for Just How Strange Are Strangers?2/25/2006 c3 
10Bressa
who is chuck? i've been trying to figure it out, but you've stumped me! you must tell me!
10Bressawho is chuck? i've been trying to figure it out, but you've stumped me! you must tell me!
2/24/2006 c2 14CK Shorty
After that cliffhanger, of course I would be back. Still good and Chuck is definately creepy..
CK
14CK ShortyAfter that cliffhanger, of course I would be back. Still good and Chuck is definately creepy..
CK
2/24/2006 c1 CK Shorty
OH, I LIKE this (sorry, caps were on). And the cliffhanger was really good. I didn't catch any mistakes and the description was really good, so keep up the good work :)!
CK
OH, I LIKE this (sorry, caps were on). And the cliffhanger was really good. I didn't catch any mistakes and the description was really good, so keep up the good work :)!
CK
2/23/2006 c2 10Bressa
hmm...intriguing. i wonder who "chuck" really is.
if i were writing this, i probably wouldn't even know who "chuck" was yet, anyways. that's why i'm a bad mystery author. but this is really good, way better than what i could do! keep it up!
10Bressahmm...intriguing. i wonder who "chuck" really is.
if i were writing this, i probably wouldn't even know who "chuck" was yet, anyways. that's why i'm a bad mystery author. but this is really good, way better than what i could do! keep it up!
2/20/2006 c2 2CrypticIdentity
Dude. Keep going. I'm hooked. Although you could probably just combine both chapters into one, since there isn't really much division between them.
Seriously, though, this is really interesting so far. You could go into a greater description of Chuck when he sits down at the table with George. But that's up to you; it's fine the way it is. Keep it up!
-CI
2CrypticIdentityDude. Keep going. I'm hooked. Although you could probably just combine both chapters into one, since there isn't really much division between them.
Seriously, though, this is really interesting so far. You could go into a greater description of Chuck when he sits down at the table with George. But that's up to you; it's fine the way it is. Keep it up!
-CI
2/18/2006 c1 lrspt1109aol.com
It's pretty good, but I think through the whole part of dialouge, you can explain their expressuion or tone a bit more. I liked it... it does seem a bit hard to continue it, but I'll see how it turns out when you update it.
It's pretty good, but I think through the whole part of dialouge, you can explain their expressuion or tone a bit more. I liked it... it does seem a bit hard to continue it, but I'll see how it turns out when you update it.
2/16/2006 c1 1hired
Very hard to comprehend.
In the first paragraph, you skipped hours within a clause, and using two words (coffee, was what you used), in a sentence and then the subsequent one, seem to clash.
I find it hard to believe that the "stranger" pushed through George. So far, the first chapter has been very badly written. Sorry, but I don't mean to lash out at you, but you skipped many chances for detail, and the stranger and his motive for talking to George is highly unlikely and very hard to believe.
Revise it about.
Also, I don't know HOW you are going to continue with this, but it'll be interesting to see how it's done.
1hiredVery hard to comprehend.
In the first paragraph, you skipped hours within a clause, and using two words (coffee, was what you used), in a sentence and then the subsequent one, seem to clash.
I find it hard to believe that the "stranger" pushed through George. So far, the first chapter has been very badly written. Sorry, but I don't mean to lash out at you, but you skipped many chances for detail, and the stranger and his motive for talking to George is highly unlikely and very hard to believe.
Revise it about.
Also, I don't know HOW you are going to continue with this, but it'll be interesting to see how it's done.