for The Capture9/4/2012 c1 
9MagicWords
What a cliffie. I know this is a oneshot, but you should not end it there! I want to know what happens! I can only imagine, but I still want to know!
9MagicWordsWhat a cliffie. I know this is a oneshot, but you should not end it there! I want to know what happens! I can only imagine, but I still want to know!
12/22/2009 c1 anonymous
the summary says one-shot. yet this is a cliffhanger. And this a good kidnapped story. One of the few. That I desperately crave to read. Update soon please.
the summary says one-shot. yet this is a cliffhanger. And this a good kidnapped story. One of the few. That I desperately crave to read. Update soon please.
4/12/2006 c1 Princess JoJo
ok, WHY DID YOU END IT THERE? now its going to bug me until you update! please do it soon! i like the way you write. keep it up!
ok, WHY DID YOU END IT THERE? now its going to bug me until you update! please do it soon! i like the way you write. keep it up!
3/25/2006 c1 the bluest eye
o, please you have to write more. its no fair you have a great first chapter and then thats it. you have to write more,please.
o, please you have to write more. its no fair you have a great first chapter and then thats it. you have to write more,please.
3/25/2006 c1 46Lavender L. C
Okay, I was on the edge of my seat through the whole thing. You definitely got the suspense thing going for you. Well, keep it up! ;)
46Lavender L. COkay, I was on the edge of my seat through the whole thing. You definitely got the suspense thing going for you. Well, keep it up! ;)
3/25/2006 c1 ladededa
this story is great so far! there were a couple mistakes but no biggie =D. cant wait for another update!
this story is great so far! there were a couple mistakes but no biggie =D. cant wait for another update!
3/25/2006 c1 eventer2
The tone in your story is absolutley unbelievable. You can feel the tension adn fear, I cant wait to read more! The only grammatical thing I noticed was that on some quotes there is a period instead of a comma. I can't wait to see where this will go!
The tone in your story is absolutley unbelievable. You can feel the tension adn fear, I cant wait to read more! The only grammatical thing I noticed was that on some quotes there is a period instead of a comma. I can't wait to see where this will go!
3/19/2006 c1 6McQuinn
Criticism:
He gripped her chin and lifted up her face. Though the action was quite gentle - If the action was gentle, I'm not sure if "gripped" is the correct word to use.
“Is she the one?” Her initial captors had asked. - "Is she the one?" her initial captors had asked.
She’s just like her father.” He sneered, as he keen eyes pierced through hers and into her heart. - "She's just like her father," he sneered, as his keen eyes...
taking slow, graceful steps that seem to equate - seemed.
“You poor thing.” He whispered as - "You poor thing," he whispered as...
The leader had called him “Jackal” she suddenly remembered. - missing comma after "Jackal."
I liked this. It seems different from the rest of the stories that I've read on fictionpress. I wish this had been a little longer, however, because I only got to see a glimpse of the real, plottier story. I'm curious about this "Black Wolf" gang - they all seem to have the same characteristics: Wolf-like eyes, malicious grins, gentle touches. Seeing that it's a romance, I'd be interested to find out who she will become involved with, Jackal or the ring leader. Anyway, this is intriguing, so I'll keep reading once you continue to update.
-McQuinn
6McQuinnCriticism:
He gripped her chin and lifted up her face. Though the action was quite gentle - If the action was gentle, I'm not sure if "gripped" is the correct word to use.
“Is she the one?” Her initial captors had asked. - "Is she the one?" her initial captors had asked.
She’s just like her father.” He sneered, as he keen eyes pierced through hers and into her heart. - "She's just like her father," he sneered, as his keen eyes...
taking slow, graceful steps that seem to equate - seemed.
“You poor thing.” He whispered as - "You poor thing," he whispered as...
The leader had called him “Jackal” she suddenly remembered. - missing comma after "Jackal."
I liked this. It seems different from the rest of the stories that I've read on fictionpress. I wish this had been a little longer, however, because I only got to see a glimpse of the real, plottier story. I'm curious about this "Black Wolf" gang - they all seem to have the same characteristics: Wolf-like eyes, malicious grins, gentle touches. Seeing that it's a romance, I'd be interested to find out who she will become involved with, Jackal or the ring leader. Anyway, this is intriguing, so I'll keep reading once you continue to update.
-McQuinn
3/19/2006 c1 Ali
AH! what happens? oh!
AH! what happens? oh!
3/3/2006 c1 2Rose-Rayne
WHERE IS THE REST? You so don't end a chapter there! LOL. Don't mind me I need anger managment.
This is good. Really good. I hope you update soon.
The E-Queen,^.~ Rae
2Rose-RayneWHERE IS THE REST? You so don't end a chapter there! LOL. Don't mind me I need anger managment.
This is good. Really good. I hope you update soon.
The E-Queen,^.~ Rae
3/1/2006 c1 A Beautiful Nightmare
Hello. Yay! I'm the first to review! This is such an awesome story. You had a bit of mistakes, probably due to haste or weariness but overall it was great! Nothing major to correct. From a rating of 1-10, I would say it was a 9 because of the minor mistakes. Woohoo! Keep it up! I'll be reading more of your future works!
Hello. Yay! I'm the first to review! This is such an awesome story. You had a bit of mistakes, probably due to haste or weariness but overall it was great! Nothing major to correct. From a rating of 1-10, I would say it was a 9 because of the minor mistakes. Woohoo! Keep it up! I'll be reading more of your future works!