for The Madman Diaries, Junior6/1/2006 c2 
3Xabelle
I expected another one of your mysterious short-story-type-Madman-Diaries and instead got this. :D It was a pleasant surprise to be met with a contemporary piece. I love our bands, although Hale and Hilera are not exactly my favorites. :P The lead man in your story's pretty funny. Most lead singers come off as the I-don't-give-a-damn type, but this one was kind of pathetic (in a good way). The girl, on the other hand, is a mystery. What happened in the church was weird. No, forget weird. It was downright creepy! I mean, if somebody was staring at me with a smile and then commits suicide, I'd be really freaked out. :P
Anyway, keep it up! :)
3XabelleI expected another one of your mysterious short-story-type-Madman-Diaries and instead got this. :D It was a pleasant surprise to be met with a contemporary piece. I love our bands, although Hale and Hilera are not exactly my favorites. :P The lead man in your story's pretty funny. Most lead singers come off as the I-don't-give-a-damn type, but this one was kind of pathetic (in a good way). The girl, on the other hand, is a mystery. What happened in the church was weird. No, forget weird. It was downright creepy! I mean, if somebody was staring at me with a smile and then commits suicide, I'd be really freaked out. :P
Anyway, keep it up! :)
4/15/2006 c1 Kitten Lemonade
thanks for the reviews! I liked this, especially how not-cheesy his thoughts were, LOVELY!
thanks for the reviews! I liked this, especially how not-cheesy his thoughts were, LOVELY!
4/4/2006 c1 4run rabbit run
great little slice. i liked the way it ended a lot. kinda funny in a way. again, i was side-tracked by trying to pronounce the Filipino words (i apologize if i misread the other story as Japanese when it wasn't... it sounded like Japanese to me but what do i know.) cheers-rabbit
4run rabbit rungreat little slice. i liked the way it ended a lot. kinda funny in a way. again, i was side-tracked by trying to pronounce the Filipino words (i apologize if i misread the other story as Japanese when it wasn't... it sounded like Japanese to me but what do i know.) cheers-rabbit
2/27/2006 c1 Quaviver
Hey, a Valentine piece.
You've done something different here, I think. I like this kid. He's so brash, so alive, so humorously irreverent. He's got attitude (I'm damn straight, dude!). Very refreshingly unlike the melancholia-afflicted guys you usually write about (not that melancholia is a bad thing, really). His frustration at being stuck on a stage and limited to staring at this girl he liked was hilarious, and sweet. I felt how he was singing his heart out to her, trying to reach out to her in the only way available to him. I sympathized with his compulsion to get her to sing along with him. It was such an authentic, genuine scenario, I got the feeling it could happen to me or someone I know. If I ever became the lead singer of a famous band, that is.
A little typo. In the song, I'm pretty sure "you're eyes" should be "your eyes." And check your tenses, hon! It's not that obvious, but you slipped into present tense at the end and somewhere during the song. My general suggestion is maybe you could shorten the song, so you could preserve the moving, kinetic, fast-paced feeling that you've laudably kept up most of the way throughout your story. Keep only the really strong emotional passages that occurred during the song, and the whole thing would come out much more powerful. All in my humble opinion, of course.
Just wondering now, why did you include this in your Madman Diaries? It's not much like the previous ones. I'm not clear on what happened at the end too. But now that I think of it, the open-endedness adds a sense of the sinister... Very mysterious. I suppose I just answered my own question. ^_^
Lots of fishy-love, Quavi
Hey, a Valentine piece.
You've done something different here, I think. I like this kid. He's so brash, so alive, so humorously irreverent. He's got attitude (I'm damn straight, dude!). Very refreshingly unlike the melancholia-afflicted guys you usually write about (not that melancholia is a bad thing, really). His frustration at being stuck on a stage and limited to staring at this girl he liked was hilarious, and sweet. I felt how he was singing his heart out to her, trying to reach out to her in the only way available to him. I sympathized with his compulsion to get her to sing along with him. It was such an authentic, genuine scenario, I got the feeling it could happen to me or someone I know. If I ever became the lead singer of a famous band, that is.
A little typo. In the song, I'm pretty sure "you're eyes" should be "your eyes." And check your tenses, hon! It's not that obvious, but you slipped into present tense at the end and somewhere during the song. My general suggestion is maybe you could shorten the song, so you could preserve the moving, kinetic, fast-paced feeling that you've laudably kept up most of the way throughout your story. Keep only the really strong emotional passages that occurred during the song, and the whole thing would come out much more powerful. All in my humble opinion, of course.
Just wondering now, why did you include this in your Madman Diaries? It's not much like the previous ones. I'm not clear on what happened at the end too. But now that I think of it, the open-endedness adds a sense of the sinister... Very mysterious. I suppose I just answered my own question. ^_^
Lots of fishy-love, Quavi