for History Made, Monsters Chosen2/26/2006 c2 Mintelwerke
Eh, ''Victory'' is needlessly capitalized. Try ''Their armies were quite sizable, but he knew they needed to build up their ranks even further. He knew it was vital to build up their numbers, because they were microscopic in comparison to massive armies they were about to face'' instead of: The army appeared huge, but he knew that it was vital they built up their numbers, which were miniscule in comparison to the mass scale of armies they were to face.
Instead of ''subconsciously'', why not ''unconsciously''?
Otherwise, again, very interesting chapter, if a little on the short side.
Eh, ''Victory'' is needlessly capitalized. Try ''Their armies were quite sizable, but he knew they needed to build up their ranks even further. He knew it was vital to build up their numbers, because they were microscopic in comparison to massive armies they were about to face'' instead of: The army appeared huge, but he knew that it was vital they built up their numbers, which were miniscule in comparison to the mass scale of armies they were to face.
Instead of ''subconsciously'', why not ''unconsciously''?
Otherwise, again, very interesting chapter, if a little on the short side.
2/26/2006 c1 Mintelwerke
Nice, but just a suggestions. While both parts were pretty well written, it seems like it would be better if you actually switched around the order of both sections of this chapter. Otherwise, very intriguing.
Thanks for the reviews.
Nice, but just a suggestions. While both parts were pretty well written, it seems like it would be better if you actually switched around the order of both sections of this chapter. Otherwise, very intriguing.
Thanks for the reviews.
2/26/2006 c2 
3Liquid Block of Fire
i do like how your story is going, maybe on the second chapter, try to space it out more..it's more attractive and easier to read then.. good start keep goin
3Liquid Block of Firei do like how your story is going, maybe on the second chapter, try to space it out more..it's more attractive and easier to read then.. good start keep goin