical awkwardness of this sentence could be alleviated if you removed the word "of."
"Then he went to the story to get some more." Do you mean to say story here, or do you intend "store"?
"He was perfectly having being miserable." I think you mean "perfectly happy." ^_^
So simple, and yet so true, and of course, the truest truths are the simplest truths! Well done! *Claps.*
This definitely reads like a parable, and that's not a bad thing. I like the style here. It's quite entertaining.
"Both of his wife and daughter were concerned and tried to make him feel better." The grammatical awkwardness of this sentence could be alleviated if you removed the word "of."
"Then he went to the story to get some more." Do you mean to say story here, or do you intend "store"?
"He was perfectly having being miserable." I think you mean "perfectly happy." ^_^
So simple, and yet so true, and of course, the truest truths are the simplest truths! Well done! *Claps.*
2/26/2006 c1 XXXXX XXXX XX XXXX XXXXX XXXXX
Wow, this is not only funny, but also a very deep piece (I assume you realize I'm not talking about depth of water or anything). All I can say is good job.
Wow.
Wow, this is not only funny, but also a very deep piece (I assume you realize I'm not talking about depth of water or anything). All I can say is good job.
Wow.
2/19/2006 c1 
16RuathaWehrling
Hi there! Thanks for your review. I'll email you an answer to your grammar question after I do my return review here. For now, I'll just comment as I read.
1.) "Once in my life, I fell asleep" - You've only fallen asleep ONCE ever? That's what you're saying here!
2.) "So day by day, he moaned. “Oh, woe is me.”" - Make that period after "moaned" a comma, please.
3.) "Both of his wife and daughter" - You don't need "of" here.
4.) "Yes, I was woed" - This just sounds weird. I don't know if you can use "woed" like this...
5.) "I also stop thinking of myself 24/7..." - In this sentence, you want to use "stopped", since it's in the past that he stopped thinking of these things.
Well, that was rather depressing. Still, you made a good point. I would suggest filling out the ending a little more, but that's just me. It seemed to stop a litle abruptly. As an added note, the title of this confuses me. It doesn't seem like Angsty makes much progress at all!
Good job writing this! Keep it up! -Ruatha
16RuathaWehrlingHi there! Thanks for your review. I'll email you an answer to your grammar question after I do my return review here. For now, I'll just comment as I read.
1.) "Once in my life, I fell asleep" - You've only fallen asleep ONCE ever? That's what you're saying here!
2.) "So day by day, he moaned. “Oh, woe is me.”" - Make that period after "moaned" a comma, please.
3.) "Both of his wife and daughter" - You don't need "of" here.
4.) "Yes, I was woed" - This just sounds weird. I don't know if you can use "woed" like this...
5.) "I also stop thinking of myself 24/7..." - In this sentence, you want to use "stopped", since it's in the past that he stopped thinking of these things.
Well, that was rather depressing. Still, you made a good point. I would suggest filling out the ending a little more, but that's just me. It seemed to stop a litle abruptly. As an added note, the title of this confuses me. It doesn't seem like Angsty makes much progress at all!
Good job writing this! Keep it up! -Ruatha
2/18/2006 c1 1Saucy McRascal
This is really neat. It kinda has the the otherworldly feeling of the 19th century omniscient narrator, which contrasts with the "modern subject" it deals with.
Heck, what do I know? But I did honestly like this story. Good job.
1Saucy McRascalThis is really neat. It kinda has the the otherworldly feeling of the 19th century omniscient narrator, which contrasts with the "modern subject" it deals with.
Heck, what do I know? But I did honestly like this story. Good job.
2/14/2006 c1 19Kat-Renee Kittel
This was too funny and an excellant parable at the same time...
Well Done!
(and your poem is in my column, now... thanks for letting me share it.)
^..^
19Kat-Renee KittelThis was too funny and an excellant parable at the same time...
Well Done!
(and your poem is in my column, now... thanks for letting me share it.)
^..^