for Cafe Hawking3/1/2006 c1 
2saccharine lust aerial
i like it... very raunchy and latenight (false)hopes. though, and someone told me this once, that it wasn't the best idea to do caps. it places too much attention on those specific words.but otherwise, great poem. keep writing.
2saccharine lust aeriali like it... very raunchy and latenight (false)hopes. though, and someone told me this once, that it wasn't the best idea to do caps. it places too much attention on those specific words.but otherwise, great poem. keep writing.
3/1/2006 c1 crazy dog events
i think you were too ambitious- all your little spacing tricks overwhelmed the piece. I felt like you'd put them in randomly- they don't seem to add significance to the piece.
It was, however, a pleasant read, and I think that it would be quite something if you toned it down a bit.
I love he fact that you've done a hopper poem; A favorite poet of mine, Dorriane Laux, did a series of them, which (Ithink) are published in her book 'What We Carry.'
Keep at it.
-pictographic.love
i think you were too ambitious- all your little spacing tricks overwhelmed the piece. I felt like you'd put them in randomly- they don't seem to add significance to the piece.
It was, however, a pleasant read, and I think that it would be quite something if you toned it down a bit.
I love he fact that you've done a hopper poem; A favorite poet of mine, Dorriane Laux, did a series of them, which (Ithink) are published in her book 'What We Carry.'
Keep at it.
-pictographic.love